Here. Queer. Joint Pain is Moderate to Severe.

In an alternate universe:

Ilya Rozanov: Marley I have something really important to tell you. I have hidden a secret about myself for a long time. You are one of my closest friends, and I hope that knowing this doesn’t change anything…I’m bisexual

Cliff Marlow: (visibly confused) yeah…I know that???

Ilya: what? How did you know???

Marlow: Dude you don’t exactly hide it

Ilya: What are you talking about????

Marlow: yeah dude you speak Russian all the time. You have an accent. It’s not that crazy

Ilya:…

Marlow:…

Ilya:…

Marlow:…

(Click here to get to my normal pinned post)

So I've hinted at this a little bit but there has been a HUGE change in my life. My wife and I have found ourselves caring for two children- ages 10 and 15. I can't give a TON of details online, because I want to protect them, but I'm hoping maybe you guys can understand that the reason we're currently caring for them is a direct result of the political climate of the United States. Because of all of this, we are working to become the guardians of these children for the foreseeable future, possibly adopting them if that's something they want (they have expressed they want this, but things change and this will all take time).

I'm hoping you all can understand that even though my wife and I are so happy to have children in our lives, this is NOT the way we wanted it to happen, because it involves a lot of sadness. These kids are going through a lot of trauma, and things are changing almost daily. I waited for things to be confirmed by a lawyer before posting this, but it still could change, and I want to be transparent about that. However, I'm posting this for two reasons:

First, as you might have noticed, I'll be writing fics and answering asks a lot less. While I adore writing and it makes me so incredibly happy, I also adore these kids, and they need me right now. I'm working on finding time for myself, but that's something I'm trying to find a balance with and these kids need adults to rely on in their lives. I'm not leaving fandom or even stopping writing forever, but I definitely will be around a lot less, at least for now.

Second, the legal battle we will need to fight, as well as making sure the kids are comfortable in our home, will be expensive. I created a GoFundMe to try to raise money for this, and I am posting the link below. Again, to be transparent, I didn't put a lot of information there, because I need to protect my identity, as well as the identities of the children. The location on the GoFundMe is inaccurate, and I didn't put my full name, because I knew I would be posting it here. However, I am hoping you all will consider helping anyway. (Also if you notice anything that identifies me on the page that I missed, please lmk....)

If for some unlikely reason things change, and the kids are able to be with their biological mother, please rest assured that any donations will still go toward making sure they are well cared for.

Please, if you would consider sharing the link or (if you are an adult) donating, I would appreciate it. You are more than welcome to dm me or inbox me with any questions, and I will do my best to answer them as long as I can still protect everyone involved.

Thanks guys! I hope you have a good day!

For anyone who hasn't seen them before, Hidden Search Operators are handy tricks you can use when you're either searching or filtering AO3.

summary: string is a generic way of explaining that you can search AO3 for a specific word that appears in a summary. You can do this from the search bar in the header, from the Any Field box at the top of the Advanced Search form, or from the Search Within Results box at the bottom of the filter menu.

Examples:

summary: Bruce

summary: "Bruce Banner"

summary: Bruce OR summary: Banner OR summary: Hulk

You need to put quotation marks around your search term if it is more than one word. The quotes make sure that the site searches for those two words together.

The other two operators listed work best in the Search Within Results box.

expected_number_of_chapters: 1 will return results where every fic has only 1 chapter currently posted.

You can use expected_number_of_chapters: -1 if you want results where every fic has more than 1 chapter currently posted.

I saw your tags @jackdaw-sprite and I figured I could offer you some help? You've got a few options to find fics that are actually about your fave who is often sidelined.

My own personal go-to is to use the Search Within Results filter. You can find the filters by clicking/tapping on any tag. If you're on a wide screen like a laptop, they'll be on the right hand side of the screen. If you're on a narrow screen like a phone, you'll need to press the Filters button at the top of the page to open up the menu.

In that menu, scroll down until you're near the bottom. That's where you can find the box labelled Search Within Results. In that box, you can type

summary: Renhardt OR summary: Rendog

When you filter for that result, you'll get 19 fics with that name mentioned in the summary, and if the name is in the summary you've got MUCH higher chances of them being central to the fic.

There's also a way to find fics with a tag in the X position. Fan coders have had this same issue, and so they've created userscripts that you can add to your web browser (like an extension). Here are a few that might be helpful for you to try:

AO3 Actually Relevant Characters - Sorts and highlights works based on how relevant the tagged character seems in the work's tags and summary.

AO3: Prioritise my Faves - Hide work if chosen tags are late in sequence, or if blacklisted tags are early

AO3 Secondary Character & Pairing Filter - Replaces works with placeholder if the tags you want aren't the first few tags, with option to show work.

Editing to add: this version of the post has a syntax error in it. To remove oneshots with a filter, use

But I love the idea that Ilya tells Marly about why he’s leaving. Like he can take the whole city he loves and the team he loves and the sport he loves hating him and not being able to defend himself but Marly is the closest thing he has to an actual brother and god help him he actually trusts the guy. So he tells him and Marly is aghast with the Romeo and Juliet level shit going on in his bros life. He KNEW Roz would never walk away from them for no reason. This is some noble ass shit bro.

So to Ilya’s shock and amusement and slight horror not only does Marly take everything super well and keep going on about how “dope and hardcore romantic and shit” this move is but. After the beginning of his first season where he’s getting scraped over the coals for not being able to turn the team around instantly Marly decides his only option is to fall on the sword alongside his bro and request a mid season transfer to Ottawa. Weibe or management in Ottawa request a meeting with Ilya to be like “why the fuck is this random Boston defenseman fighting tooth and nail to come here? Did you ask him to?”

He refuses to let his captain march alone into hell (a boring suburb of a boring town) for his lover. He will fight at his side until they rise victorious or fall nobly. He says this shit very seriously while drunk to Shane and Ilya is just shrugging behind him.

Obviously the centaurs all adore him. Obviously he refuses to let Ilya sink into too bad of a depression because he’s now deeply invited in all this and takes his role very seriously. He’s like calling Shane when Ilya won’t get out of bed just “Hollzy bro. Roz is suffering. He can’t even play GTA right now. You must come visit as soon as possible or send him hole pics or something.”

Together with the power of their friendship and the assistance of Troy Barrett they open a sick ass club in Ottawa and manage to launch a nightlife scene basically on their own.

I will not trip and fall down the stairs while carrying all of my knights armor again

The horses love me

I am not in love with the wizard apprentice

My knight appreciates my hard work

It's sleeping on top of the covers in yesterday’s clothes, scrolling until your eyes burn, chasing noise to drown out the ache. It's deleting messages before they’re sent, staying small in conversations, hiding your laughter like it’s something dangerous.

It's saying no to things you love before anyone else gets the chance to. Turning away from kindness because you don't know how to hold it. It's setting your dreams on fire before they have a chance to breathe - not because you don’t care, but because you’ve been taught that joy is something earned through suffering. And so you become your own gatekeeper, punishing yourself in invisible ways. But wounds don’t always bleed. Sometimes, they look like a life unlived, a light dimmed on purpose, a heart whispering, “I don’t deserve this” to every good thing it meets.

Self-harm can be the quiet art of self-erasure. It's ignoring your reflection because you can’t bear the sight of yourself, or drowning in oversized clothes to avoid being perceived. It's canceling plans that made your heart flutter just yesterday, because somewhere between then and now, you decided you weren’t lovable enough to show up. It’s walking into a room and shrinking, speaking in softened tones so you don’t take up space, apologizing for existing in places where you’re allowed to be. It’s procrastinating dreams until they rot, because the thought of succeeding feels more unbearable than failing.