medieval squire

ithought gainig a cool cursed and evil facial scar would be tough adn badass but theres so much blood in my eyes and it actually hruts so bad

my knight has the most loyal and smart and graceful horse in the world that has saved his life multiple times and mine stole my lunch and kicked me in the head

my knight just rode past me at full speed yelling “trust the horse” before disappearing into the woods

got lost in the catacombs beneath the chapel and found at least three things that the church is definitely pretending not to know about

my knight says he fights for honor but he also cheats at cards constantly

beginning to suspect the royal family is made entirely of people who have never once been told no

accidentally sat in a chair meant for visiting nobility and experienced the fastest public humiliation of my life

my knight pointed at a battlefield covered in smoke and said “beautiful, isn’t it” ok freakbob

asked the blacksmith if armor could be made lighter and he looked at me like i’d insulted his entire bloodline

every royal banquet eventually reaches a point where two nobles are one snide comment veiled under politeness away from attempting murder with decorative knives

my knight said “hold the line no matter what happens” and then a dragon happened

every tavern has one old man who claims he could’ve been a knight and honestly with the height on some of them i'm sure they could've

carrying a torch during dramatic nighttime conversations is genuinely exhausting nobody warns you about this

my knight just stood silently on a cliffside for an hour because he was "contemplating the burden of destiny” but i think he forgot why we climbed up there

my knight challenged a man to honorable combat and then immediately asked how to cook stew

the village children keep following my knight around like he’s a storybook hero and unfortunately this is encouraging him

got assigned to polish the ceremonial armor and discovered it is somehow heavier than regular armor despite being significantly less useful