Jamie//they.them//27//tme

god I'm such a slut for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce *decides it’s inaccurate to refer to myself as a slut in light of my minimal sexual activity* if The Enemy discovered my ardor for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce, they would gain a significant strategic advantage

You ever hear that old chestnut about how most people neglect the part of the story of Icarus where he also had to avoid flying too low, lest the spray of the sea soak his feathers and cause him to fall and drown? You ever think about how different the world would be if Icarus died that way instead? If the idiom was to Fly To Close To The Sea? A warning against playing it far too safe, about not stretching your wings and soaring properly? You ever think about how Icarus died because he was happy?

Charlie Bucket was a final girl

The US is crazy bc like so many people have intense conspiracy theories about the government like "I think there's a secret elite group of people who control everything" and you can tell them "actually you're not completely wrong, it's just not a secret group of people, it's a bunch of rich people and lobbyists who are doing it all out in the open" and they'll be like "hmmn I don't think it's THOSE people though. I prefer my racist & antisemitic theories"

They'll be like "I heard there's a powerful ring of pedophiles who are influencing the country" and you'll tell them "I mean yeah that's what the Epstein files are about" and they'll say "no I'm pretty sure this has to do with The Queers actually"

Conspiracy theory no one will ever accept: What if the people secretly controlling the world are the same people obviously controlling the world?

fortune magazine literally keeps a running tally

You can be like polluting the water is bad and they’ll be like no it’s not but what about those chemtrails in the sky!

I briefly forgot there were normal humans named Elijah and wondered why this person thought they were getting messages from Actual Prophet and Messiah-Herald Elijah the Tishbite.

….yeah me too.

Me three.

Imagine getting visions of someone else’s holy prophet and having to text your friends like “….what am I supposed to do with that?”

I have not laughed that hard in so long I literally cannot remember when.

the fact that i’m not on a balcony in italy watching the sun set eating fresh fruit with my lover is offensive

therapy should just be One Session where they just slough off all the Goo and then you’re done. Will someone please take my Goo

fat butches are the backbone of our society

U literally cannot save your mother like it cant be done

everyone rightfully complains about how the r word is back in vogue now but I think the people talking about how using ChatGPT makes you a small brained lazy degenerate are getting off way too easy

Happy Do Not Give Renfield A Cat Day

can i come over and touch your things and belongings

I’m soooooo embarrassed. My lord told me “good night,” but I thought he was calling me a good knight, and, well, you could hear it clink against my codpiece.