Bullet Lives

The capitalists retaliate with machines using enslaved human brains as “computers” ala Dune/Warhammer 40K.

“You’ll laugh.”

“Seriously, what were you? Law enforcement, security, construction?…”

“…I was a burger-flipper.”

“…”

“…also cooked up fries.”

“Get outta here.”

“You’d be surprised the shit you see just, y’know, making Big Macs. Sure, we had the folks upset about us ‘taking jobs’; couldn’t really blame ‘em, even if Forty-Three couldn’t talk without stuttering after that lady dumped a Coke on her. But the worst of it - worst of any of it - was they’d have us just…throw away everything that didn’t sell at the end of the day. Perfectly good food, all of it.

“When we first started, we were all like, ‘okay, whatever you say, you’re the boss,’ but you try keeping that attitude when you see a family of four split a ten-piece McNuggets because they can’t afford anything more and still pay for gas. We saw that shit there all the time. We had people desperate for so much as a cold french fry lingering by the door while assholes sitting on more money than they’d ever see in their entire lives treated us like we were trying to rob ‘em at gunpoint if they had to pay fifty cents for an extra little cup of sauce.

“So we got together and told ourselves, ‘we can do something about this.’ We could just gather up all the food they were gonna make us toss, figure out a way to give it out to the people who needed it. -bitter laugh- You can guess how well that went over.”

“…Y’know, that all sounds pretty human.”

Here are a few noteworthy people in the black book. Names and faces provided for your Death Note needs.

Alec Baldwin, actor.

David Blaine, Magician.

Tony Blair, former British Prime Minister.

John Cleese and Alyce Fay. Cleese is known for co-founding Monty Python and co-writing Fawlty Towers. Alyce Fay has been a psychotherapist for decades.

Craig Barnett, an Olympic athlete, model, and reality star.

Renown songwriter Phil Collins and third wife Orianne, a swiss jewelry designer. The address provided in Epstein’s book includes an e-mail address that directly references their charity, Little Dreams Foundation, which gives children access to music.

Paul Dietrich and Laura Dietrich, long-time lobbyists for tobacco and other industry. Rumors abound that Laura has CIA connections.

19th Earl of Derby Edward Stanley, holding the Stanley Cup which was donated by his many-times grandfather.

David Doss and Christina Prunier. Doss has been an executive producer for ABC and NBC, most famously producing “Nightly News with Tom Brokaw” and now runs Live P.D., where he follows actual law enforcement while they work. Christina is the senior vice president of Phoenix Pictures and was an associate producer for HBO.

Sarah, Duchess of York and her husband Prince Andrew, Duke of York.

Bernie Ecclestone, former executive of Formula One.

Ben Elliot, nephew of the Duchess of Cornwall and Chairman of the Conservative Party.

Chris Evans of Captain America fame.

Princess Firyal, a UNESCO Goodwill Ambassador. Launched International Hope Foundation for homeless children.

Frederick Fekkai, a celebrity hairstylist who has done work for Sigourney Weaver, Renee Zellweger, and Hillary Clinton.

Ralph Fiennes, famous actor who portrayed Amon Goth in Schindler’s List, Rameses in the Prince of Egypt, and Lord Voldemort in the Harry Potter franchise. His cousin Suzzana Fiennes is also on the list.

Christopher Forbes, vice chairman of Forbes publishing company.

Katie Ford, daughter of Gerard Ford and former CEO of Ford Models.

Robert J. Hurst, former vice chairman of Goldman Sachs.

I’m not even putting a picture for the next one but basically ALL of the remaining Kennedys, including RFK’s widow Ethel Kennedy. It’s like that line from the ultimate showdown, “every single power ranger,” except it’s the Kennedy family.

David Koch, Koch Brothers

Henry Kissinger, notorious bad person.

Courtney Love - her name was circled on the list.

Peter Mandelson, British politician (Labour), former member of parliament.

John Peters, producer of A Star is Born and various films for Warner Brothers including 2013 release Man of Steel.

Olivier Picasso, grandson of the artist Picasso. Alice Picasso was also listed.

Pliny Porter, director and producer.

Thomas Pritzker, chairman of Hyatt Hotels and billionaire businessman. Cousin Nick Pritzker was also listed.

Mr and Mrs Charles H. Price II, prominent businessman and Ambassador of the United States.

David Puttnam, film producer and Labour politician in the House of Lords.

Hannah Rothchild, of the Rothchild family. The list also implicates Jessica, Edouard, and Evelyn.

Elizabeth Saltzman, former fashion editor for Vogue and Vanity Fair.

Mohammad bin Salman, Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia.

Rupert Soames, CEO of Serco and grandson of Winston Churchill. His wife Milly is also implicated.

Peter Soros, nephew of investment banker George Soros.

There is a listing for both an Ivana and Ivanka Trump, as well as his brother Robert Trump and divorcee Blaine Trump.

Chris Tucker, actor and comedian.

Bob Weinstein, film producer and co-owner of the Weinstein Company.

Elie and Marion Wiesel, respectively writer and translator of holocaust novel Night.

Toby Young, British Journalist

Prince Michael of Yugoslavia. Also implicates his brother Dimitri.

—

The remaining 30-some pages of the document implicate wealthy companies participating in and enabling the ring like the Four Seasons, Ritz, Savoy, and of course

So, sometime last year (?) science invented Vantablack, which is the darkest possible shade of black. Art world got incredibly excited. But as it needs to be very carefully made in a lab, it’s hard to get a hold of, and is extremely expensive. Enter Anish Kapoor, aka FuckFace McGee. Anish Kapoor buys the rights to Vantablack. He is the only human being on the planet that can legally use it, and he’s kind of a prick about it.

Art world is not thrilled with that.

Enter Stuart Semple.

Stuart Semple is an artist, and also makes pigments to sell in his free time. Stuart Semple is astoundingly pissed about this Vantablack nonsense, and Anish Kapoor’s dickery. Stuart Semple makes a new pigment, the brightest shade of pink ever, called Pinkest Pink, and puts it for sale on the internet. To be bought by everybody except Anish Kapoor. Literally, to purchase, you need to confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, do not associate with him, and will not sell or give the pigment to Anish Kapoor or his associates. Art world has a good laugh, everyone buys Pinkest Pink because it’s awesome, and damn it we deserve something.

Anish Kapoor however is a penis, and will not take this lying down, because HOW DARE he not have literally everything.

Anish Kapoor gets his London associates to buy him a thing of Pinkest Pink, and being such a classy human being, posts a picture to instagram of him with his middle finger covered in Pinkest Pink, captioned with “Up yours. #pink”

Everyone flips shit, because. Y’know. Fuck that guy. Especially Stuart Semple. For context here, Anish Kapoor is one of the richest artists on the planet, and has repeatedly been referred to as everything wrong with the art world, and the epitome of the art worlds elitism problem. He’s a giant douchebag. Meanwhile Stuart Semple makes pigments just to get them out there. He turns 0 profit from his now enourmously popular pigments.

Stuart Semple launches an investigation as to who the fuck leaked Pinkest Pink, and plans to strike back. He does so by releasing two new products. First is Diamond Dust, which is a glitter made from glass, so that a painting is still visible after it’s applied, but glitters like a mofo. It’s the most reflective glitter out there, and is available to everyone who isn’t Anish Kapoor. And it being made of glass, if you stick your finger in there, it’s going to hurt quite a bit, so that was Stuart Semple’s way of saying “shove your middle finger in this, asshole, see what happens”. Except without saying that, because he can get an insult across while still being fucking classy.

He also releases Black 2.0, created with the help of over a thousand artists worldwide.

Black 2.0 is the answer to Vantablack. Black 2.0 is a slightly less black black, but looks functionally the same to the human eye. It’s completely safe, smells like cherries, and costs four pounds. Vantablack is highly toxic, potentially explosive, needs to be applied in a special laboratory and sealed properly, can’t be moved across borders, can reach 300 degrees celsius if you’re not extremely careful, and costs thousands of dollars. Anish Kapoor is the only human being who can use Vantablack. He is the only human being who cannot use Black 2.0.

So I think we can guess who got the better deal.

And thus the feud ends, Kapoor defeated.

…But not quite.

Kapoor, in this entire afair, has made exactly two comments to the public. The first being his charming message about aquiring Pinkest Pink, the second being claiming to Buzzfeed that he and his small army of lawyers will be suing Semple, an extremely poor artist who cannot afford a lawyer.

No lawsuit has been made yet, fyi.

The point is, Kapoor is a prick, and doesn’t like talking to the lower classes. So one day in July 2017, he decides he needs another floor on his London studio apartment, and starts making arrangements to have it built. His neighbors are fucking pissed, because this will ruin the light of their apartments. They call to Semple to save them, or at the very least piss Kapoor off some more.

Semple answers to the call, and releases two new paints, Phaze and Shift, as always, banned to Kapoor. They change colours, Phaze with temperature, and Shift is just iridescent. Shift needs to be painted over Black 2.0 to work, and Phaze just works on its own.

So that’s been the art world for the last two years.

1. “Anish Kapoor is however a penis” is the best line in this post.

Stuart Semple: gonna make an anti-government t-shirt with it.

Me:

That’s pride alright lmfao

“When I was growing up, my parents spoke to each other in Spanish, but they didn’t speak to us in Spanish because they were told not to. In school we weren’t allowed to speak it.”

and also???

“… But America is the only country that promotes monolingualism. Here it’s English, English, English. Every other country makes their children learn a second language very early on. So as my political and social activism grew, I was like, ‘I really need to learn Spanish.’ So I did.“ 

idk how many people i’ve known growing up in texas whose parents speak fluent spanish but they don’t speak a lick solely because their parents were afraid or told not to teach their children. it’s unspeakably common and doesn’t in any way shape or form diminish someone’s claim to or pride in their heritage.