no one mourns the wicked

today’s date is the 3rd? what’s next, the 4th? the 5th? the minor fall, the major lift? 

having pussy is gender neutral. having cock is gender neutral. having tits is gender neutral. using 3 in one body wash, shampoo and conditioner is for men though

Yours is the only funny and correct addition to this post

 Guys, I heard children outside in the backyard of my school, and i’m on the fifth floor, but right above the playground, so I threw a paper airplane with a little message on it to them, and then they got excited so I threw another one, and then I threw another, and then another, and then they started making requests like “tell us a story” and I wrote a little thing about me throwing airplanes out the window or “draw us a picture of yourself” and i drew a picture that didn’t look too great but they thought it was fun and they’d expectantly wait and I’d throw another and they’d be screaming and chasing it and trying to figure out who i am and stuff and after twenty minutes, and, like, forty airplanes i sent one that said “do you wanna see me” and they were excited and started chanting so i threw one that said “countdown” and they counted down from ten and then i actually poked my head out the window because they still hadn’t seen me yet and i had a handful of, like, twenty paper airplanes with me and i threw them all one at a time as they tried to catch them like a giant ticket blaster at chuckie cheese, and the look of pure delight and joy on those kids’ faces was worth all that time and paper.

This is still my biggest accomplishment and the greatest moment of my life.

men love when you call them handsome they twirlt their hair and are like omg really teehee and blush. in an aloof manner

that’s a BABY?

JESUS THAT WAS MORE THAN 1 ANXIETY

I AM A WHOLESALE PROVIDER

the epilogue this post deserved!!!

honestly if teleporters ever got invented during my lifetime i would be the most annoying analog boomer about it. my grandkids would be like ugh, grandma, why don’t you just take a teleporter trip to come visit us, we all do it all the time and it’s obviously safe and i would be like absolutely not. it kills you and reconstitutes a copy with your exact memories. you are consciously my grandchildren and i do not hold it against you but i know in my heart that you are nothing but copies of copies of copies borne out of irresponsible technology use. i am not touching that devil’s elevator as long as i live. i will take an airplane and you will wait for the several hours it takes for me to come visit you

There’s this girl at my school and she’s really nice and I remember sometime last year at one point she would carry a clicker around and click it everytime she had a happy thought/something good happened/she laughed etc. It was always kind of cute how you’d just hear the little click every once in a while throughout class it always made me smile knowing that it was bc something made her feel happy idk

she was training herself to be happy oh my god

does it work???? Imagine feeling yourself slipping into depression and you just click a few times and your brain says “wait, this is the sound of happiness I have to release serotonin”

She fucking Pavlov’d herself, the absolute madwoman

There are two dragons inside of you. One hoards knowledge and the other hoards trinkets. They’re both very excited when you bring them to a museum

no phone i did not “miss a call” i watched it ring the whole time

guys I am trying this new thing called drinking water throughout the day and it’s amazing?

my body is naught but a waystation for water 😔

incorporating that into my belief system

I’m sorry officer, the water told me it wanted to be transported to Ronald Reagan’s grave

and who am I to deny water its holy pilgrimage