half the thoughts i have aren't mine and i don't know where they're coming from

"its a good time to check in with zak brown, ceo of mclaren" it is never a good time to check in with zak brown, ceo of mclaren

[doesn't understand jacking off] and I'm supposed to... touch my penis? [shaking my head and smiling, murmuring to myself] touching my own penis... [chuckles] what will they come up with next

nhl front offices will look you dead in the eye and tell you they have to hire a guy who is both a scumbag and bad at his job as if their hands are literally tied behind their back about it

I agree that you shouldn't make jokes about committing suicide bc its bad for your mental health however im pretty sure *steve Harvey voice* "yessiree, thought about killin mY SElf" doesn't count.