life is so hard when you’re a very lazy girl by nature but you also want to do a lot of things in your one wild and precious life

if i do something wrong they kill me

The eye doctor is the most fun doctor you can go to. They never steal your blood. They never make you get naked and put on a paper dress. They're just like, "Can you see these letters? It's fine if you can't, we can fix that." And they don't even spell anything.

FALSE!! puff air in my eye >:(

half the thoughts i have aren't mine and i don't know where they're coming from

"its a good time to check in with zak brown, ceo of mclaren" it is never a good time to check in with zak brown, ceo of mclaren

[doesn't understand jacking off] and I'm supposed to... touch my penis? [shaking my head and smiling, murmuring to myself] touching my own penis... [chuckles] what will they come up with next

nhl front offices will look you dead in the eye and tell you they have to hire a guy who is both a scumbag and bad at his job as if their hands are literally tied behind their back about it