Sometimes, to get the best results, you have to go in person. I grew up with my mom telling me to get up, dress nicely, go down in person, never lose my temper or my patience, and be willing to wait around a while to be heard and get things handled in a way that you like.
I thought I’d have to live in student housing when I first decided to move to DC, but because I was admitted off of the waitlist so late in the game, all of the best spots were more or less taken. I went in person to talk to someone from housing and sat around for almost 2 hours, and she couldn’t do anything for me in the moment. I got back and called my mom, and my mom told me to write a review saying, “I went to housing today with no expectations, but I spoke to Paula, and she made the experience great." Regardless of what happens, I know that I’m in good hands, and I really appreciate being able to speak to somebody who I know cares about my wellbeing." Posted that with my full name and then waited. Two weeks later I got a call from Paula thanking me for the kind words and telling me that she’d seen the review, asked me to remove her name from it, and told me that she’d found a spot in my residence of choice that she’d love for me to have. I took the spot and held it until I was sure my housing in D.C. was secured, and then I wrote her back to let her know the good news. Had I not gone in person, I wouldn’t have made the connection, gotten my name on a waitlist, and gotten things handled for myself.
I was one of two candidates who applied for my previous position. I kind of knew I wasn’t going to get the job because the reality is that I didn’t have the qualifications the other girl had. I told my mom, and I was so sad, like so upset, and she asked me if I meant the gallery I’d applied to or the large corporate law firm, confirmed it was with the gallery, she sent me to my closet, we chose something nice, and I went back down with a plate of chocolate babka. It wasn’t just me and my now boss; Kennedy and Julia were there too at the front desk, and I spent so much time just talking to them and having fun, and they called my boss out, and I gave him the plate and told him that I understood if he wanted a new hire with more experience but to keep me in mind if he wanted an intern or a secretary. Put the social skills (and the baking skills) on display, left with the job secured and the papers signed, and started the next day. Had I not gone down and made a second appearance, I wouldn’t’ve gotten the job offer.
Whenever we wanted something as children or an opportunity was “closed” to us, both my mother and her mother would find a way to make it happen. I grew up hearing from strangers (to me) that my mom could get it done and knew how to get it done too; nothing was ever too big for her to handle, and there was no deadline too close for her to beat. When I was younger and didn’t know how to advocate for myself and certainly had no ability to get up and just do things, she would say, “if it’s meant to be, it's up to me”, and she’d show me how to get things done. My Bubbe knew how to make it shift like nothing else; she could turn the tides within an hour and make anything turn to her favor. She was the mastermind of our family’s success; she’d made her own life for herself at not even 16 with nothing to her name, and when her world was quite literally against her, she kept her wits about her and managed to pull through. She told us growing up that one of the only things she remembered about her own mother was that she was overprotective, that she advocated for her daughter, and that she worked hard to make a beautiful life for her family, and those memories carried her from the moment she lost her.
You have to be willing to inconvenience yourself in the pursuit of what you want. Whether that be turning up, reaching out, following up, spending time doing research, or whatever it might be. You have to invest your time and effort into yourself and what you want instead of being afraid of what could happen. It’s better to be seen as someone who’s a go-getter than to do nothing and be seen as someone who won’t ever be able to do anything for themselves. In order to get things done, you have to get yourself out and stay out until you know that what you want will come to pass.
