alice in woolieland

i think the luckiest moment of my life - at least, the luckiest moment i'm aware of & can remember - was when i poured HOURS of wrist-grinding labor into nålbinding baby socks with no pattern & vague measurements pirated off a machine-made baby sock, and they turned out weirdly long and skinny. and then the baby was born with such weirdly long and skinny feet that the only socks that fit him were the ones i made. what a very specific little lottery to win.

the funniest thing about 'computer, enhance' is that it implies that everyone in those shows has their computer set to Piece Of Shit Blurry Image Mode by default for no fucking reason

computer activate Useful Mode

northernlion was reading out a sweet note his daughter wrote him in kindergarten that said "i know my dad loves me because he's my favorite person and i'm his favorite person" and someone commented "circular reasoning"

has anyone seen my pet bacteriophage its name is styrofoam and its about [hand touching the floor] this tall

(no money voice) I have to go skiing I have to go scuba diving I have to buy and repair a vintage bicycle I have to get into makeup art I have to become a pet owner I have to get a tattoo I have to book a flight to another island I have to treat my friends to dinner I have to bet on losing dogs

spamton core?

SO BECAUSE I HAVE NO MONEY I'M MR YUCKY POINTY THING????

i hate smoke detectors so much they've caused me so much frustration and lost sleep with their stupid little chirp and have never saved me from a fire not ONCE. i bet fire isn't even real it's just a scary story they tell people so we'll keep buying smoke alarms