Idiocracy is a Documentary

if vampires existed in real life i think there would be shady companies advertising "organic blood" sourced from "willing donors" who are coincidentally all poor people being paid like $5 per blood donation. and like haughty vegan vampires who only drink a synthetic blood drink thats brewed in a way thats actively worse for the enviroment. and radical traditionalist vampires who go on tiktok and claim that true alpha chads have to drain and kill people and anyone who leaves their victims alive is a liberal cuck. enter the world of hypothetical insufferable vampire politics with me.

i have the opportunity to do the funniest thing.

it’s so magical and beautiful that there are sprawling interconnected cave systems carved deep into the earth by various geological forces and you don’t have to go in them. there are miles and miles of stone passageways in total darkness that require you to exhale all the air out of your lungs to squeeze through parts of them and you don’t have to be there. some of these squeezes are underwater and require cave divers to take off their oxygen tanks and push them through ahead of them and me i am above ground looking at the sky as we speak. there are untold subterranean wonders no human has ever seen and i will not be the one to discover them #grateful #blessed

sorry for xfiles posting on main again, but it's just endlessly amusing to me how chris carter, the most christian man alive except for maybe the pope, cast two of the world's horniest individuals on his show, and told them "your characters are never allowed to fuck under any circumstances. ever." so in response to that they were like. hmm but what if this scene where they check each other for alien worms is soo sexually charged. and and what if. they make this real intense eye contact over a corpse. also can we maybe film a makeout session just for kicks

say what you will about the quality of the show (and I do say a lot of contradictory things), but you know you've hit the nail on the head with all this UST that Stephen King is like can I PLEASE write an episode for your show (he did but it was heavily reworked), and Dave Grohl from Foo Fighters is like can you use my song for your movie (they did but only in the credits and you can only hear it there if you watch the credits long enough). it's the edging that pulls people in

fitz will be like wow the fool never tells me anything and the fool will be like i was literally sharing information with you earlier ? and fitz will be like yeah i didn’t understand that because i turn my brain off when you start talking to me. all the court must wonder at the suppleness of your waist btw

no more catboys. catmen . 28 yr old washed up depressed catman downing his 5th whiskey glass and his cat ears twitch depressedly

And then he pushes the empty glass forlornly off the counter

This's a must watch for any Guild Wars fan, especially GW1. It'll make you feel good things I prommy.