You all know that I love Bruce joking around that he birthed each and every Robin and that’s where he got his kids, he certainly didn’t go yoinking them from the gravesides of dead parents or lifted them for stealing the wheels of the Batmobile or get them thrust upon him in a dramatic reveal. No, Bruce Wayne conceived, carried and birthed those children into existence in his mind and he will constantly pretend to use that to guilt his kids in behaving.
Dick refusing to rest after almost slipping a disk on a mission, telling Bruce that he has to get back on patrol. Bruce just goes on a rant how carrying Dick for nine months played havoc on his back until Dick gives in and gets back into bed to heal up.
Jason is being difficult just for the sake of it, to which somebody remarks on only for Bruce to sigh, comment that he should have known that Jason would be as difficult an adult as he was a birth. “Nineteen hours in labour, no epidural and this is what I get for thanks” he comments one time which happens to be in the Bat Suit and in the hearing of Jason’s goons. Now, they think the Bat is his biological mother.
Tim is refusing to let go of a case and hasn’t been at the Manor for a while and Alfred is getting sad about not seeing him in a while so Bruce rings him up and reminds Tim that the least Tim can do is show up to a dinner cooked by the man who delivered him into this world - because who else delivered each Robin?
Damian being a little shit and Bruce just rolling his eyes, “Nine months in my womb, kicking my organs black and blue for you to yell at me the same way your mother does.”
Some rogue calling Steph a pain in the ass and Bruce just nodding along which has Steph glaring at him. “Robin, I carried you through a heatwave and my ankles have never been the same, it was a giant pain in the ass but I still love you.”
Cass hasn’t been back to Gotham for a while and Bruce guilts her on the phone that he “carried her for nine months and gave birth to all ten pounds of her” and the least she can do is come see her poor old dad.
Duke refusing to take medication when sick, only for Bruce to wander into the stand off between he and Alfred, and reminiscently rattle off about all the drugs he refused while birthing Duke because he believed in a natural holistic birth which makes Duke groan and start choking down his meds in an effort not to hear this anymore.
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