repetitiously confused

The first funny bitch was Cain, who straight up lied to God after killing his brother.

He killed his yonger brother in cold blood because he was jealous of him. There is in no way anything funny about this. No hesitation just poped a rock over his turned head, droped his body over the edged and tried to lie to god about what he did. FUCK YALL CRAZIES!!!

oh are those the receipts, Cain is problematic now?

Cainceled 

wait this is the wrong ask 

No you got it

This is too fucking real

every mario 64 speedrun trick works in real life btw 

oh shit I’m late for class i gotta hurry *backs up to staircase* ya ya ya ya ya ya yayayaya yayayayayayaya yayayayaya yayayayayay YAHOO YAHOO YAHOOYAHYAHAYHAYAHAYAHAYAHYAH okay i made it

just found out today that moths can make their genitals vibrate to throw off a bat’s sonar

we can too you’re just not skilled yet

Me helicoptering my dick so the cops can’t triangulate my cellphone signal

oh to cook with my wife and stand directly in front of cabinets and drawers she needs to open

unfortunately, on this platonic male outing at outback steakhouse, my partner has ordered a “blooming onion”, transforming this once casual affair into a romantic tryst

This is the most legendary tweet I’ve ever read to this day

I’m actually going through a withdrawal