Apprentice Wizard Mack

Cow Obama: uhhhh let me be stear

Sheep Obama: uhhhh let me be shear

Buck Obama: uhhhh let me be deer

Bear Obama: uhhhh let me be fear

Hunter-Gatherer Obama: uhhhh let me be spear

Industrial Revolution Obama: uhhh let me be gear

glass obama: uhhh let me be clear

​really close up obama: uhhh let me be near

overjoyed obama: uhhh let me be cheer

prophetic obama: uhhh let me be seer

car obama: uhhh let me be veer

Invited obama: uhhh let me be here

regular obama: uhhh let me be queer

listening obama: uhhh let me be ear

sad obama: uhhh let me be tear

australian obama: uhhh let me be greer

yoko taro obama: uhhh let me be nier

Wolf Obama: let me be were

Reblog this you little shits.

Always reblog.

Reboot

My gender is not like a normal person and I think it’s a good thing

My gender is the link to the information you have fun in. And anyone who wants to have a go I guess.

my gender is the best sleep ever

My gender is not a binary gender but a binary gender is a binary gender and I am not a binary person and I am not a woman and I am not a man and I am not a person and I don’t have any other gender and I don’t know what to do with myself and I don’t want to be a woman and I don’t want to have to be a man and I don’t want to have to be a girl and I don’t want to have to be a boy and I don’t want to live with with my kids and I don’t want to have to be a baby because I don’t want to have to be a child and I don’t want to be a woman and I don’t want to have to be a man and I don’t want to have to be a girl and I don’t want to have to be a boy.

american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked

chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void. 

English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that’s it enjoy

Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn’t quite right. I don’t know what to tell you.

Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie

Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts

Filipino recipes: add rice and soy sauce and some more rice MORE RICE MORE RICE MORE

Serbian Recipes: everything is salad. Ajvar? Salad. A single whole hot pepper covered in oil? Salad. Cabbage? Salad. Kajmak? Salad.

Lebanese recipes: If you don’t have at least 3 family members cooking this dinner with you than you aren’t doing it right.

Canadian recipes: Well part of the directions are in metric but you have imperial measuring cups. I hope you like math because we’re going to find out how many gallons in a litre and how many millimetres are in a cup.

Swedish recipes: Assemble all the beige items you have in your kitchen. Great. now add raw red onions, dill and salt and white pepper. if u prefer it blander, don’t do the last things. consider serving it with jam

Norwegian recipes: listen after three days skiing uphill you will eat anything so stop complaining.

Indian recipes: spend two weeks digging the required spices out of your cupboards. Chop onions until you cry. Fry onions with spices until evey pore in your body is open, let the fragrance seep into your skin, become one with the curry.

german recipes: this meal isn’t what you think it is. it has 164 different names in different regions. it’s either made of potatoes, served with potatoes, or it’s cake. there’s a 50% chance it’s actually austrian, but don’t tell anyone.

belarusian recipes: “cook over a slow fire until done”. how many degrees is a slow fire? when is “done”? what am i even cooking there’s no picture and the only ingredients are honey and cornflower

turkish recipes: “if you do this, there’s really -REALLY- good change that you’ll die because everything is too spicy or too sweet but here we go”

romanian recipes: if you don’t already know the ingredients and directions by heart then what are we doing here

Brazilian recipes: make an extra sweet (preferably with chocolate) version of other culture’s food (sushis, hot dogs, pizzas, kibes, sfeehas, spaghetti made of chocolate; strawberry sashimis, banana burritos…)

American South recipes: put a stick of butter in it.  Oh, you already put butter in? Well, bless your heart honey, but go ahead and put another stick of butter in there.

Polish Recipes: potato? Potato.

Lithuanian Recipes : You’ll need mushrooms from THIS EXACT forest , and good luck knowing what spices you need because every version of this recipe is different ,you’ll either cook it too long or too little and it won’t taste the way you remember it from childhood ADD MORE MUSHROOMS FROM THE ROOTS OF THE TWELFTH TREE IN THIS FOREST

Croatian recipes: add vegeta. did you put some vegeta? i need you to put some vegeta there

Hungarian recipes: add more paprika and/or sour cream. More. More. MORE. And if you mention that you find it too greasy/spicy, you’re disrespecting our ancestors back to Attila the Hun.

Cajun recipes: go out to the bayou and kill three aquatic animals at random. make a roux. cook the aforementioned three animals in the roux with the entire contents of your spice cabinet

Bukharan recipes: get some rice, add some meat, at least 4 vegetables, and a dried fruit. Layer it. Do you have the cooking towel? What do you mean you want the recipe written down? 

austrian recipies: start with meat. that’s not enough meat. more grease. more meat. you think that’s enough grease? ok but have you considered intestines…. blood sausage… who can afford to waste a single hair of this pig? if you can’t handle more meat, just grind it and mix it with bread before adding it to the dish. needs more grease. fry it. is it black yet? hmm needs more butter. try a cheese coating. fry these onions. serve with sauerkraut

Scottish recipes: Did jye remumber the meats? Did jye remumber the tatties? WHAT DO JYA MEAN UTS VEGETARIAN? Yer a desgrace to yer granny and ull her granny’s before that. Yer pour great gran is crying in her grave.

Can someone please explain to me what evaporated milk is? Wouldn’t that just be gas by definition? I live in constant fear

no no it’s what left behind after the milk has been evaporated cuz only the water goes, not the other stuff

THERE’S WATER IN MILK?

WHAT DID YOU THINK THE LIQUID WAS?

IDK ISNT MILK ITS OWN LIQUID?

MILK STUFF? DOESNT IT JUST COME FROM THE COW’S TIT?

ITS LIKE TIT JUICE, THERE IS WATER IN JUICE AND THERE IS WATER IN MILK

Obsessed with the user who assumed milk was its own element on the periodic table

the only question left is if it’s a metal, non-metal, or metalloid.

I’d really like to know what @derinthescarletpescatarian’s thoughts are on milk’s electron orbital geometry

That would involve writing a crash course in how suborbitals work on a post about whether water (the primary ingredient in milk) is in milk and even for tumblr that’s going a bit far

no, it is absolutely not going too far

You guys always complain that you don’t get to learn stuff in normal ways and then you come asking for this

No milk is a lanthanide keep up

I will put lego in all of your shoes

A cube of milk with 3 inches of edge length can blow up the galaxy.

Our galaxy is actually the result of such an explosion, that’s why we call it the Milky Way

this is a unique sort of thread in which you’ll find two types of people exclusively: nerds and dumbasses

Youpeople have no right to be this funny on my dash so early in the morning

This is one of those threads that would go perfectly as a video set to “in the hall of the mountain king” and we all know it, I’m just not gonna be the one to make it

i think you’re lowballing the furry art amount tbh

I’m sorry for the inaccuracies, Doctor Yiff

no matter how I respond to this I don’t look good, well played. i walked right into that

Well, furry artists are typically more competent and courteous than your average doctor, so I can see that.

Did you just legitimately tell me that a person who draws wolf ass is more competent than a dude who spent 8+ years in a university to give you your lung transplant?

doctors are bullshit and furry artists perform an infinitely more valuable service to society compared to them

You will die in 7 days

You could if you weren’t a fucking coward

World Heritage Post

[ID: a comic illustrating the above thread as if it was happening in a theater. The users are mostly shaped like their icons, pukicho is a pikachu and hokuto-ju-no-ken is a gengar. The last panel is gengar looks back where a speech bubble comes out of the crowd to say, “you could if you weren’t a fucking coward.” /end]

I can’t believe I’m actually seeing this post

Magic of tumblr,

I’ve seen this thread more than a few times. But this is the first time I’ve seen this video. So thank you for your service.

Here you go redditors

Reblog if you are not a coward

touching grass isn't enough some of y'all need to drive out to the countryside and look at the stars

this post was aimed at the discourse-addled and terminally online, but i'm glad it's reaching an audience of people who are just excited about stargazing in general

This is yet another thing I thought Pratchett had made up but turned out to be totally real.