if you get abused and form a fixation on “catching up” with who you could have been if your life hadn’t been fucked with you’re in for such a bad time dear god
you never will, they’ll always be better and more put together than you, the sense of waste and shame of it all will disembowel you more and more over the years, don’t even start
you can’t protestant work ethic your way out of the legacy of being abused.
those years were stolen and eaten. those opportunities were taken from you. those avenues were closed off. those neural pathways were cauterized. there’s nowhere to return to. none of it will ever come back. you will be wounded and deranged for the rest of your days. and thank god for that.
Not to mention it's by definition impossible to catch up. Because the "other" doesn't exist, you just make it up. You're like a soccer player running on a treadmill waiting for the goal to get close enough for a shot.
Be who you are. If it's fucked up, it's fucked up. Just try to work on those panic attacks and accept that there is nothing that would make you any less valuable, and surely not not catching up with some fantasy of "how you might have been".






















