trying, trying, trying

God I love it when Q smiles in his sleep. I’m gonna lose my mind when he starts smiling for real!!!

Had my first “would A and Q be better off without me” thought in the shower today

Things are hard but we switched to four hours between feedings last night bc Quinn gained above his birth weight and pediatrician approved it and 3.25 ish hours of sleep between feedings instead of 2.25 ish is really nice

Going in to see the midwives today to get my BP taken (still a little elevated), incision checked, and mostly to talk through the birth experience/trauma. Once the adrenaline wore off last week everything hit me at once, how terrifying it all was, waking up and not being able to see my baby for over 12 hours. I want to understand more of what happened and why and if there was anything I/we missed that could have avoided this happening. The idea of going back to the hospital is also scary too though - I cry just thinking about going back there. But A reminds me that even though it was where something scary happened, it’s also where we brought our amazing son into the world.

Quinn and I were discharged yesterday afternoon!! First night at home was 4th of July so there were a ton of fireworks which made it hard for any of us to get sleep. The level of tiredness right now is unreal.

QUINN IS BEING DISCHARGED FROM THE NICU THIS MORNING WAHOOOOOOO