What's in a name?

so/sp: immune to rat poison

sp/so: can turn feelings on and off at will

sx/so: invisible to officers of the law

so/sx: doesn’t age

sp/sx: can fly

ESFJ

ISFJ

ESFP

ISFP

ENFJ

INFJ

ENFP

INFP

ESTJ

ISTJ

ESTP

ISTP

ENTJ

INTJ

ENTP

INTP

I was introduced to MBTI in college by one my favorite professors and dug deeper into it after I participated in his EEG experiment. After that, I read more on the theory, applied it to real life people and scenarios, and used that data to continuously refine my understanding. I started writing about it on Tumblr a few years ago and then people began submitting other questions so here I am with a blog that covers everything from personality theory and psychology to college admissions and adulting 101.

On overcoming the uncertainty to start writing about your interests online the answer is this: just write. Write something– anything– a short blurb, a quick opinion, a critique of a piece of literature, a response to someone’s post, a bullet pointed list, a pearl of wisdom, a lesson learned, a question, or a general observation. Just write. You’ll never have supreme confidence to begin before you actually start because part of knowledge building is interaction and feedback from other people. For your writing to improve and your knowledge to expand, you have to essentially smash your brain against other brains to test theories, find imperfections, expose gaps, and build mastery.

Don’t get stuck trying to craft a “perfect” post that’s completely comprehensive and covers every situation, scenario, and possibility. It’s impossible. You’ll never produce anything because it’ll take forever and writing additional posts will be a long and torturous process. Remember it’s a blog, it’s not a PhD thesis. Don’t get caught up in the fear of negative feedback: say whatever the hell you have to say, people will feel however the hell they want to feel about it, and life will move on.

A few pearls of wisdom on running a blog:

Always speak your truth. Write like you have 0 followers. When you start ceding to public opinion, social pressure, and popularity contents or obsessing over numbers and arbitrary metrics– you’ll lose your integrity because the content will start skewing to please other people instead of representing your views. If the content is useful to them, they’ll follow. If it’s not useful, they’ll unfollow. Neither action impacts your life.

When they go low, you go high. Never get baited into internet drama or arguments. It wastes your time and energy, it detracts from your message and, above all, it severely compromises your credibility to your audience. If I was a raging internet psycho screaming at other Tumblr users in private messages and posts, my advice wouldn’t land the way it has for over 5+ years to thousands of people.

Do you. Don’t try to do what other popular blogs are doing, your perspective and your experiences are what makes your blog unique to any other on the internet. Express that.

Don’t write anything you wouldn’t want plastered on the front page of the New York Times. The internet is forever and anonymity is hardly guaranteed. Some of my followers have already found my real life social media profiles.

Related answers:

Hi, What does your internal checklist of qualities for a relationship consist of? And does the person have to qualify for everything on your board?

You’ve mentioned a few times regarding being a partner who stands through thick and thin, my question is how do you differentiate/decide which one is a problem that you need to work harder on and which one is a problem that is a red flag?

There’s overlap between the two. I look at 7 specific behaviors before I entertain the idea of any type of relationship with another person:

1. How the person handles being told ‘no’. A quick and easy way to discover a lot about someone is to politely decline their request for something and see if they completely flip their shit. Entitlement, pushiness, moping, passive aggression, guilt tripping, etc. are all early red flags that lead to serious problems later down the line. People who can’t take “no” for an answer are at higher risk of violating boundaries, pressuring/pestering/harassing others to get what they want, and disregarding other people’s time, priorities, and wishes. Being understanding other people’s schedules, accepting personal preferences, and respecting boundaries is a positive sign of respect and maturity.

2. How the person acts when the attention isn’t on them. Are they able to talk about anyone else but themselves or do they always wrestle the conversation back to them? People who typically do this are at higher risk of being egocentric and narcissistic. Relationships are a two-way street, they don’t work if all the time and energy is focused on one person. Listening intently, responding appropriately, and taking an interest in other people is a positive sign of engagement and interest.

3. How the person acts when something good happens to other people. Related to the above: can this person be happy for someone else’s achievements or good fortune? Insecurity, jealousy, resentment, bitterness, etc. are red flags. The ability to be supportive, positive, and encouraging is critical to a strong friendship or else you’ll find yourself hiding good news because you didn’t want to ‘offend’ the other person and make them feel bad. Can this person simply congratulate someone on a job well done or do they look unhappy when a happy thing happens? Happiness for others– true happiness– not the brittle smiles and fake laughs variety, is a positive sign of selflessness.

4. How the person reacts to differing opinions, views, and preferences. Friendships should be mutually beneficial by providing opportunities for learning and growth. It’s a give and take arrangement. If we always have to agree with each other to be friends, then one of us always has to compromise because it’s not humanly possible for two people to always be in sync. Forcing agreement, trying to force others to change their opinions, or sanitizing a situation to keep a false peace are all red flags. The ability to disagree open and respectfully, to live and let live, are positive signs of confidence, mutual respect, and independence.

5. How the person treats personal information about themselves and other people. Spoiler alert: people who overshare intimate information about themselves and other people immediately after meeting someone new tend to bedrama queens and drama kings (disclaimer for people triggered by generalizations: not always). They’re selling out themselves and other people’s privacy for attention. Respect for other people’s privacy, wishes, and personal information are positive signs of trust and loyalty.

6.How the person receives constructive criticism. This is less about me wanting to critique someone’s every move and more about how the person will react when their behavior or actions run afoul of other people. Someone who’s unable or unwilling to accept that their words, actions, and behaviors are problematic is unable to fix them. Accountability for actions and apology for mistakes are positive signs of maturity and growth.

7. How the person treats someone that can do nothing for them. This is cliche but it has to be said anyway: if a person only treats those who can do something for them well then the odds are high they’re only trying to befriend you because they want something in return. In life, this usually means one of three things: 1) social benefits like popularity or career connections 2) financial benefits AKA the good ‘ol mighty dollar $$$$$ or 3) sexual benefits which is self-explanatory. The ability to treat others with dignity and respect regardless of physical traits, wealth, education level, and social standing are positive signs of sincerity and kindness.

Qualities that are not important to me in friends:

Traits like race, hair color, skin color, body type, sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression. Friends come in all shapes and sizes; cisgender, transgender, light skin, dark skin, tall, short with no impact on the content of their character #MLK.

Socioeconomic status. Rich or poor, this has no impact on how I view someone. I grew up poor myself and I actually relate better to people who had tough upbringings like mine.

Political affiliation. Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Green, and everything else in between are all in my friend circle. I have friends who are hardcore communists and a few who voted for Donald Trump. We can agree to disagree as long as there’s mutual respect because diversity in political opinions makes for spirited debates and unique perspectives.

Colors We Don’t Usually Associate With ______

*moves an image a mm to the left*

— Charlie Stross, science fiction author.