Dracula's Pet Possum (Redux)

I was inspired by the black-out poems made by @playing-with-colors and decided to apply it to the locked tomb series!

Closest match: Facelina auriculata genome assembly, chromosome: 15 Common name: Slender Facelina

Azure, Paler Than the Sky

Highlights include:

For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.

Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.

Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.

I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.

I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.

For the most part, he doesn't make accusations or insults people, he just repeats back the appalling shit they're telling him. And they get fucking furious. The example that went viral was him fielding a call from a kindergarten teacher who wanted to report one of her student's parents.

This absolutely disgusting piece of shit thought that the parents were "illegals" who were "taking up resources" because they weren't born in the US. The child was a US citizen because he was born here, but she wanted the "ICE" agent to "look into it."

So this dude just starts repeating stuff back like "so you want me to load the parents of the 5-year-old child you teach into a van and deport them, right?" and this bitch has the gall to say "you make it sound terrible 😅" in a self-conscious way. And then when he finally makes a more direct insult by nonchalantly saying that the 5-year-old "must be a major threat to national security," she demands to speak to his supervisor (which he agrees to and then makes no effort to change his voice for lmao).