Be the person you want to live for

you should obsess over that rarepair right neow

doing shithead teenager stuff is a funny story when you're a teenager but gets progressively more pathetic as you grow older. i spent the first 20 years of my life not being a person, i'm never gonna get to be the shithead rebellious teen i so desperately needed to be.

i should've been breaking car windows and vandalising walls and stuff but instead i spent my whole childhood scared to step a foot outside my room let alone my house. i could only ever do what was expected of me and it was a big event if i ever did anything other than that. i left the house on my own of my own accord with no supervision exactly once before i turned 18. it was to go for a walk in the park that was *just* across the road from my house.

if i could go back in time i'd give myself estrogen, hair dye, cans of spray paint, and a metal baseball bat. i'd give her her own wallet and her own money to buy the clothes she wanted to wear. i'd tell her to come with me. we'd start a small fire in the trash bins at the special needs school that was choking the life out of her and we'd laugh and laugh and laugh. she'd have to go there the next day but no one would know it was her.

i'll go on another walk tomorrow. it isn't much, but it's a start.

people aren't addicted to coffee because of the caffeine they're addicted to coffee because of the pooping