alien muse

how do you say goodbye, you know? it’s not an unfriend and block kind of situation. but you watch the people you once loved go on and have a life and you’re outside of it. and it’s bittersweet because of course it’s okay that you’re both thriving. but she used to be who you’d call if you needed to cry. she used to be who’d you’d be binge watching the new series with. you used to be hers, in a way, even if that way wasn’t permanent. and now she’s someone else and so are you and your friendship is clicking heart shapes next to pictures where she smiles next to people you’ve never met. you know where her birthmark is. she knows where you’ve buried your dead.

When you come out, but with only aromantic, not romo-positive/favourable or a lesser known arospec identity that favours romance (cupio, etc), you explain the definition of the term "aromantic" to your friends/family, they now understand, right?

You say your aromantic. Your friends accept you, they say your feelings are valid, that it's okay to "hate" romance.

But I don't hate romance?

The friend group begins talking about their crushes, their fandom ships, until you walk into the room.

What are you guys talking about?

They all go silent.

Your friend turns to you.

Oh, nothing you would be interested in.

You laugh, sit down, they start talking about what they did in their last class period.

You feel alone, you turn to the aromantic community to find acceptance, someone who will understand what your feeling, someone who has had a close experience, someone who will finally understand.

You question yourself.

Why didn't I say anything? Why didn't I explain that I think~

Romance might be good. Romance is beautiful. Romance is something that I want.

I think it's because they already "understood." The friends that I am out to know what I am, who I am,

Right?

Do I even know?

You take a step back, you look at what you have said as you have come out with the parts of the identity that you are comfortable with.

All you said was aromantic.

Aromantic is an important part of your identity, but it's not all of it.

You never talk about how much you love the idea of romance, how much you love watching tv shows and books with romantic plots and subplots, but you talk about how much you love found family plots, how annoyed you get when it seems like EVERYTHING has to be about romance.

You talk about how a romantic relationship shouldn't be the most important thing, it shouldn't be held on a pedestal, and you talk about how relationship in high school will never last.

You talk about how you think valentines day is overrated.

There should be a platonic love day too.

Your friends laugh,

"Don't worry, I'll get you an aromantic valentines day card."

"Yeah that would be cool!" You laugh too. But a romantic valentines day card wouldn't be bad.

You feel like your betraying the community.

Why do I feel this way?

Why am I annoyed by romance sometimes?

Why do I want this certain relationship when I obviously wasn't meant to have it?

You feel conflicted.

You cannot feel romantic attraction, but you wish for it, you want to be in that relationship, you want to be a part of a couple walking down the street, or like something you see on a tv show, but who?

A part of you loves romance, you think it is beautiful, but another part of you thinks that it shouldn't be held on such a high pedestal, that platonic love is just as important.

Is their anyone else who feels this way? Anyone out there that has had these experiences?

You feel hopeless.

You still haven't told your friends, you feel like you have to keep up an act, you think you might be the only romance-favourable aro out there.

You feel alone.

One of your friends knows. You have them your Tumblr, they researched the word "cupioromantic".

You feel less alone.

Someone finally understands, right?

Right?

They know the definition. But it feels wrong. You feel like your more than the definition.

You make jokes around them.

"Imagine being able to feel romantic attraction."

They counter back,

Yeah, but you want a relationship anyways.

It should feel nice, somebody finally knows, understand.

But it doesn't.

The word sticks in your head. "Anyways."

My lack of romantic attraction is not an ailment. I'm affected by it, but it is not an ailment.

I am proud of my aro experience.

I haven't found the courage to come out fully, but I will, I will.

There is a community where I belong, somewhere.

Everyone experiences their aromanticism differently.

Not every aro is romance-repulsed.

Accept that for your aro friends, and for yourself.

I am not alone.

There is a community, I have friends that will accept me for who I am, I just have to find the courage to tell them, and I will.

Когда совершаешь камин-аут как аромантик - не добавляя малоизвестных приставок (вроде “ромо-позитивный”) и не используя сложных терминов типа купиоромантик (не испытываешь влечения, но хочешь романтических отношений) - и объясняешь понятие “аромантичность” семье/друзьям, они ведь теперь понимают, да?

Ты говоришь, что аромантична. Твои друзья высказывают поддержку, говорят, что твой опыт важен, что... это ок ненавидеть романтику.

Но я не “ненавижу романтику”?

Друзья начинают говорить о своих влюбленностях и фэндомных шиппах - до тех пор, пока ты не войдешь в комнату.

Что обсуждаете?

Они замолкают. Поворачиваются к тебе.

О, да так, ни о чем, что тебя заинтересовало бы.

Ты смеешься, садишься, они начинают говорить об учебе.

Ты чувствуешь себя одиноко; ты ищешь поддержки в аромантичном сообществе - кого-то, кто разделяет твои чувства и твой опыт. Наконец-то поговорить с кем-то, кто понимает.

Просыпаются сомнения.

Почему я ничего не сказала? Почему не объяснила, что…

Романтика для меня - необязательно что-то плохое. Романтика может быть прекрасной. Я тоже хочу романтики.

Думаю, это все из-за того, что они “уже поняли”. Те друзья, которые знают о моей идентичности; знают, что я, кто я,

Ведь так? Что я вообще знаю?

Ты делаешь шаг назад, ты анализируешь то, что сказала при камин-ауте, как объяснила части идентичности, которая тебе подходит.

Ты сказала - “аромантична”. Аромантичность - важная часть твоей идентичности, но это далеко не все.

Ты никогда не говорила о том, как тебе нравится идея романтических отношений, как тебе нравятся романтические линии в сериалах и книгах, но о том, как тебе нравятся сюжеты про нахождение новой, некровной семьи, как тебя раздражает, когда романтику подают так, как будто на ней свет клином сошелся.

Ты повторяешь, что романтические отношения не должны быть самой важной вещью в жизни, что парочки в старших классах часто распадаются после окончания школы.

О том, что Дню святого Валентина уделяют слишком много внимания.

Нужен день платонической любви.

Твои друзья смеются,

“Не переживай, получишь свою аромантичную валентинку.”

“Было бы круто!” - ты тоже смеешься. Но и получить романтичную валентинку тоже было бы неплохо.

Возникает чувство, будто ты предаешь свое сообщество.

Почему я так себя чувствую? Почему иногда меня бесит романтика? Почему я хочу романтических отношений, хотя они очевидно не для меня?

Внутри тебя - противоречия.

Ты не можешь чувствовать романтического влечения, но почему-то хочешь его для себя, хочешь быть в таких отношениях, хочешь быть как та парочка на улице или как то, что видела на экране? Части тебя нравится романтика, она думает, что это красиво, но другая часть не устает утверждать, что не стоит ставить романтическую любовь на пьедестал, что платоническая любовь так же важна.

Есть ли кто-то еще, кто чувствует то же самое? Кто разделяет этот опыт?

Ты чувствуешь себя потерянной.

Ты все еще не сказала друзьям; ты не можешь избавиться от мыслей, что нужно продолжать притворяться; думаешь, что, возможно, среди аромантиков никто не хочет романтических отношений.

Чувствуешь себя одиноко.

Но один твой друг знает. Они находят для тебя “купиоромантичность”.

Одиночество слегка отступает.

Кто-то наконец понимает, да?

Да?

Они знают определение. Но оно ощущается… неправильно. Чувствуешь, что ты больше, чем коробочка с названием.

Ты шутишь, “Только представь, никогда не чувствовать романтического влечения?” Они отвечают:

И все равно хотеть отношений.

Должно ощущаться тепло; кто-то наконец-то понимает.

Но этого не происходит.

Слово вертится в твоей голове.

То, что я не чувствую романтического влечения - не патология. Это влияет на меня, на мою жизнь, но это нормально.

Я ценю свой аромантический опыт.

Я все еще не нашла в себе сил совершить камин-аут до конца, но я знаю, что найду их. Где-то существует сообщество, к которому я принадлежу.

Два человека могут по-разному могут испытывать, переживать и описывать свою аромантичность.

Не все аромантики чувствуют отторжение к романтическим отношениям и романтике.

Примите эту идею: ради своих аромантичных друзей, родственников, партнеров, и ради себя.

Есть сообщество, которое меня понимает; есть друзья, которые принимают меня, какая я есть. Мне нужно набраться храбрости открыться им.

so apparently the color green was chosen for aromanticism because red is the color of romance and green is the opposite color of red. except… it’s not. this is due to a misconception of primary and complementary colors etc etc (i talk abt this at theend of the post, or just check wikipedia’s article on complementary colors for simplified proof.) the correct opposite color of red is cyan, sometimes colloquially called light blue. im NOT suggesting the aro flag be replaced or changed in any way, but heres what it would look like if the person who made the aro flag knew their stuff:

(the differences: 2 is the standard variant of the cyan aro flag i just made, 1 is slightly saturated so it’s a bit more calm, and 3 is a little more green than the other 2.)

again, IM NOT TRYING TO REPLACE the aro flag. i just thought it would be cool to see the flag that could’ve been. it looks kinda cool and i like it a little more than the standard aro flag. green seems so washed out but this reminds me of ice and fresh water? pls tell me what u think. feel free to use with credit and reblogs would b dope! 

If you’re adopted internationally into the United States, BY adoption LAWS you’re legally a citizen, but you still have to apply for documentation and if it’s not done by the age of 18 you have to pay over $500 and get a judge to reopen your adoption case. 

Even More Fun Fact: No one actually tells adoptive families, this so many find out after they’re 18 when their kid needs to get a passport, wants to apply for financial aid, get certain jobs, vote or some other shit that requires proof of citizenship and now it’s too late because they’re 18 or over. 

AND EVEN MORE FUN FACT! You can sometimes even be deported because you can be considered foreign-born, non-citizens! 

Oh and they won’t accept adoption papers or a birth certificate as proof. 

Many people are finding that even a birth certificate is not valid proof anymore. Texas birth certificates are notorious. So notorious that I have 3 friends who can’t use them to get passports! Don’t think everything is hunky dory. You must nail down your citizenship.

http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/filling-out-form-n-600-application-certificate-citizenship.html

Also! It takes up to 12 months to get a replacement certificate. If you urgently need your Natz Cert to visit your dying relative in another country, the word you want to use is ‘Expedite’. Not ‘ASAP’. Not ‘rush’. Expedite. Write a letter explaining why you need it expedited, if you do. Otherwise the USCIS data-entry grunts (me!) aren’t allowed to throw it into the expedite line and it gets relegated to the Backlog Crypts. 

Also! You need to get a new Naturalization Certificate if your name and/or gender legally changes, because a lot of places want your proof of citizenship for things like Social Security and student loans and Medicaid/EBT/welfare benefits and drivers’ licenses. 

ALSO ALSO both the N600 ($600) that you use to apply for your Naturalization Certificate in the first place and N565 ($345) that you use to apply for a replacement certificate are eligible for FEE WAIVERS. It’s called an I912. Learn it, love it, use it. 

HE TOTALLY DOES OKAY

look

at

this

these

two

sexually-repressed 

idiots

and the crowning jewel 

They even mention the obvious meaning behind what asexuality is:

• Not about being """pure"""

• Not a choice

• NOT MEANT TO VILLIFY PEOPLE WHO ARE SEXUAL

• Relating sexually to no one, but also includes libido being natural, and masturbation being normal

This has been written by and for the asexual community for decades. Claiming that asexuality is a trend, or is fake, or is just a new random term is clearly being ignorant at best, and bigoted at worst.

"B-but what about them being LGBT(Q+)?"

The "Off Our Backs" activists back in the 70s had included asexual people in their promotion of choosing a label for yourself rather than society doing it for you (image above).

Myra Johnson's essays and papers in "The Sexually Oppressed" talks and includes asexual women and their harassment. She also has written about the lack of representation and acknowledgement of asexuality as a whole, published in 1977. This essay was included with many sexualities in this documentation of sexuality as a whole.

Toby, an alias for Jim Sinclair, was interviewed at the time for being androgynous and "nonsexual", and was repeatedly harassed for it once his coworkers found out, forcing him into hiding. The interview took place in 1989.

New York's "Sexual Orientation Non-Discrimination Act" is still the only piece of legislation in the world that includes and mention asexuality, which was passed only in 2002.

Articles, polls, essays, research into asexuality has been piling up over the decades of asexual history, only now to be denied by people who aren't even old enough to be there?

Hundreds of accounts of abuse, trauma and sexual assault based on the victim being asexual are passed off as misogyny by apologists, and easily speak over victims. Is this ok behavior just because someone is asexual? Even if misogyny is a reason for abuse, is intersectionality nonexistent with asexual people?

Doctors and practitioners are downright denying patients medicine because of their orientation, and restrict medicine because of their "fear of developing asexual tendencies" as if it's a disease. Doesn't that sound familiar?

Asexual people have been cast aside and thrown into the back burner for far too long. It isn't a game to debate people out of existence. It isn't funny to invalidate and harass a marginalized orientation. You don't actually care about LGBT+ ace people if you're actively making fun of them.

We need to stand strong together. When we focus on tearing each other down for not "being oppressed enough", we lose sight on actively fighting off groups that will kill us, regardless if we're lesbian, gay, bi, trans, ace, queer, etc. When that starts happening, they won't care what labels we're using.

Please R&R!!!!!!!

- “I’ll handle this.”

- “Stay behind me.”

- “If you hurt them…”

- “Get away from them!”

- “Don’t come any closer!”

- “I’m with you to the end.”

- “I’ll carry you if I have to!” 

- “They don’t deserve you.”

- “I’ll always be here for you.” 

- “Tell me who did this to you.”

- “I just want to keep you safe.” 

- “Get your hands off my ____.” 

- “I won’t let them near you again.”

- “I’ll do anything for you. Anything.”

- “You’re safe with me, I’ll protect you.”

- “Don’t you touch a hair on their head!”

- “You touch them again and I’ll kill you!”

- “You don’t have to be scared anymore.”

- “They thought they could get away with this?”

Headcanons are no longer personal opinions but “you are wrong and always have been wrong”, “you are DIRECTLY going against canon with this and here’s a list of reasons why this is so!”

Do I even need to bring up the “fiction = reality” argument here that’s currently so prevalent in fandom circles that, sure, definitely has some truth in it when you’re considering a piece of mainstream media which is going to reach millions of people, but not so much when you’re applying it to a fanfiction with 100 views tops 

There are certain things fans want to see in their mainstream content, and that’s okay! I do that too! Diversity is a necessity in media and it’s wonderful that the mainstream media is finally taking steps to rectify that, no matter how small. Fans can now openly communicate with content creators on social media and get them to confirm all manner of headcanons, and that’s good too! 

Except some fans have run with this and started using it against fandom, and suddenly you’ve ended up with fans terrified to put forth their own content because it doesn’t fit into the requirements they’re requesting from the mainstream. 

One of the best examples to illustrate this recent shift that I can think of is (oh god here we go I’m not even in this fandom) Reylo. If it were to become canon in the films? Sure, feel free to criticise the creators behind the decision all you want! However, exploring the potential such a relationship could have in a fanfiction no-one’s going to read except other people interested in the same idea doesn’t open it up to this same criticism.

50 Shades of Grey, in its original form as Twilight fanfiction, was fanfiction written for fandom consumption and published in a fandom space.

EL James, in deciding to publish it, took that fanfiction out of the fandom space and opened it up to full public consumption. 

And in turning that fanfic into a published novel, in removing it from its fandom space and placing it in a literature space, EL James should have done her research, or at least sought out critical opinions which influenced the novel’s transition from a fanfic written entirely to amuse herself to a published work.

Does this mean we should be criticising fanfictions which gain popularity in fandom in case the authors decide to do as EL James did and publish it as an original work?? 

In my opinion, no.

Fanfictions published in fandom spaces are written freely, given freely. We have no way of judging why an author felt the need to write their fanfics and fanfiction authors do not need to justify themselves even if they do (to use 50 Shades again) write fucked up dynamics in a romantic way, or haven’t done any research on a topic central to their work such as BDSM, etc. If, however, you choose to edit your fanfiction into an original work, it no longer exists in a fandom space and you should be aware of that. 

Most of the writer ask posts I come across are only like ten or so questions long so I thought I’d try to make a longer one because we like talking about our writing! Feel free to reblog!

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fanfiction?

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one?

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

4) What is your favourite genre to write for?

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

6) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

7) When is your preferred time to write?

8) Where do you take your inspiration from?

9) In your xxx fic, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote?

10) In your xxx fic, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind?

11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

12) Who is your favourite character to write for? Why?

13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?

14) How did you come up with the title for the xxx? - You can ask about multiple stories.

15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?

16) How did you come up with the idea for xxx?

17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

19) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

22) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

24) How do you feel about writing smutty scenes?

25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

26) Which part of your xxx fic was the hardest to write?

27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

28) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?

29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

30) In contrast to 29 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

31) Send me a fic recommendation and I’ll post it for my followers to see! (The asker is to send the rec not the answerer)

32) Are any of your characters based on real people?

33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?

37) What’s the funniest story you’ve written?

38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name it.

39) Do you prefer first, second or third person?

40) Do people know you write fanfiction?

41) What’s you favourite minor character you’ve written?

42) Song fic - What made you decide to use the song xxx for xxx.

43) Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?

44) What is the last line you wrote?

45) What spurs you on during the writing process?

46) I really loved your xxx fic. If you were ever to do a sequel, what do you think might happen in it?

47) Here’s a fic title - insert a made up title. What would this story be about?

48) What’s your favourite trope to write?

49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?