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the thing is I would be okay with being viewed as sexually attractive while topless. like a shirtless cis man can be a considered a hunk beefcake eye candy etc but it's not by nature r-rated. usamerican society at large is able to understand that toplessness can be sexually appealing but is not in itself a sexual act when a man does it. if I could be just casually topless on a hot day or something without the little flashing light over my head saying think of the CHILDREN I would be getting minoan with it
For those of you who aren't familiar, I live in an exceptionally flammable part of the United States, and despite the fact that every goddamn year multiple parts of my state catch fire, destroy homes and kill people, the local assholes insist on getting drunk and setting fire to a bunch of illegal explosives anyway.
In 2023, God granted me a Miracle that prevented my house from burning down.
Last year, I had to resort to Psychological and Chemical Warfare to keep the patriotic arsonists at bay.
This year is apparently An Important Birthday for the clusterfuck we have the nerve to call a nation, so despite the fact there is so much smoke in the air that the sun has literally been blood red for the last week, the pyrotechnic fetishists are out in force.
Last year, I hit upon the concept that if my neighbors were going to act like problem animals, it would make sense to use the management techniques on them that you might use on say, a Bear that was doing serious property damage. Thusly, I created The Stench, a nontoxic but FOUL smelling concoction that I could discretely spray around the flammable gatherings and render the area extremely uncomfortable to occupy for the rest of the night, forcing them to give up or move on.
If this seems harsh:
There is no story from 2024 because a grass fire was started by fireworks less than 12 miles from me and the high winds put me in the evacuation zone in under an hour.
Over fifty people lost their homes.
Errant fireworks burning my house down is a very real possibility, and I pay the price in anxiety and insurance premiums.
The Stench is noxious but harmless, and also very effective at building a buffer zone around my home. But sneaking up to parties on foot in this heat is both exhausting and nerve-wracking. There have to be more effective ways to do this
-And there is!
It involves Weeds and Business Cards :)
All of this spring, I've been battling Bindweed and my City Code Enforcement Officers.
The city code people have been professional, but the truth is that one of my neighbors is calling them on use because one of my housemates is transgender. It's extremely grating to get these notices, having to explain repeatedly that I *AM* working on the weed situation, I just have a heart condition and No Money. It's also deeply paranoia-inducing to know that the city is regularly coming by and photographing my house.
The Solution to the Bindweed is 1 gallon of high-concentration vinegar, half a cup of Borax, a quarter cup of salt, and a couple tablespoons of dish soap. Get one of those weed sprayers from a hardware store and mix it up in there. Spray it on your thistles, bindweed, kudzu, garlic mustard or whatever your local herbaceous invasive is on a day with bright sunlight, and in a few hours the entire part of the plant above the soil is Deceased. It's non-toxic to insects, pets and wildlife (just wait a few months before trying to plant anything in the area for the traces to wash out).
The only real downside to this stuff is that it smells HEINOUS.
Sure, The Stench is nauseating, but WeedFucker 5000 is genuinely painful to inhale. Again, it wont hurt people- even my asthmatic housemates can use the stuff- but boy howdy it sure smells toxic. I've got the ingredients for about 40 gallons of WeedFucker 5000 prepared and ready to go.
I've also got a disposable hazmat suit, rubber boots and gloves, respirator, goggles and a shitty little golf cart from the free section of craigslist to haul my shit around in.
I also have Business Cards!
See, the very nice officers from the City Code department left some Very Nice business cards so that I may contact them about "the fucking bindweed is gone, get off my back".
So I scanned the business card into my computer, fired up Clip Studio, and made my own business cards. I've turned my City's Abstract Triangle Logo into an Eye of Providence and the slogan of "E Pluribus Unum" to "E Plurbis Anus", Changed my city's name to a dumb pun, and stated the card originates from "The Department Of Public Nuisances".
Crucially, where the name and contact information of the real city employee has been replaced with the name and business email of the neighbor who has been bragging on facebook about calling the city code department on my home because he hates my housemate :)
It looks, at a glance, very much like the business cards of city employees. If you look at it for like 5 seconds though, there's no way it could be mistaken for the real thing.
I've printed out 500 of these bad boys and will have them on hand as I, a put-upon employee, am forced to work overtime on a national holiday doing weed mitigation, because my boss can't manage deadlines for shit.
You're mad about it? I've been out here since 5 AM! But if we don't finish by the deadline we lose the contract and I could get fired. You know what the economy is.
Here, this is my Boss's Business card- how about you send him an email about how this has ruined your barbecue?
It's golden hour now, so I'm Suiting Up and preparing to embark on some civil service in the form of Noxious Weed Eradication, and by coincidence, Fire Mitigation.
I'll report back later Tonight🫡
(If you'd like to support your local disabled storyteller in their Acts Of Public Service, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi or supporting me on Patreon)
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I was playing battlefield 1 and somewhere in the fog of war I became disillusioned with the war we were fighting for. i deserted my company in the midst of a mortar shelling . i ran and kept running. shedding off all the things that made me a soldier so i may return to be man once again. Deep inton the French countryside. I was given refuge by a family of cattle ranchers who also didn’t believe in this war. Eventually, I assimilated myself into their family as a way to avoid returning to the front lines. Me and the farmers daughter became close by the end of it, but by the time I had gathered up the courage to say something to say to her, the game had ended, and it kicked me out of the lobby, never to see her or her kind family again. Rarely was there ever a happy ending for a soldier in World War I.
Once again, Makeship and I have created a silly fishie who's ready to swim into your heart. It is 60 cm long, soft and huggable, and utterly adorable!🤎🤎🤎
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We're very lucky that one of the greatest racehorses of all time with its own slogan and all ended up being named Eclipse can you imagine if it was any other horse. With any other standard racehorse name. Dynamic Pricing first the rest nowhere
it's pretty easy to imagine that you are one of some fractional holdout against AI while everyone else has fallen into some misguided love affair with LLMs, and I am so happy to tell you that this is not the case.
the US public is deeply suspicious of AI's impacts on jobs and education. Kamala Harris and the Republican party are both polling better than AI. 8/10 gen zers are concerned about AI's impact on education and only 18% are positive about this technology. there is widespread, bipartisan grassroots organizing against data centers. 97% of Britons are against Grok's "undressing" technology. the majority of Americans are concerned about AI in arenas like self-driving vehicles and healthcare. Even polling data from companies centered on AI shows significant concern around generative technology. OpenAI isn't meeting internal growth bench posts. On top of all that, Musk and Altman are currently both making fools of themselves in a very public trial.
I wrote this to ground myself because within the last month my workplace and gym have become overrun by AI graphics, then I logged out of Tumblr and immediately discovered that my Chemistry professor has switched to transparently AI generated exam feedback
Discussion about Types of Guy in tabletop roleplaying groups is always "the Rules Lawyer", "the Method Actor" and never "Guy Who Always Plays A Human And Invents New Setting-Specific Slurs For Their Character To Call A Specific Type Of Nonhuman Characters" even though see the last one a lot more.
At some point you've gotta sit a player down like "okay, in our fantasy game you played a guy who hates elves and made up new slurs for elves; in our transhuman cyberpunk game you played a guy who hates robots and made up new slurs for robots; I think your actual goal here is just to be a guy who says slurs".
sex scenes in the books i read always detail the removing of dresses and trousers and chemises and bras and corsets and shirts and blouses and boots and hats and hair pieces. making sure the readers can tally every piece of clothing that falls on the floor.
not one has ever mentioned socks. so one must imagine all of these scenes the same but with the addition that the characters are completely naked except for socks on their feet.
ACTUALLY though, I have been observing the england pigeons and I’m ready to make a statement
their ceres (the white part of their beak) are larger than Canadian pigeons. not sure why. also, their bodies are sleeker and longer. this is probably because pigeons back home have to survive -35C winters, so only the hefty round ones survive.
I wonder if the smaller ceres in Canadian pigeons are also a cold adaptation? because it’s an exposed fleshy bit with lots of nerve ending for sensory purposes, so I can see frostbite being a problem. or maybe it’s just that different escaped breeds contributed to the population.
I’m also noticing a colour I haven’t seen back home! VERY dark black (like the left hand pigeon in the photo above). looks like they rolled around in soot. definitely worth the 7 hour plane ride to see these special guys
my humble Canadian pigeons for comparison. they look so orb-like. you could go bowling with a Canadian pigeon, and you could play darts with an English pigeon
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It’s been a hot minute since I posted art so here’s this weird parrot I drew:)
Based on a recent publication about Sinopterus and the color of its integument and head crest, the feathers being a dark iridescent with greens, blues, and purples throughout. The crest being horizontally striped and with magenta pigments, the soft tissue elements around the eye and coloration on the chin are speculative. It is such a striking and unique animal and further cements my love for pterosaurs.
Writer, Disaster, Charmander @albi-mander - Tumblr Blog | Tumlook
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