Presumably, if adult humans are weird, then human kids must be weird as well. But of course, since aliens probably wouldnāt interact with human children too much, there might not be much about them in the human guide.
Imagine a human leaving her kid with an alien friend because her SO is sick and none of her human crewmates are able to act as babysitter and sheās got an important meeting. So she goes to the meeting and the alien takes her kid to one of the rooms in the ship that acts as a sort of play area.
Then, when the human comes out of the meeting, she picks her phone up and sees that she has some missed callsā¦
1st call: āHey, Katie, itās me, Grit. I know youāre probably in the meeting by now and canāt answer your phone, but I was just wondering⦠Jackieās been chasing the other kids a lot, is she hunting them? Is that part of the whole predatory instincts thing? They all seem to be having funā at least I think so, theyāre all making that weird noise you guys makeā but I just thought Iād let you know. And, um, listen⦠sheās not going to try and eat the ones she catches, is she?ā
2nd call: āHi, Katie, Grit againā look, I know that you guys are descended from tree climbing mammals and so your offspring need climbing equipment to satisfy those instinctsā but thereās no way sheās supposed to be that high, right? None of the other parents are doing anything and I canāt go up and get her down because my hooves canāt get a grip on the frame. Sheās right on top andā NO!<incomprehensible noises that sound like a cross between the moo of a cow and the bray of a donkey>ā okay, so sheās swinging from the bars. One of the other humans just explained that thatās normal. Heās offered me some coffee, but I said no because Iām pretty sure that stuffās toxic. Iāll try not to call again unless there is an emergency.ā
3rd call: āIām so sorry, Jackieās been injured. She tripped over and seems to have lost a layer of skin from her knee. Sheās making these noises and thereās liquid coming from her eye sockets and I donāt know what to do! Please pick up! Thereās blood and the coffee offering human keeps saying she should suck the blood out or something. Is that a thing? Does your speciesā saliva have healing properties? Shoud I call a medic?! Please pick up!ā
4th call: āSorry for that last message. Jackie seems to be doing fine now. I donāt know howā she should be laid out for weeks after an injury like that! Please, for my sanity, can you get a human babysitter next time?ā
5th call:Ā āKatie, I donāt know how to tell you this, but Jackie just handed me one of her mouth bones. Her eyes were not watering this time, but there was blood in her mouth, and the coffee-drinking human took her to get some water. Iā¦. She will have a gap in her mouth unless you are able to get it fixed. The other humans tell me not to worry, but I know how your species need their mouth bones to begin breaking down your food. My insurance only covers at-fault interspecies accidents, andā<incoherent murmuring> What do you mean, it will grow back? Wonāt it have to be reattached? <more incoherent murmuring, distinct laughter> Iā¦. I didnāt realize this was normal for your species. It wasnāt in my handbook. Iāll try not to call again unless thereās a real emergency.
Okay but that last image made me scream


























