imagines by c

Last updated - 7/16/22

Ordered (in categories) by date added

Requested marked with - /r/

- Marvel - 

(avengers)

Bucky Barnes 

I just wanted you home (angst/fluff) 

          -  Bucky and Sam need a place to stay for the night, Bucky reluctantly makes a call to Y/N. Sam is surprised at the different person that Bucky is around her and he soon realizes why he didn’t want to call her right away.

handle it (fluff/ maybe minor angst)

          - Y/N was waiting for her friend to negotiate with a movement leader when a certain disgrace to the flag decides to lash out at her. You and your super soldier boyfriend both take issue and conflict ensues. (TFATWS spoilers)

Luv Note (angst)

         -  Bucky recently broke up with Y/N. It was because he didn't want her to get hurt but she didn't believe that. Instead she felt that she must have just not been good enough. And in her self doubt, she felt like she understood.

he can’t hurt you anymore (ANGST to fluff)

          -  Reader is the barista that Bucky has befriended at his local coffee shop but he thinks she may be hiding something. Her boyfriend might not be as kind as he tries to come off as. One day Bucky investigates and intervenes. 

plant mom  (pure fluff)

          - When Bucky met Y/N she was a leather clad assassin. The next day he finds you in cottagecore clothes taking care of your plants. He can’t help but be fascinated.

just like him (angst to fluff) 

          - Bucky starts to act like one of Y/N’s exes, something he promised he would never do. 

dont move (angst to fluff)

          - Bucky's work comes home and scares you both, bucky realizes how much danger you are in by being with him

ending credits (angst. thats it) 

          - Bucky and Y/N are pulled apart by their jobs, even though they both know that they would never love anyone else as much. (song fic series)

Sam Wilson 

no Flirting (fluff!)

          -  Out of timeline! Reader is Bucky's great niece (his sister's granddaughter) who he found when he got to NY. She is staying in the tower for a week or so to take a sort of vacation. While she is there, she meets a certain flying man of the south and she starts to fall for him, much to her uncle's dismay.

reunion (just fluff)

          - Every time sam leaves for work, Y/N misses him. Every time he comes home is a gift. Of course she enjoys being reunited with sam after a week apart.

Loki Laufeyson

little dove (fluff)

          - Loki acted so caring around Y/N, more so than anyone else in his life. He loved to take care of her, especially when she had a long day, and he got teased by some of the team for it.

what you deserve (angst to fluff)

          -  Y/N gets injured and Loki, who she thinks hates her, has to convince her to let him help

Peter Parker

I like you because (angst to fluff)

          -  Y/N has a panic attack at school and peter helps her through it. Then he lets her know all of the reasons he loves her. 

can i help? (angst to fluff, major tw) 

          - Y/N has recently been struggling with old habits after peter seems to be spending less and less time at home. when he finds out what is going on, he wants to help. major major tw for eating disorders and restrictive eating behaviors

natasha romanoff 

colder (angst) 

          - Natasha had to leave you, you didnt understand why. Now you were both cold in bed without the other. (song fic series)

(x men)

warren worthington iii

/r/ angels and demons  (angst to fluff) 

          -  request - can I request a warren worthington x female mutant reader where her powers are shadow summoning? So I guess everyone in the school kind of views her as some sort of demon? With a lot of fluff? 

/r/ gentlest instruments (minor angst, major fluff) 

          - request - Do you take requests still? If so can you do Warren Worthington basically worshipping reader (their body and what-not) and basically being hella whipped? Fem!reader if you can, :)

- Star Wars - 

new gen - 

poe dameron

he promised (ANGST to fluff) 

          - Poe always promised he would come back from missions. One time he doesn't.

 - Harry Potter - 

Marauders Era

James Potter 

potions class confessions (fluff) 

          -  Reader is a potions natural and she gets paired up with James in class. While trying to make conversation they both let it slip that they might have a crush on each other. oops?

unwanted feelings (angst to fluff)

          -  Y/N had had a crush on James Potter for years and when he kisses Lily Evans in front of her, she is heart broken. Later she finds that he didn't actually feel as she expected and he explains himself.

Remus Lupin

take a break (fluff)

          - Remus interrupts Y/N’s studying to take care of her. Established remus x reader relationship

happy day (unbearable fluff)

          - a sunny day on the hogwarts lawn

Sirius Black 

safehouse (angst to fluff) 

          - Sirius takes Y/N up on the offer of coming to their house when he needs to after a rough time at home. 

Golden Trio Era 

Harry Potter 

motherly (angst to fluff)

          -  Y/N loves taking care of her friends but after a night of drinking it seems like they don't want her to. She worries that they might not want her around and panics. They ease her worries and harry has something to confess.

George Weasley 

hole-y (angsty but mostly fluff)

          - Y/N and the Order head out to deliver Harry to the burrow on the night of his seventeenth birthday. Chaos ensues and when she reaches the burrow, she couldn't be more thankful for her friends and family being safe.

Remus Lupin

/r/ I’m sorry, m’ love (mild angst and fluff)

          - request -  professor!Remus lupin with a reader that has tics and just kinda how they go throughout their regular days, and maybe a scene where the reader is tic-ing a ton and is super exhausted with it, but obviously can't stop. gender neutral reader.

- Avatar: The Last Airbender - 

Zuko

/r/ sifu hotman (fluff) 

          - request - I want to request a Zuko x fem reader being Sokka and Katara's sister. She can be the older sister or sokka's twin sister. Also when they start dating Sokka and Katara can like threaten him by saying don't hurt my sister or else.

/r/ cruel and spiteful (fluff w a some angst)

         - request - If you take requests, can I have Zuko X reader, where Zuko tells them about his scar?

- Actors -

Tom Holland 

happy to see you (fluffy fluff) 

          - just domestic fluff, head kisses, lap sitting, and tessa being the love of tom's life

You pulled at your jean shorts and tugged on your shirt and just gave another sigh before turning away from the mirror.

A knock was sounded at the door that made you jump a bit, scaring you out of your own thoughts.

"Y/N?" It was Warren. You had a date today which really just meant he was taking you out for an afternoon picnic.

He was the sweetest boyfriend you could have ever asked for. He was adoring and gentle with you and he never made you question his loyalty. So why did you feel so insecure?

"Come in." You tried to let light into your voice but you knew you sounded frustrated.

He slowly crept the door open and peeked inside the room to find you facing decidedly away from your mirror and picking at your hands.

"Are you doing okay, my love?" He sounded timid and you hated that he could so easily tell when you weren't feeling well.

"Yeah, I'm alright." You assured, trying to communicate to him with your eyes, now met across the room, that you didn't want to talk about it. He must have gotten the point because he simply nodded and stood a bit to the side. He swept his arm across him toward the door, ushering you out, and he plastered a big grin on his face that made your heart quicken. You giggled a bit and you both left your room.

Instead of trying to talk to you when you seemed so preoccupied, Warren settled on holding your hand and fidgeting with your thumb.

You silently and contentedly made your way together out of the building and across the lawn to a large oak tree under which warren had put together a modest picnic. There were flowers and a planet laid out with a basket of food and it made you nearly cry. How sweet was this man stood next to you and how could anyone ever think he was menacing. He motioned for you to sit when you got there and you did, looking around at the sweet gesture.

He sat next to you, his wings spread behind him in their relaxed state and he laid down. Suddenly there were hands on your waist pulling you down with him and you fell on top of him in a fit of giggles, putting a big smile on Warren's face. He would have done anything to make you laugh like that for the rest of your life. You looked up at him from your new spot on his chest and he gazed into your eyes. His smile slowly dropped.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about what's bothering you, honey?" You sighed and broke eye contact with him, instead moving to sit up and face where he lay. You found yourself reaching for his wings to card your fingers through them but paused.

He had always told you that you were the only person he let touch his wings but you were still hesitant.

"Go ahead, bub."

You started to play with the feathers, being gentle and conscious that they were sensitive.

"I was just feeling insecure I think." You whispered, knowing that it sounded strange to him. He had told you that you had no reason to ever be insecure and that you were perfect to him.

"About what?"

"My body. My powers. Just like, me I guess."

"Honey, you are the most beautiful girl in the world." You gave him a playful glare that told him to drop the bullshit. "I'm not kidding."

"Warren-"

"Y/N, you are amazing. Your body is amazing. Your powers are amazing. Your hands are the gentlest instruments I've ever had the pleasure of touching. Your thighs are made of pure magic and you cannot convince me otherwise." You smiled at him a bit. "And your smile is that only thing I care about in this whole world. You make me so endlessly happy. You know that right?"

"I think I do. I mean, logically I know you love me. I just see all of these powerful women everywhere around us and I don't know how I can compete with that."

"There is no competition, Y/N." He whispered, his hand coming to trace the lines of your face above him. "You are the only woman I think about, your arms are the only place I want to be and your stomach is my favorite place to take a nap. Your scars are a sign of strength and your lips are the most absolutely kissable thing I've ever seen." With that, he sat up and pulled you into a sweet kiss. It held all of the love he had for you. His thumb traced under your eye where you hadn't noticed any tears falling but he wiped them away nonetheless.

"Siri, what happened?" You asked quickly before you could think about your question and he let out a sniffle. You could see a tear trace down his face and you quickly stood and dragged him into your bathroom and turned on the light. When you saw him fully you were even more horrified.

He had swollen eyes, almost to the point that he couldn't see on his right. His lip was busted and there was blood trailing from his nose. What you were more concerned about was his eyes. He looked defeated, numb. He would get like this sometimes after coming away from his house. He had told you once that he had learned how to block out out everything and just take it. Take his abuse from his parents just by disassociating. This was one of those times. He didn't even make eye contact with you, he looked past you over your shoulder. While there were tears streaming down his face and snot from his nose, his eyes held nothing. You moved him by his shoulders and silently put the toilet seat down. He understood and sat on top of it so he was sitting facing you.

You felt yourself crying but you didn't have time to think about it. Instead, you got a washcloth and ran it under warm water. When you moved back over to him, he was finally looking at you. He still didn't say anything but you gazed into his eyes for a moment before you were snapped back into reality and started to work on wiping the blood and grime off of his face gently with the washcloth. He winced a few times and every time, you flinched. by the time you were done cleaning his face you could see his wounds more clearly. He looked slightly better as far as his physical health went but he didn't look much more alive in his eyes. You leaned down to kiss his forehead, which he closed his eyes into, before you rushed out of the bathroom, finding your wand as quickly as possible.

When you came back in, he had a hand on his stomach.

"Siri, can I lift up your shirt?" you whispered as you came closer to him, your fingertips dancing along the bottom hem. He sniffled up at you and nodded. At that, you lifted it up and over his head, you took a sharp intake of breath.

You were already familiar with many of his scars and marks that he had accumulated over the years but this was worse than you had ever seen. He often tried to keep his condition away from you to keep you from worrying. There was swelling along the right side of his ribs and purple bruises blooming along his ribs and stomach. He had a small gash that ran over two of his ribs. You guessed that he had broken something. You looked into his eyes for a moment to give him a comforting smile before preparing your wand.

You spent the next 30 minutes healing the internal and external wounds on your boyfriends body. He winced throughout and you tried to keep your tears hidden. He still hadn't spoken a word to you and as you were finishing up, fixing the superficial scratches on his face, you were starting to worry.

"Okay, I'm done m'love." You almost whispered as Sirius looked up at you with his puppy dog eyes. You heart broke. "Do you want to to come to bed?"

Sirius nodded.

"C'mere" You pulled him up by his hand and gently led him to your bed. You sat him down before moving to the dresser next to your bed. you kept a set of clothes at your house and you were thankful for it now. You pulled out a set of sweatpants and a t-shirt and moved towards him again. He let you get him up and change him into his new clothes as he remained silent.

When you were done you lifted up your covers and waited for him to get into bed. He laid down facing away from you and when you climbed in, your arms curled around him, pulling yourself to him to try to make sure he felt safe. He laced his fingers with your in front of his chest and you sighed a bit, at least happy that he was acknowledging his surroundings. Sirius fell asleep before you and you tried not to think too much about what happened to him before he came here. You fell asleep anxious about whether he would talk to you about it tomorrow.

When you woke up, your hair was getting pushed away from your face. You opened your eyes to the gentle light coming in through your window and Sirius's face in front of yours. He was facing toward you, both of you practically pressed against each other and your legs tangled together.

"Good morning, love." You smiled a bit and he smiled back. You let out an internal sigh at the small sign that he was okay. "Breakfast?" You suggested, ready to get out of bed but he held your hand tighter and shook his head.

"Can we just stay here for a bit?" He whispered. His voice came out broken and scratchy. You quickly nodded and kissed his wrist that was on your cheek as he played with your hair.

"How are you feeling?"

"'m okay." He mumbled and you didn't bother giving him a look to let him know he was lying, he was well aware and you didn't want to push him back into silence.

"Would you mind if I look at your stomach and ribs? I haven't done healing magic since exams last year and I'm nervous I didn't do it right." You mumbled timidly. He nodded and, while his eyes glassed over a bit, he lifted his shirt so you had a clear view of his abdomen. As you had suspected, there was still bruising. You hadn't done your best work. You reached across him to your nightstand to begin to do some of the spells again and he waited patiently without complaint. "You know, my parents will be happy to see you. They were hoping you would stop by sometime this summer." You mentioned it casually but you hoped to get the point across that there were people who cared about him and his safety.

"I haven't seen them in a while."

"I know! And now we are dating so you're the mysterious magical boyfriend." You smiled at him. Your parents were always intrigued to meet more magical folk considering that they were muggles and most of the time they were around people who weren't magic. Well, besides you but you didn't use it much when you were home.

"They aren't disappointed?" He seemed so sad and you felt yourself pout without meaning to.

"Of course they aren't disappointed, they love you, Siri." You whispered and leaned in to kiss his forehead. A ghost of a smile was on his face when you pulled away and you felt some sort of pride at making him feel any better.

"You should write a letter to the Potters, Maisey is in her cage in the other room," you suggested, referring to your owl.

"I already know they're traveling. James told me before summer. I'm planning on going there in a few weeks to spend the rest of the summer there. They won't be home."

You nodded in understanding and waited a moment.

"You could stay here?"

"Y/N, I couldn't possibly-" he started.

"Please will you?' You almost begged and gave him your best puppy dog eyes. "I would never be able to enjoy the rest of my summer if I knew you were back there and my parents would be happy to house you for a few weeks. Just until the Potters got back," you pleaded. He didn't make a move to speak but instead looked into your eyes for a moment.

"Okay." He whispered and a huge grin broke out on your face causing a smaller one to take over his too. A comfortable silence fell over the two of you and you gazed at each other. There were still very faint marks on Sirius's face that reminded you of last night and you wanted so desperately to know what caused the fight.

You knew that they were aware of you, his family, and it was a cause of conflict in his relationship with his parents. They were horrified that he was with someone who was muggle-born and you couldn't help but feel guilty that you were at fault.

"I know you might not want to talk to me about it, and that's okay, but I just..." He looked at you and could sense what you were going to say.

"Don't put yourself through this, my love."

You avoided eye contact with him.

"I just don't want you to get yourself into trouble with them for me." You whispered as the guilt came crashing over you. "Was it about me?" Sirius just sighed which told you that it was. Tears came to your eyes.

"The things they were saying, Y/N. I couldn't just stand by." He huffed and you shook your head.

"I am not worth all of this, Siri. I know you want to defend me and I love you for it but you can't put yourself through this."

"I refuse to be silent while they remain such vile people. I won't. It's not like I have a family reputation to uphold anyway." You couldn't help but let out a choked laugh at that.

"I love you. You know that, right?" You whispered to him. You pulled his hand from the bed up to your face where you kissed the back of it. He smiled at you a bit. He wrapped his hand around the back of your head and pulled you down to the bed to kiss him. You were still careful about his wounds but the entire world disappeared. You had missed him dearly over the last few weeks and it hit you now. You pulled back to look at him and there were tears in both of your eyes. "I love you and I'm proud of you."

The look he gave you made you feel more than any words could have done and he paused for a few seconds before pinching your cheek and sitting up.

"Hi! I'm y/n." You stuck your hand out to shake but he simply looked at your hand, back to your face, back to your hand, and then rolled his eyes away from you. You felt your heart drop a bit. You hadn't seen or met Loki before this and he was one of the most attractive people you had ever seen. Of course, he was, he was a god. But he seemed so sad. Even if he was trying to seem aloof, you could tell he was lonely.

But he rejected you. He didn't acknowledge any of the words that you said or try to interact with you.

That continued for months.

You had thought that maybe he had just been tired when you first met him but no. He just didn't like you. He had even seemed to warm up to some of the team. Natasha and he had a similar habit of judging people from the corners of rooms. Wanda and Loki would compare magic. Thor had grown close again with his brother.

You would think about it often. What had made Loki hate you so much? You tried to be kind to him. You would offer him breakfast when you were making it, you made him coffee in the mornings which he took without a glace your way, he refused to spar with you. it made you sad.

You had grown to have a crush on the god. He was quiet and brooding and you thought you could tell that he was softer than he let on. But maybe you were wrong. As you watched him laugh with his brother from across the room, your heart was in your stomach. You had cried a few times about it since you'd met him.

You had also talked to Nat about it. She knew you were in love with him before you did, and she knew Loki fairly well so she had insight on the situation. She tried to convince you that he didn't actually hate you but it was getting to be impossible to believe her. You would just have to get over it. You cried that night again. You just wanted Loki to like you. To be friends with you. You just wanted to know that he didn't hate you.

3 months into him being at the compound, it came under attack. It was a Hyrda fringe group. There had been, however, a protocol in place. Whenever the compound were to come under attack, it had been set up that Loki would be held in a cell. While he seemed to have been acclimated, he was not yet trusted and while you were all distracted, you were weaker.

So when the alarms went off, Loki was taken to a cell. You all fought hard but the attack was well planned and damage was dramatic. You had been stabbed and bruised but Bruce patched you up a bit before moving on to people with more severe injuries. Some of the other people around you gave you judgemental glares. You hadn't performed your best. You had been distracted, your concern for Loki in the cells underground making you a poorer fighter. That’s how you had gotten stabbed and it was also how you managed to trip up another member of the team. You knew that they would forgive you and understand eventually but at that moment, you hated being around them. You were disappointed in yourself. Tony had told you that the power and automation was down so he advised taking stairs and not to get locked anywhere. You agreed and wandered the halls. You found an upper floor, one you'd never stepped onto. There were clean white walls and you were headed toward a secluded corner before you could think about it.

You fell against the wall and slid so you were sitting against it, head between your knees and shoulders shaking. How could you have been so stupid? You were worried for a man that hated you. You hated yourself. Your breaths were uneven and you shook as you felt like the world was crushing your chest, preventing air from entering your lungs.

"What are you doing here?" A familiar voice grumbled and your head shot up. Loki was in a cell across and down the hall. You looked around and it dawned on you that this was the floor made to hold overly powerful beings. Supposedly it could hold Bruce, Thor, even Wanda. It made sense that this was where Loki would go. He looked at you curiously though he would never have shown you that he had genuine concern for you and your wellbeing.

"Why are you still in there?" You avoided his question for a moment.

"Power is out and I can’t exactly magic myself out, now can I?" He grumbled and your heart dropped. How much worse could this day get. "Now can you leave this floor before you flood it with tears?" You held your breath for a moment while you processed his words. Officially everyone in the building hated you. You couldn't breathe.

"'m sorry." You whispered and stood on shaky legs. You didn't make it more than a foot before you collapsed. There was pain in your side where your wound was and when you looked at it, you could see why. There was red bleeding through your shirt. You must have ripped some stitches while you were hyperventilating.

"Y/N?" His voice sounded more concerned than you'd ever heard it.

"Sorry, I think I ripped my stitches." You whispered, disappointed that you couldn't fulfill his request. The blood coming out of your side seemed more severe than it had been when you'd gotten the injury. You got slightly lightheaded and Loki could tell that you would likely pass out soon.

"Call someone!" He barked and you shook your head. Loki remembered that power was out. He cursed.

You knew that you wouldn't be able to make it on the stairs. Your best bet was to not upset the bleeding and wait for someone to come get Loki out of his cell. You tried to army crawl back to the corner you'd left so you could still try to respect Loki's wishes and get out of his way. To take up as little space as possible. There was a trail of blood that followed you.

"What are you doing?!" You wished he would stop yelling at you. Instead of responding, you leaned your head against the wall and squeezed your eyes shut. You could barely feel the pain in your side, the crushing pressure in your chest much worse. "Y/N?!" He was shouting again. God could he not stop yelling at you even when you might be dying?

"Please stop." You whispered it with the intent of only yourself hearing it. You didn't want him to get even more upset at you but you couldn't help the quiet sob that left your chest. You pressed your hand into your side, it would be fine. It would be uncomfortable and you might even pass out but you didn't think you would die. Probably. You were willing to risk it in order to try to not draw attention to yourself.

Loki was silent. He watched in horror as you quietly sobbed in a corner, bleeding out and trying to remain small. And he had made you cry. Well maybe not originally but he definitely was making it worse. His heart was pounding so loud in his chest that he could hear the dull roar of his blood in his ears. He knew he had been awful to you since you had tried to introduce yourself to him.

He hated you.

or maybe, he hated how he felt about you.

When he had met you on that first day his heart hardly worked anymore. You had been so beautiful and you looked so kind. Why then, could he not be kind in return? You didn't deserve to be treated poorly but every time he was around you he could hear himself being mean or not even responding at all.

He watched you interact with others. You were strong and sweet and took care of everyone on the team, including him despite how he knew he treated you. He had started to talk to Natasha as a way to learn more about you. To know what you liked and how he could make you smile without you knowing it was him. He tried to make sure that your favorite cereal was always in the cupboard. He always had flowers on the countertop of the table you ate lunch at. He always recorded that show you liked on the tv because he knew you forgot. He tried so hard to make your life better while he knew that he was making it worse whenever he was around you. He thought you must have hated him at this point. That you had to have grown to resent him but that wasn't the case. You never snapped at him. You always respected what he said and made him coffee in the morning.

And now here you were in the corner of the floor you were on, trying to give Loki space because you thought he didn't like you. You were bleeding out and you were still being kind to him. He took a breath, trying to soften his voice. He knew this was going to be hard.

"Y/N, love, will you please come over here?" He asked and it took a moment for you to process that he was talking to you. When you figured it out you looked at him. Your eyes were wide and your eyebrows furrowed with confusion. He took a breath in. "Please come here."

You had never heard him say please since you'd met him, least of all to you.

"I don't understand." It was still coming out in a whisper.

"This floor can’t dull my magic entirely, I may be able to stop the bleeding." He clarified but that didn't help too much with your inability to understand.

"Its okay, Loki. You don't have to do that. I'm sure it will be fine." You assured. You even smiled at him despite the tears in your eyes from the pain you were in. He didn't know if the tears were from physical or emotional distress. Perhaps both.

"Y/N, I'm begging you to come over here. Please, dove." His eyes were watery and greener than ever. Your skin tingled at the pet name but you still couldn't comprehend what was happening. Either way, you figured it wouldn't hurt to try to go over to where he was now kneeling against the large bars of the cell. You removed your hand for a moment and the blood resumed coming out of your side. You winced and Loki winced as well.

You managed to stumble over toward the cell and Loki extended his hand to help you to the floor. When your hand held his for stability, you realized that this was the first time Loki was touching you. Your heart hammered harder in your chest.

You managed to tumble to a sitting position on the floor pressed against the bars of the cell as Loki tried to make you comfortable from the other side. He cringed when he saw the blood on his hand from you taking his but he knew that it wasn't going away. It just scared him.

He pressed his hand into your side over your injury and you both winced.

"Im sorry, dove." He whispered and you thought you might have died, that this was some sort of weird fever dream or maybe you were in a coma, but the pain in your side was very real. Loki must have been real as well. Your side very slowly stopped bleeding and you were finding it easier to stay awake. As you started to feel it become easier to keep your eyes open and you could focus on the things around you, you took in your surroundings.

You were splayed on the ground, your upper body leaned against the bars while loki supported part of it. He had a gentle hand on your side which was becoming less and less painful. You looked closer and he actually seemed to have tears in his eyes. he was muttering under his breath.

"What are you saying?" You sounded groggy.

"Nothing." He grumbled and your heart sank. He was back to being cold with you. You started to wiggle and when you found that your side only mildly ached, you started to get up. "Where are you going?" He was quiet.

"I just thought..." You trailed off. "I know you don't like me, I just didn't want to stay in your space and make you uncomfortable." You mumbled. You both knew that he hated you, you didn't much care if he was aware.

"You don't make me uncomfortable." He stated and you sighed very quietly. He hadn't denied that he didn't like you

"Its okay, Loki. You don't have to be comfortable around everyone and I've taken the hint. It doesn’t hurt my feelings." You both knew you were lying.

"Y/N, I dont-" He paused and suddenly there was a whirring around you. The power was back on. You stumbled to the pad next to Loki's cell and unlocked it. Before he could even step out, you were already rushing to the stairwell. Loki let out a defeated sigh.

You made it back to your room and managed to avoid everyone for the most part. Those who did run into you only glared a bit and walked by. You were exhausted. You didn't want to eat or go into the common area for any reason so you just decided you would spend the rest of the day in your room. Nobody else seemed to mind.

Night came without a disturbance and you were slightly hurt. You wished that you knew that the team cared. You were starting to wonder. When it was sufficiently late, about 3AM, you headed out of your room. Bucky was normally resigned to his room by 3 and Sam didn't wake up for his run until 5 so you had a bit to try to grab some food and water and maybe some tea to calm your nerves.

You tip-toed to the kitchen and you were right, it was empty. You let out a breath and emotion waved over you. You didn't know where it was coming from, why it was coming out now, but it was an overwhelming sadness and anxiety.

You figured by now that FRIDAY had alerted them to the near death experience you'd had on the 5th floor and yet none of the team had come to check on you. Or had even said a word to you. You didn't know if they cared. You also felt awful knowing that Loki didn't like you. That it took you almost dying for him to even touch you. You were, of course, thankful that he had helped. You couldn't be upset with him. You were upset with yourself for being like this, for not being a better person and friend and fighter so that everyone would at least be okay with you being around.

You felt a tear leave your eye and you fell to your knees in the middle of the kitchen. Your hands wrapped around your stomach and your body curled into itself, trying to be as small as possible. Your tears were hitting the floor and your breath was becoming uneven.

You were so pathetic. Why did you need constant validation. Why couldn't you have just gotten over yourself. Over Loki. Be a better fighter and be a stronger person with less emotions and not make everyone so disappointed all the goddamn time. It felt like everyone was against you. They should be. They were right. You were incompetent, clingy, emotional. You couldn't fight without getting distracted. You screamed at yourself in your head.

You were so consumed by your emotions that you were startled when you felt a hand on your shoulder. You flinched and quickly turned around. Loki stood above you, crouched to reach you. He had a concerned look on his face.

"Are you in pain still?" He was checking to see if you were still inured. You took a breath quickly and wiped the tears from your face hastily. You stood up so fast that spots danced across your vision. Loki's look of concern didn't fade.

"What are you doing up?" You avoided the question.

"Y/N, are you still hurt. I could fix it."

"No I am not hurt still. Here look." You assured with a small voice and lifted your shirt. The previous stab wound was now reduced to a freshly covered scar that ran across about 5 inches on your side. You tried no to show that it was painful. It didn’t feel healed. It felt better, of course, but it ached and was tender when you touched it.

"I could fix it all the way." He offered and you quickly shook your head.

"No, thank you. It’ll be fine. You should be in bed." You offered, even though you knew it wasn't really relevant.

"I asked Friday to let me know when you came out of your room." He mumbled and you tilted your head.

"Why would you do that?" You weren't mad, just curious.

"I wanted to talk to you." You paused. Why? Was he upset at you about something? You took a shaky breath in.

"Okay, what did you need to talk to me about?" You were preparing for the worst.

"I cant-" He couldn't form the words in his head. "I don't dislike you, Y/N."

You looked at him from across the kitchen. You had a look on your face that revealed that you didn’t believe him.

"Okay." You whispered. Was that really what he had come here to do? Lie to you?

"You scare me." He admitted quietly and your eyebrows scrunched up at his revelation.

"I'm sorry, I didn’t mean t-"

"No, it’s not your fault." You waited for him to continue. "When I met you, you were so outgoing and happy and everything that I wasn't. And it scared me. And then I got acclimated but you still intimidated me. You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever met and you are mortal and I didnt know how to cope with my feelings. I still don't." He sighed, "I just want you to know that you never did anything wrong. There isn't anything wrong with you, I just can’t express my feelings, especially romantic."

"Romantic?" You were whispering. You were worried that he might take back what he was saying.

"Im afraid I'm in love with you. And I am so bad at communicating emotions that I have convinced you of the opposite. For that, I wanted to apologize." He had just admitted that he was in love with you and you had no idea how to respond. "You do not owe me a response or reciprocated feelings, I just hadn't realized until earlier how dramatic my actions were affecting you and that was never my intention."

"What if I do have reciprocated feelings?" You could feel your breath shaking from nerves. He could barely believe what he was hearing.

"Then I would feel very fortunate. But also slightly worried." He admitted. "I haven't been as kind to you as I should have been and I don't want you to think that is who you would be getting involved with or that that is what you deserve. If you felt at all the same, which I hope that you do, I would like to perhaps take things quite slow. You should not rush into something you may not understand the full scope of and I would like to prove that I can treat you as well as you should be treated."

You would hold onto his metal arm when he was self-conscious about it, which you could always tell. You would brush out his hair and let him fall asleep with his head in your lap. You would make sure that he ate a good meal when he was home and that he got a good night's sleep while he had a chance. You liked to make him coffee in the mornings while he made breakfast and you would both stand with your arms around each other in silence while the pancakes cooked.

Then he was assigned a mission.

And you got offered that job.

Your life seemed to be trying to rip you apart. You would literally end up on opposite sides of the globe and you both knew that long-distance would only further tear you apart. It wasn't fair to either of you when you would have to move on. Bucky didn't know when he would be home. He didn't know if he would come home. You were moving to the job you had dreamed about your whole life. Bucky had been the one to convince you to apply. You both knew this was a possibility.

Why, then, was it something that was tearing you both to shreds?

That last night you spent together you had both cried. Bucky tried to hide it for a while but he knew it was pointless. You were supposed to be each other's forever and now that wasn't the plan. He prayed with everything he had that he would come home soon. That he could come back to you before you moved on. You were weighing how much the job was worth to you. Bucky would have been upset if he knew you were even thinking about it but you debated whether you could leave him over a job. Even if it was a huge aspiration.

Bucky had sat against the headboard of your shared bed and you straddled his legs. Your face was buried in his chest as he stroked your hair. He could feel your breath sharing and he knew that his shirt was damp from the tears you were shedding. His face was wet with tears as well. Your fists were gripping onto his shirt tightly and Buck wished he could stay like this forever. That he wasn't going to leave in 8 hours. He had to leave at sunrise. He didn't sleep a wink. Neither did you.

You spent the entire time against each other as you talked about the future as if he wasn't leaving. He talked about the new diner he found in town that he was going to take you to. Sam's sister was getting married and you guys were invited to the wedding. There was a cat at the shelter that Bucky had seen and they were going to get.  You talked about the rest of your lives as you hoped it would eventually come true. But that isn't how life works. Bucky took a deep shaky breath when he saw the sun coming over the horizon. He thought he had cried himself dry but apparently, that wasn't the case. He felt more tears come and he knew you were crying again as well.

He got up and got ready like he was just leaving for work. Like he would be back in 2 days from his mission with Sam and he would tell you all about it when he got back. You helped him get ready and made him breakfast. Neither of you acknowledged either of your swollen eyes or your shaky voices. When he got to the door, you leaned up to kiss him like usual. But he pulled you as close as he could and he locked you in a kiss that tried to convey everything he was feeling. He pulled back and pressed his lips to the top of your head while his hand cradled your neck. He wanted to kill whatever god was doing this to him.

"I love you." He looked at you so intensely that you lost your breath.

"I love you more." You whispered back.

"I'll see you when I get back." He promised like he was just going to be gone for a few days. You wished so desperately that that was true.

Then he left. He walked out of the door and went away. You moved to your new job. Each of you thought of the other every night but never reached out. Bucky was cut off on his current mission but you also knew that if you stayed in contact, neither of you would ever get over each other.

So you would try.

You would go on dates and try to find someone that compared to him. Bucky would pour himself into his work and try not to let whatever darkness was inside him grow with his grief.

You tried your best to avoid looking at the bedside table where you knew the ring you'd bought was laying. That she never got to know you had.

You'd suspected that she had seen it coming, she was a spy and assassin, she had to know. She had to have known. That must have been why it happened. She knew you were going to propose and needed out. You supposed it made sense, it had just come out of nowhere. Wanda had convinced you to get it and she was the person closest to Natasha. She should have known this would happen. You wanted to be mad at her but she was one of the only people who still came to check in you and talk to you about the breakup.

Wanda was someone who could read minds. You had assumed that if she told you to propose to Nat, she would know what she would have said. You couldn't bear the thought of her being gone. Out of your life. She hadn't called, texted, let you know that she was okay or that she cared about you at all. That was something you now questioned. Had she ever loved you? Had it always been one sided? She seemed to leave with such ease. What were you supposed to think?

Natasha shivered in her bed. She was curled into a sitting position at the head of the bed and she looked at all of the space around her. She missed the way you would lay your head on her lap to try to get her to braid you hair. She always did. She loved being with you. Loved basking in your warmth. You would smile and her heart would burn with how deeply she cared for you.

She saw the ring one night.

She had seen the signs.

She thought that you must have known she knew you were proposing. That must have made it that much harder when she left. She wanted so desperately to walk back to you. To go to the apartment you had shared and pull you into her.

She was damaged.

She had supposedly been rehabilitated but she knew better. She didn't work like she was supposed to. She was her best when she was around you but she knew that wasn't fair pressure to put on you.

She was gone nearly as many nights as she was home. She had to go undercover on missions where she would act like she wanted to sleep with endless men and women. She knew it took a toll on you.

You'd had an agreement that if you asked, she would answer truthfully. That included if she had kissed anyone on missions. If she had said that she loved anyone. You tried to avoid it sometimes but you were so curious. So anxious. Nat always said that none of it meant anything but she had seen you cry about it once. You had been clutching your knees as you tried to hold your breath. She had told you that she had to almost sleep with a man while undercover on her last mission. That she had spent a week with him, convincing him that she had feelings for him.

You knew it was a job but it still upset you. She knew that.

You would have married her.

She would have married you if she didn't think it would have been bad for you. You always thought that Nat was the best thing to happen to you but it wasn't true. Natasha knew that it wasn't true. You were happy when you were with her but when she left, Wanda told her how heartbroken you were. What if she didn't come back from a mission? What if you needed her and she couldn't be there? What if you had a family and something happened to them while she was away? She couldn't take the thought of you being alone. So yes. Best to let you go now. Best to let you move on before you committed any more of your time to her. She held in sobs as she looked at the cold bed around her and she could only imagine you doing the same. She couldn't break though.

She had to stay strong.

She had to make sure that you would be okay long term, even if she would suffer for it.

You weren't a fighter. You had learned some self-defense from Bucky but you had only recently moved in together and you had never really been afraid of anyone since you had begun dating. You knew Bucky would do anything to protect you. You kicked yourself for it now as you wished you could help him in his fight. You stayed silent under the bed, trying not to draw attention to yourself as you listened to the struggle happening only feet away from you. You listened intently to try to get a read on the situation. You heard a clatter on the ground and assumed his gun had been kicked to the ground. A shot rang out but fighting continued. You heard the footsteps of at least 3 men around Bucky. You moved your head to stare at the ground next to the bed and watched the feet of the 4 men move as they fought. Bucky was still only in socks. You were horrified as he was knocked onto one knee by two of the men he was fighting and you could hear him struggling. You knew you had to do something. You made a decision to slide to the other side of the bed and get up, figuring that his only chance was for you to distract them long enough for him to get ahold of his gun.

You stood on shaky legs and grabbed the gun from your nightstand that Bucky kept there in case you needed it.

"Hey!" you shouted and all 4 of the men turned to look at you. Bucky looked absolutely horrified and two of the men started to move toward you. You made eye contact with your boyfriend and tossed the gun to him. He caught it and shot the man in front of him but not before the two men had made it to you. Before you could have defended yourself you were held and bound. Your wrists were pinned together and held by the arm wrapped around your chest and another went to lock your head into place. The other man put his hand up to you and you heard a click. it wasn't a big leap to guess that he was pointing a gun at your temple.

The room froze.

Bucky didn't dare to speak out of fear that they would do something to you. The two men were waiting for him to make a move. You weren't able to move much, still trying to wiggle free of the hands holding you. Bucky locked his gaze with yours and his look told you to stop moving. You did.

You felt a tear run down your cheek and you couldn't figure out if you regretted standing up or not, knowing that Bucky now had a better chance that he would make it out alive but your chances were worse. You knew that if you made it out, Bucky would be furious with you.

Bucky's hands raised in surrender as he looked at the men holding you.

"What do you want?" he asked quietly, trying not to startle the standoff in the room.

"We want you to come with us. If you try to get her out or escape, she dies." The man holding the gun pushed it so it was pressed firmly against your temple. You whimpered a bit. "Understood?"

"I understand, please take that gun away from her head." He practically whispered.

"That's pathetic." Both of the men let out a short laugh and you shook a bit, trying to take a deep breath. "You used to be so scary, weren't you? Now you're reduced to a puddle over this little thing?" The man holding your neck tightened his hold and you took a sharp intake of breath.

You made eye contact with Bucky and he saw the look in your eye. He shook his head a bit, giving you a look that told you he knew what you were going to try and that you shouldn't do it. Despite his disapproval, you began to discreetly mouth numbers counting down from 5. You took a deep breath.

'..three... two... one.'

Once you reached 'one' you used all of your body weight to pull the man holding you forward and down with your bodyweight. he stumbled over you, and tackled you to the ground in the process. You heard a shot ring out and a struggle but the man now on top of you used his position to take a few blows to your face as you tried to block him as best you could.

Before he could land another, his body was ripped off of you and a metal hand slammed him against the wall so hard that he was knocked out. Not a second later, you were pulled into someone's arms. You struggled for a minute, not recognizing who was holding you and terribly on edge.

"It's me, it's me," he shushed and you looked up at him, wrapping your arms around his neck. You hadn't even realized you were crying until you noticed that his shoulder was wet.

"Im sorry." you whispered into his neck, "Im sorry."

"Hey, what are you sorry for?" he asked sincerely, bringing his hand to the back of your head to guide it so that he could see your face and look into your eyes.

"Y-you told me not to move and I-"

"You probably saved my life." He assured but it did little to make you feel much better. "It shouldn't have been a problem. I promised I would take care of you." He got quieter a the end of his sentence and he looked down towards his lap. You saw a tear forming in his eye.

"You couldn't have done anything more than you did. You were outnumbered and they were obviously very well trained."

His hand moved to trace along your face, moving over the damage that was surely there. You noticed the same about him. He had a dark bruise forming on his jaw and a scrape on his forehead above his eyebrow. You could feel the effect of the blows and you knew that they would take much longer to heal than the injuries that Bucky held. He could heal from just about anything in days. You would probably have scars.

"Maybe..." he paused and sighed. "Maybe you shouldn't live with me." He mumbled like he didn't want to say it. You pulled back a bit more to stare at him with raised eyebrows.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"They could have killed you. I was caught off guard and it almost cost you your life. You are in danger whenever I am with you and if I can't protect you then how can I justify putting you at risk just to see you to make myself happy."

"First you want me to move out, now are you talking about breaking up?" You almost shouted and he flinched.

"I don't want to, Y/N, but I can't watch you die."

"I didn't die!" You were actually shouting at this point despite his tone remaining calm. "This isn't your choice to make."

"Y/N, I won't survive you dying. I would go insane with revenge and grief and I don't think that I could live through it. You are far more likely to die when you are with me than with someone else. I can't justify putting you in the line of fire just because I selfishly want to be with yo-"

"I could die at any time." You rushed out. "I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, I could get a terminal illness next week, I could drop dead from a heart attack in three seconds. You don't get to choose for me the risks I am willing to take. I know that your job is dangerous, believe me. But you are the love of my life and if you leave me I don't know what I would do because I want to spend the rest of my life with you and if you left me, I don't..." Your voice got gentler and your voice broke on your last word.

He shushed you and shook his head and pulled you into him tightly.

"You're right." He sighed deeply. "Im sorry and you're right." He pushed his face into your hair.

"It's okay." You mumbled.

"I love you and I don't want you to leave but I am teaching you to fight."

It had seemed like such a simple question but lately, it had become more and more loaded. You had been dating for a year but the last 2 months were tense. He had started going on longer away missions, staying at the compound later, getting drinks with the guys after a night on the job. You were always there to support him working or hanging out with friends but you hadn't seen him in seemingly weeks. Hadn't talked to him in days. The last time you slept in the same bed was 8 days ago and he had only been on a mission for 5 of them. The others he had stayed at the compound, away from you.

Up until this point he had kept you hopeful with his calls and texts. That he was 'coming home soon, doll' and 'it's just that work has been kicking my butt'. Now he wasn't giving any explanation. He was being short and curt and it almost seemed mean. But that couldn't be right. Not your Bucky. Bucky could never be mean to you.

And yet, here you were looking through the last days of texts where his responses left something to be desired.

'I'm tired, doll. I have to cancel tonight.'

'Not coming home tonight'

'Staying at the compound after mission, I'll probably be home in a few days.'

'Just don't have the energy to deal with coming home, might be back in a few days'

The last one stung. You knew that it meant 'I don't have the energy to deal with you'. It hurt. He was turning into the person he had promised he would never be.

When you had met Bucky, you were just coming out of a relationship that ended badly. He was a jerk to you and didn't respect you but you stayed with him for a year because you thought that's what love was. That it's what you deserved. Then Bucky came along. He was kind and sweet and promised to do everything different from how your ex did. To always treat you like a queen. But right now you felt like dirt.

Part of you was angry at him, that he was doing this, not responding or coming home. Another part of you was angry at yourself. You had to look in the mirror every day. You wouldn't have come home to you either. You hated how you sounded whenever you opened your mouth. You hated the way he looked at you if you asked about the fact you hadn't been on any dates recently. You felt stupid and insignificant. You knew that it wasn't really his fault at all.

How could it be?

It had to be on you.

So you were upset. You felt guilty. You packed a bag. You wanted him to have space if he needed it. You called him, knowing that he would let it go to voice mail and planning on leaving him a message.

'Hey, Buck... So I don't know what I did, I don't know why you're avoiding me but that's okay. I bet you want to be able to come home, you just don't wanna be around me which is totally cool and fine. No worries. Anyway, I'm headed out for a few days to give you some space so you can come home without me there. I can stay away longer if you need. I'm sorry again. I love you. Okay, bye.'

You felt the pit in your stomach grow at the message but what else could you say. You were trying your best to make sure to not make him guilty. You looked at the backpack in hand and left your home, locking the door behind you. You were headed to your sister's place. She would have an open room and would let you stay longer if you needed. You just hoped Bucky was okay.

Bucky's head hurt after the mission he had just endured. It was tiring, long, and most of all loud. He would have sustained ear damage if he had not been a super-soldier. Still, he felt exhausted. He glanced at his phone as he stepped off the jet, finally having service after the 5-day mission. He saw some texts from you and sighed audibly.

He was so tired. He didn't want to think about anything besides sleep. He opened the text, meaning to respond, but he forgot and fell asleep before he could.

He awoke 10 hours later. He looked at his phone and it was early morning. He also saw that he had a voicemail from you which was strange.

'Hey, Buck... So I don't know what I did, I don't know why you're avoiding me but that's okay. I bet you want to be able to come home, you just don't wanna be around me which is totally cool and fine. No worries. Anyway, I'm headed out for a few days to give you some space so you can come home without me there. I can stay away longer if you need. I'm sorry again. I love you. Okay, bye.'

He took a breath. He knew he had been neglecting you recently and he felt bad about it. On the other hand, he was tired. He could only process about half the words you'd said. He'd have to listen to it again later. He didn't have the energy to come home and be comforted by you. He thought he might have a breakdown. So instead he stayed out. He figured you probably wouldn't mind, you never did. He had been harassed by Steve a few times. The two of you were close and he knew that Steve was starting to get fed up with his behavior.

You never complained though. Not to Steve, not to Bucky. He thought maybe one time you had gotten upset at the fact that you weren't going out together lately but bucky shot it down, tired from a mission and frustrated that you wanted him to go out again. He knew that it was more that you weren't spending time with each other that was upsetting you.

Sighing, he got out of bed and headed to the kitchen in the compound where he anticipated the team would be eating. When he arrived, he got a glare from everyone there. Well, this looked like it was going to be a good day.

"Good morning to you too." He grumbled and Natasha scoffed before leaving the room. Bucky gave Steve a questioning look but he didn't say anything back. Everyone else slowly left, not a word said to Bucky until just Steve remained.

"What's been going on with you?" Steve tried to be gentle.

"Oh, so he speaks." Bucky chuckled.

"I'm serious, Buck." Bucky looked up at him with a little bit of shock. He didn't know where this was coming from.

"Steve, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Y/N just left your home because she thinks you don't like her."

"That's not true," Bucky scoffed. That couldn't have been what your message said. Although at this point he had been too tired to really remember what your exact words had been. But that couldn't have been right.

"She called me last night Buck" You had called Steve? He tried not to be annoyed.

"And what did she say that's making you act like this."

"As I said, she thinks you don't want her around so she went to stay at her sister's house in case you wanted to come home without her there." Steve sighed. "She thinks you don't love her anymore and she's scared you're going to leave her so she's trying to give you space."

Bucky stared at his coffee for a moment. You thought he didn't like you anymore?

"Don't you realize what's happening?" Steve was trying to make Bucky connect the dots. "You're acting like Jackson. That's how you're treating her." At that, Bucky looked up at Steve with an offended look in his eyes.

"That's not what's happening," Bucky assured. He didn't know if he was trying to convince Steve or himself. His behavior was starting to dawn on him. He didn't know it was affecting you that much. You always brushed it off in front of him.

"Bucky, that's exactly what's happening. Exactly what you promised wouldn't happen is happening." Bucky shook his head. "You aren't talking to her about what's going on, you aren't hanging out with her anymore, and you don't let her know why or when you're missing an event. You are letting her think that it's her fault that you aren't seeing her."

"Steve, that's not what's happening." At this point, he was pleading. That couldn't be what was happening. He wouldn't have let that happen. He looked at his phone. He had to listen to your message again.

'Hey, Buck... So I don't know what I did, I don't know why you're avoiding me but that's okay. I bet you want to be able to come home, you just don't wanna be around me which is totally cool and fine. No worries. Anyway, I'm headed out for a few days to give you some space so you can come home without me there. I can stay away longer if you need. I'm sorry again. I love you. Okay, bye.'

He let out a shuddered breath. Steve was right. You were blaming yourself for his absence. Assuming that you did something wrong. He knew that you did this with your ex because he had seen it happen. It had infuriated him that Jackson would let that happen. Let you believe that you were at all at fault. But now he saw what he was turning into. He felt a tear gather in the corner of his eye.

Was this really what he had done? Without even knowing it was happening? How could he have been so careless?

"I don't..." Bucky trailed off, a faraway look in his eyes.

"She loves you, Buck. Too much for her own good. You could probably do anything and she still wouldn't break up with you. It's your responsibility not to take advantage of that like every other person before you has done."

Bucky knew he was right. Steve stood and left the kitchen with a huff. Bucky stared at his phone. He had to call you. He clicked on your icon and let it ring, praying you would answer.

You were sitting in your sister's guest bed on your computer when he called. Your heart stopped. Either he would call and want to see you or he was calling to break things off. You would have done anything to keep him with you. That had always been a problem for you. So you answered, dreading what the call could be about.

"Hey, Bucky" You started. Hoping you didn't sound too surprised.

"Hey, doll." He didn't sound very happy. This was the call. Oh god. "How would you feel about coming back to the house so we can talk. I know you said you went to your sister's bu-"

"I can be there," you assured.

"Okay great." There was a bit of a pause and both you and Bucky held your breath, waiting for someone else to make the first move. Out of anxiety you just started talking.

"Ok well I can be back in like an hour," you started. "Or I could wait for a while longer if you wanted me to-"

"Come whenever you can. I'm gonna be home all day." There was another pause.

"Should I bring my stuff with me or.." You tried to communicate what you dreaded this was about.

"Yes, please do." He assured. Bucky paused again. "I love you." You let out a breath you hadn't realized you were holding.

"I love you too. I'll be home in an hour." You assured. Bucky hung up. The sick feeling in your stomach was slightly lessened but you still let uneasy. You weren't still sure that he wasn't going to break up with you when you got home. It had felt like there had been a lot of distance built up. A lot of him pushing you away. It couldn't just be over. Could it?

Bucky felt uneasy after the call too. He knew that you were trying to gauge whether or not he was ending things which made him all the more upset because of course, he wasn't going to. Is that what he had done to you? And why had you taken it? He was so angry with himself.

He didn't know what to do with the hour that was awaiting him before you got home. He busied himself with cleaning up and fidgeting but by the time the doorbell rang an hour later, he had driven himself insane. As he opened the door, he took in your appearance. He could see the concealer that you were wearing to try to cover up the redness in your eyes from crying. He could hear your heart racing wildly. He could tell that you were nervous from your fidgety hands. He was getting angrier and angrier with himself by the minute. How had he not seen this happening?

You could tell he was upset when he opened the door. He scanned you for a moment. You prayed he couldn't tell how the last 12 hours had been for you. You didn't want him to know you had been upset at him. He opened the door and gestured for you to enter. You obliged cautiously.

When you got inside, it felt strange. there was so much anticipation in the air.

"I'm sorry." You spoke before you thought about it.

"For what?" Bucky had a disbelieving look on his face.

"For making you upset. If I've been asking too much of you lately. For leaving if you didn't want me to." You rambled on a bit. Bucky fell to sit on the couch and his face went into his hands. He let out a shaky sigh. You stopped talking.

"Doll, you are not at fault in this." He mumbled and you frowned a bit.

"I could have-"

"No, this is not your fault." You waited for him to continue. "I cant believe I didn't even notice this was happening." You were surprised to hear that his absence hadn't been on purpose.

"It's okay," you reassured, genuinely believing it to be true.

"Why didn't you leave me?" His question took you aback. Did he want you to?

"Well yesterday I was trying to-"

"No, doll. I'm sorry I'm not being more clear. Why didn't you break up with me when I've been neglecting you for the last 2 months."

"Well, I just thought..." you paused for a moment and Bucky waited for you. "I just figured that you didn't want to be around me as much and I thought that made sense." He shook his head again and he looked slightly horrified.

"Honey, you deserve so much better than that. That isn't what was happening and I'm sorry I let you think that it was." He almost had tears in his eyes. "You shouldn't have taken this from me."

"I just sort of thought this is how relationships with me went, I guess." You had seen how Jackson had ended. If this was what happened to you and Bucky then it had to be something wrong with you.

"Hasn't it bothered you?" He asked.

"I mean yeah but I just... I didn't really want to bring it up and upset you even more."

"I haven't been upset, baby. I promise. Ive just been a clueless dick who wasn't paying enough attention to his girl."

"I know that you've had a lot going on and stuff though."

"Please don't try to justify it, doll." He sighed again. "You are far too good for me."

"Don't talk about yourself like that-"

"No, please listen to me for a second." He grabbed your hand to pull you in front of where he was sitting on the couch. You made the move to straddle his thighs so you were as on his lap, now feeling more comfortable and sure that he wasn't going to end things. His hands fell to rest at your waist. "This can't happen again. I love you so much and I have been so awful at letting you know that's the case lately.

You deserve to be treated like gold. You are the greatest woman I have ever known and I wish you valued yourself like that. You shouldn't have let me do this. I mean I shouldn't have done it in the first place but you should have left me when I wasn't treating you right."

"Why would I have ever left you? You're perfect, Buck"

"No, I'm not Y/N. I have flaws and faults like every other person and you have to know that you deserve the best I can give you. Anything less is an injustice on my part." You didn't speak after that. You were thinking about his words.

"Okay." You mumbled.

"Okay?" he questioned.

"Okay, I'll let you know when it feels like this is happening again." You mumbled. "Or I'll try to."

"If you feel like you can't tell me then tell Steve. Tell someone so they can get my ass in check or can get you to stand up for yourself, babydoll. You have a voice in how you get treated... you should at least." he whispered out, still feeling endlessly guilty about the slightly clueless look on your face.

There was a pause in the room as you both let some of the tension fall from your shoulders.

"Are you going to be home for a while?"

"Yeah honey, I took the week off and then I promise that any night I am physically able, I am coming home. If I cant then I will call you and tell you all about why. Does that sound ok?"