Untitled

Mary does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while John waits outside as the getaway driver. They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and they become folk-heroes. Until one day their luck runs out and they get caught.

At trial, the judge condemns Mary to ten years in prison, while John gets two years. However, once they get to their respective prisons, they discover that due to a clerical error John will be serving ten years and Mary only two. Despite of her insistence, John convinces Mary to keep quiet about it.

After two years Mary gets out and she continues to visit John faithfully every month and they exchange letters and phone calls regularly for the remainder of his ten years.

Finally, after he does his time, John gets out and is joyfully reunited with Mary. They get married and move to a different state and start anew, leaving their life of crime behind. They raise a family with children and grandchildren and eventually reach old age, after having lived a happy marriage.

On their 50th wedding anniversary party, the entire family and friends are gathered. A great celebration is had, with many laughs and stories, recounting their life together.

The conversation turns to the secrets to a happy marriage. One of the guests asks Mary why she decided to stick with John while he was in prison, despite all of the hardships.

dm: …. and then?

persephone: start vibing

dm: *sighs* roll for vibe

persephone: *rolls nat 20*

dm who’s done™: you vibe so hard you transcend into another realm of existent, the yelling of your friends are nothing more than a whisper of the dead, you are one with the moss on the walls and leaks in the roof, you have finally found peace

Monster: And what about you? You could have a pirate ship to call your own. your own crew, if you help me.

Me, THE BARD: NO!! DON’T DO THAT!! IT JUST HATCHED.

The dm: it is a time dragon, it can just age itself up so this is valid I guess?

Strahd:(turns into vasali) hello Leo

Leo(our bard who had seduced vasali a few sessions ago): what? What? WHAT???

Me: I believe a male succubus is called an incubus

Friend: it actually doesn’t refer to gender at All, just who tops

At this point in the journey, however, we stop off at a brothel and each of us get our own rooms. My character, after a shower, heads downstairs to the front clerk to ask about what they offer in a brothel, wearing nothing but a long fur cloak (DM: you’re wearing what??).

My character: Pardon me, may I ask about your uh… your… services…?

Clerk: Absolutely. We offer rooms, meals, security, companionship services, an-

My character: *blushing* COMPANIONSHIP… Companionship… services??? What are those??

Clerk: well, uhh, you see we have staff on call who will talk to you throughout the night, play games with you, engage in sexual intercourse, or simply keep you company. Whatever you’d like, really. For a price of course

So my characters asks for two tieflings to join them in their room. One male, one female. As we sneak into my room, my team members catch glimpses of us and they all know what goes down in brothels and they’re all like @_@ dead curious about the extent of what will happen in my room.

Meanwhile:

My character: uh… uh hi, so… will you guys… have sex for me? Please?

Male tiefling: ? Yeah, sure

*they start sexing away*

My character: *scribbling furiously into notepad, glancing up frequently*

(Everyone around the table listening is confused as heck rn)

Female tiefling: *laughing* what are you doing over there?

My character: taking notes! May… May I ask! What… what does sex feel like? And… why…?

Male tiefling: Wanna join and find out? ;)

My character: Maybe! We’ll see!

Female tiefling: well at least come closer and get a better look and understanding

So we spend the evening, them showing my very fascinated character how to do the sex

DM: *dying of laughter from this whole situation* roll to see how much you gleaned from this experience

Me: nat 1

DM: you’re still not sure what happened and you’re notes don’t help, but you had fun!

1) They believed that ejaculating shortened your lifespan.

2) Masturbation was forbidden, both for the above reason and because of some line in the bible where God yells at a guy for pulling out.

there are dogs on that list

you wanna fuck a dog

wait

this is tumblr

This is not what i expected when i started this blog

To be fair, i wasnt expecting a whole lot when i started this blog in 2014

That being said, this is the Dungeon of Bad Decisions. As in, there are no good choices made here.

I’d argue to follow the harkness rule, as long as both the god & the mortal are considered adults for their species, its not pedophilic.

Paladin: is she pretty?

Me: Yes?

Wizard: I cast Haste on [Barbarian].

Bard: I cast Greater Invisibility on [Barbarian].

Rogue: I open the door.

Barbarian: I Rage and go charging in towards the Goblins.

Rogue: I close the door.