I would kill for Bingus

if i couldn't have any of the obvious first choice superpowers i would want my power to be the power of i can go anywhere and its not a problem. the way this power would work is that as long as im peaceful and respectful i can go anywhere and nobody will see it as weird or see me as a target for hostility. i can walk into a cool house to politely peep the decor or walk into a tall office building to politely peep the decor or walk around a city at night alone to politely peep the decor or walk into a strange facility to politely peep the decor or walk onto a plane and ride the plane to its destination and then walk around there to politely peep the decor and its fine as long as im chill. no need to make me faster or anything i can just walk at a normal pace. its good for the soul.

Who the fuck is that thing tolling for

Can’t wait to not sleep at all on September 11th

i know ur from the uk(?) but reading this as an american is really really funny

why 😭 it’s about twenty one pilots???? Their new album is out sep 12th????

the rest of the movies make saw 1 so fucking funny. the bathroom trap is such an outlier. john spent 6 hours lying on a cold bathroom floor listening to two guys gossip about him and went Never Again

you could follow the genuinely funny poster who is going to be gone in 6 months, or you could follow me, the mediocre-to-okayish poster who's been on tumblr for 11.5 years and will be here until the flames finally reach and destroy the data center with our precious memories

oh that poison damage I've been taking? just talking to my mom yknow

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you may think misogyny is good because it is made up of miso, which is delicious, and gyny, which is woman. and girl miso sounds great. but 👆 it is not girl miso

will you ever forgive me

jesus christ did i fucking kill them im sorry

you may think homicide is good because it is made up of homo, which is gay, and cider, which is delicious. And gay cider sounds great. but 👆 it is not gay cider

Yeah sorry I can't come into work today. I accidentally heard Primadonna by Marina formerly of and the Diamonds. So I need the day to be a primadonna girl. Yeah it's going to be the whole day.