i dunno, this is my space @a-marble - Tumblr Blog

when life gives you limes, turn them into lemons and then complain about it

said by @sparkles-rule-4eva at dinner tonight

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kaijuno

pudello

saint-augustines-pears

think the thing we’re missing most these days is solemnity. humanity really yearns for the serious and the solemn. you can see it in our culture, people cracking jokes during wedding masses and funerals, movies having no purpose except to bring in money through marvel quotes. life is serious! we only live it once, people die, people vow their lives to one another, none of this is serious enough to refrain from joking? killing the sacred nature of solemnity I think is seriously injuring us as human people.

we want direction and aim, and belittling it in everything we come about, whether media or real life, teaches us that those things are not to be taken seriously. and if we cannot take these things seriously, we will be left feeling directionless and aimless.

trapped--under--rice

please behold the 24 Hours of Lemons race, in which you can only spend $500 total on a car to cross country race for 24 hours

named after the legendary 24 hour Le Mans race, Lemons rallies barely legal cars in an endurance race across America. had the privilege of sharing the freeway with this race and seeing the absolute art od this event

friendly-neighborhood-patriarch

This is so American I could CRY

hogmilked

oh this is nothing. some of my favorite lemons entries are:

an airplane stuck on a toyota minivan

this miata built by rocket scientists

the mr2 boat

the nyan cat bmw that i think actually played the song at all times

the homer simpson car built by uranium workers

this limo whose brakes caught on fire

the dumbest corolla and supra wearing funny hats

and so much more. 24 hours of lemons my beloved

robinade

In conversation with multiple posts going around discussing technical literacy and typing skills…

I HAD typing classes: my typing speed is less than 35 Words Per Minute

I did NOT have typing classes: my typing speed is less than 35 WPM

I HAD typing classes: my typing speed is 36-45 WPM

I did NOT have typing classes: my typing speed is 36-45 WPM

I HAD typing classes: my typing speed is 46-55 WPM

I did NOT have typing classes: my typing speed is 46-55 WPM

I HAD typing classes: my typing speed is 56-69 WPM

I did NOT have typing classes: my typing speed is 56-69 WPM

I HAD typing classes: my typing speed is faster than 70 WPM

I did NOT have typing classes: my typing speed is faster than 70 WPM

I'm on mobile/ vanilla extract option

Voting ended onJul 20

➡️ Take a typing test here (and you need an actual, physical keyboard for this):

The industry-standard benchmark used by employers and typing certifications worldwide.

➡️ 'Typing classes' refers to computer skills classes you might have had in school; you can also count games or other related typing training your parents might have had you do.

➡️ Across 3 different typing test websites*, the (english language) world average typing speed is 40 WPM.

*typingtest.now, typingtestgo.com, typerworld.com

#to do later

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glowsticks-and-jesus-deactivate

Isn’t it just the coolest thing that we can talk to Jesus directly? Like… we don’t need temples or blood sacrifices or offerings or idols.. we can just go the creator of the whole universe and tell Him everything on our hearts and minds. How amazing is that?

rabbitrah

Me thinking why a whale (big) would eat krill (small) and then I remembered rice (yum)

rabbitrah

so few people appreciate the wisdom I have to offer.........

catholicapothecary

important point that i haven’t seen anyone talk about really

ivebeensetonfire

@legitimately

#dang it it's me

organical-mechanical

my new hobby is making fake alcoholic drinks out of jello

organical-mechanical

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tragediegh

stay vigilant. there are still people out there who will try to convince you that eating fruit is somehow bad for your body

#for real #“there's so much sugar!!”#THERE'S SO MANY VITAMINS DID YOU THINK ABOUT THAT??#ALSO YOUR BRAIN RUNS ON SUGAR

tasty-tiktoks

nealashitposts

I recently found out why my mom would never sleep around me when I was a kid. Like she’d never let herself take naps or sleep if I was awake, ever. Or if she did, she would lock her bedroom door. So when I was 6, I was asleep in my bed in the middle of the night when I hear a loud bang, like a pot being dropped and come out to the living room to see my mom standing by the window, with just a huge pile of spaghetti all over the sill, and a pot on the ground, and I ’m like “Are you gonna eat all that?” And ya’ll she get’s BIG MAD and yells at me and chases me to my room but then a little while later a bunch of cops show up and ask me a bunch of random ass questions about my art? Like this one cop lady keeps asking me to draw dragons for her?! And they seem mad as hell

I didn’t want to get arrested so I just never asked my mom for spaghettis after that. Lesson, learned. Don’t ask mom for spaghettis or she’ll call the damn police on you.

So I have this memory in my head, and it goes unquestioned until I say it outload for the first time a few months back and as soon as I say the words “When I was six, my mom called the cops on me for asking for spaghettis” My adult logic slams into place and is like “Hang on. Your mother definatly did not call the police on a 6 year old for asking for spaghetti.”

So obviously that’s not what really went down. I call up my mom to tell her how I remember it and on top of her figuring out why her kid has always been really cagey around spaghettis for the last 3 decades she tells me what really happened.

So on that night, a man tried to break into our house through the front window. It was just my mom, and her kids so she did what she felt she had too and shot him in the head. He’d been wearing a helmet, which landed on the floor under the window.

Now I just want ya’ll to put yourselves in my moms shoes for a minute here. This woman has just taken a human life. The trauma of that- the instant agony, the panic, the guilt, the fear- all of it hitting her at once, her only solace the knowledge that her children are safe. She protected her daughters. No matter the cost to her soul- her children are safe.

Then she looks up and sees her six year old staring at the inside of this mans head before saying “Are you gonna eat all that?”

nealashitposts

I suspect they were trying to keep me busy and distracted while they cleaned up the corpse in the living room?!?

nealashitposts

someone said tumblr nuked this post, but I could never be so lucky.

teaboot

I hate that thing some people do where it's like. "I left my wallet on the table to see if you'd say anything" or "I wanted to see if you'd wash the car if I stopped doing it"

Cause like

I dont know about anyone else

But I am perpetually hovering three inches above the strong subconscious belief that everyone knows what they're doing at all times except me, so if you change your normal patterns and I notice, then I will assume it is an intentional choice with a thought-out plan behind it and I will avoid interfering

And if I don't notice, because I won't, because why would I, because not much bothers me and if you don't say anything to indicate you are bothered then how would I KNOW

teaboot

Alternatives to experimenting on me like a lab rat when you suspect me of being inconsiderate:

"I feel like I'm the only one who does this chore. Can we start taking turns?"

"I'd like you to ask me how I'm doing more often."

"It bothers me when this area stays messy so long. Can you do X when Y happens?"

"I feel like the onus is on me to initiate X, and it's wearing me down. Could you try making the first move more? Like 3-4 times a week?"

"I'm feeling upset right now and I'd like to spend some time with you."

"When X happens, I feel like you're taking my work for granted."

"I'm feeling neglected. Could you do X?"

"I'm burnt out and need help."

"I feel like I'm the only one putting effort into X."

"Do you notice this?"

"Are you bothered by this?"

"I am bothered when this happens."

"X habit of yours bothers me."

"When X is like this, I feel bad. Can you [action] when you notice X?"

hug-your-face

spin-the-wheel-polls

you have won a lifetime supply of this

How do you feel?

good!

I CAN SELL THIS AND GET RICH

im drowning in my supply help

Eh it's okay

BAD. VERY BAD

results/other

Voting ended onJul 15

you would receive the supply once a month

the brand/type will vary so you could

you can sell the things you get/give them away but they will keep coming until you die

#toasters #I'd sell them #not sire if id get rich #but passive income would be nice

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doyouknowwhatimeme

serenity-bitty

reminds me of

the shellfish allergy NO NO FUCKING S HRIMP OR HE D IE post

p1netre3s

reminded me of this

whosname

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]

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i dunno, this is my space