Words and Needles

(via bsky)

Instead of seeing the house as clean/not clean, it helps a lot to see cleaning as a constant upkeep of your environment. Taking care of your home, and of yourself, is a good thing!

As y’all probably all know, I am schizophrenic. I talk about it a tad too much. But I wanted to talk about symptoms and al. So, schizophrenia has three ‘categories’ of symptoms: positive, negative and cognitive. Positive symptoms are what most people think of when they think of schizophrenia: hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, etc. negative symptoms are common daily processes that are removed from my thinking process; basically, things we do not experience that ‘sane’ people do. Inability to feel pleasure, apathy, flat or disordered affect, etc. cognitive symptoms affect essential brain functions: your memory, ability to speak, write, and think ‘clearly’, and basic executive function. I am semi verbal irl because of this and struggle deeply with complex communication.

Before I was on certain medications, I could barely be understood. My thoughts, words, and writing sense to *me*, but to others I was impossible to understand. Sane people were used to the ‘correct’ ways of speaking and writing, and I was unable to do that. It was deeply isolating and aggravating, and it made it impossible to do basically anything. Had I not figured out the right cocktail I would have dropped out of high school, and never gone to college or get a job. Now, on meds, I was able to do those things, but only with extreme difficulty. And while most of the time these days I can pretend to be sane, that is never a guaranteed, and I absolutely have days where I am back to stage one. the world doesn’t stop just because I am unable to function. The bills don’t care. My boss doesn’t care. I have to suck it up and move on.

I know the problem I’m facing here is society. It is a systemic issue, and will require radical reform to fix. I know AI is a bandaid, not that fix. But I also know that society ain’t gonna change as fast as I need it to in order to function as expected in sane society. So when I have to send emails, or call people, or write a memo, yes, I do use AI. I fully agree that my cognitive difficulties, which are caused by a serious neurological disorder, should not have to be ‘fixed’ for me to live. I should be able to exist as I am. But that is not today’s reality. And making comments about someone being stupid, moronic, lazy, worthless and pathetic, using cognitive disabilities as insult, sometimes even the r word, is all textbook ableism. telling someone with a serious mental disability that they’re evil because they’re trying to find a support aid when so few others exist… in my opinion, acting like that to a disabled person trying to find help is pretty damn evil too. These ableist insults, are constantly and consistently said to me any time I mention (accidentally, because I try pretty damn hard to hide it) that I use ai to write my emails. Yes, including the insults regarding my cognitive abilities. Yes, including the r word. And I’m so, so tired of it.

I know there are serious, severe problems with ai. I live in an area that is in drought a majority of the year, and my community , including me, are rightful protesting the data center being bought near our only fresh water source. If I had another accessible, free, easy to use support aid, I would use it. But I don’t. And heaven knows if I’m too disabled to consistently write an email, I’m too disabled to build my own support aid solution that people say I should as their only solution.

It’s okay for people to hate me for using ai. They have a right to their opinions and feelings. I agree that ai is horrible for the environment, and that things have to change. But if one more person regurgitates the most ableist bullshit I’ve ever heard to my face and then use the problems of ai as their defense, I’m rolling with the schizophrenic stereotype and popping them in the mouth.

It’s the final few days of the Bluminarmour Project! After some issues with Kickstarter let’s see how far we can get!

If you want to see fantasy tropes, historical movement and silly tricks tested in authentic full plate armour, please consider chucking a few quid over (or like and share this post):

Kickstarter removed my highest funding tier so I lost £11k of funding since earlier today.

BUT

because it's fiction. my favorite character is In-ho from squid game, the guy responsible for the deaths of more than 400 people each year, does that mean I condone murder in real life because my favorite fictional character is a murderer????

I feel like the reason it's fine and normal when people like villains who are "just murderers" but the second it's anything sexual and/or anything that involves a female character it's "OMG SO YOU'RE OKAY WITH SA AND ABUSE IN REAL LIFE???" is because deep down people still see sex as something ugly and dirty, and women as "something weak that must be protected at all costs", and that's just sad.

a lot of women have rape fantasies. a lot of normal couples enjoy cnc kink, and these couples have normal, healthy relationships. because it's all fiction and fantasies. it's NOT. REAL. no one in real life is being harmed.

I'm a woman. and a lot of my whump fics, the majority of them, are about rape. that doesn't mean I think what I write and read is okay in real life. it means I'm mature enough to separate fiction from reality.

"surely it can't be good for young children and teens to see relationships like that" — young children and teens should learn the differences between fiction and reality, they should learn what's right and what's wrong, FROM THEIR PARENTS. it's NOT people on the internet's job to censor themselves in order to try and shield random people's kids from things that are inappropriate for them. THAT'S THEIR PARENTS' JOB. if your kids are on the internet and if they choose to read something I post, that is rated and tagged properly, then it is NOT my responsibility to hold their hands and teach them right from wrong.

I don't have to censor myself for other people's kids. I will not censor myself for other people's kids. if your kids click on my works, that's on them. I already rate and tag my warnings properly.

you don't have to like these taboo topics in fiction. you can be uncomfortable with them. but your personal feelings and discomfort still don't give you the rights to judge other people for their taste in fiction. it doesn't give you the right to control or shame people for how they create their art or how they enjoy their fictional stories.

there are things in fiction that I am uncomfortable with, but instead of judging people who like these things, I mind my own business.

last but not least, I hope everybody who sees this post — and wants to write about dark, taboo, messed up things — writes those dark, taboo and messed up things that they want. and I hope they do so unapologetically.