*practising internet safety* Saw the world's longest or maybe shortest freight train or civilian train or bus or airplane or ferry go by either near or far from or of a middling distance from my apartment/house/duplex/mansion/yurt on a walk today.

i was about to say this is at the Toronto airport and then suddenly it definitely. Was. Not.

in fucking Tears thinking about how disgusting a baby griffin would look

three person poly relationship made up of two people who are already dating trying to coax someone with horrific self worth issues into a loving relationship. stray cat style

they’re all laying together in bed and the couple are both thinking to themselves like good, he stayed the night to cuddle and talk when we offered, he should know that we genuinely care for him and want this to be more then a handful of one night stands. and the stray cat guy is like wow this sure is nice i think i’m falling in love with them. it’s really too bad that they don’t actually give a fuck and hate me and probably want to kill me with hammers for no reason

Hey Derin what the fuck

If I were an evil empress then I would execute people via an esoteric mind blast power where I'd lead them into a room and burn away their personalities and memories until they were an empty vessel and then send them home to their families, newly innocent and pardoned, where they'd have to be taught who they were and how to live from the ground up like a baby. (Or abandoned, I suppose, depending on the family.) Except I wouldn't actually have any such powers. I'd have a shapeshifting power that I'd use to turn my enemies into a piece of furniture and turn that piece of furniture into them, then send home a polymorphed candlestick or whatever for their family to dote on while my enemy goes on the table to hold candles for the rest of their 'life'.

someone explain to me what is even going on

two gameboys trading pokemons over linkcable.

Is there an award for best gif because I’d like to nominate this one.

Alright. Okay, Everybody listen up. We have good news and bad news. The bad news, the bad news is that as you've likely already noticed, The Beast without Measure or Mercy or Knowable Form has once again begun descending nightly from its highland lair to ravage our humble farming village, we are, once again, being ravaged. You've likely already noticed. That's the bad news. That's bad. The good news is, uh, the good news is that right now it appears to be exclusively attacking and devouring all of the, uh, all of the very small children. Specifically the babies. No, hang on, shut up, shut up, all of you shut- No, I don't want it eating the babies, Jesus, lady, let go of me- I'm just saying that it's not really negatively affecting our ability to respond strategically by doing so. Because besides a few bouts of grief-induced catatonia we're still at like 99% operational capacity here, right? The babies were all very cute but they were not gonna be the ones packing into this hovel to come up with a game plan. Babies weren't the ones with institutional knowledge of how this thing was banished last time, babies aren't the ones who know how to forge pitchforks and light torches. In fact, babies didn't do shit around here! Easily our weakest link. If it was starting with the twenty somethings we'd really be fucked. I mean forget about the athletics involved of the monster hunting, we would not be getting the harvest in before first frost

Look, everyone, just- okay, I get it, many of you liked your babies, a couple of you still do, I get it, I get it, I get it, but put me down and think big picture here! We are a humble farming village. We were always gonna lose a bunch of 'em to mountain scurvy and mumps and all that humble farming village shit. It's just that this time it's a Beast of Form Unknowable that bursts through your wall at night and eats your kid right out of your arms, so you're experiencing the loss as a sudden sharp shock instead of as a long winding despair where you're watching it happen while knowing you can't do dick about it because the marauders marauded off with all our seed corn. For example. It's not part of the, the background radiation of your life yet, that aching, ambient sense of failure, yours or the worlds, you aren't quite sure. You'll never be sure. But once you've gotten used to never being sure? Well, compared to someone of fighting age, the turnaround time on a new baby is actually pretty- guys. Guys. Please put me down

It kind of fucks with me that somebody killed ötzi the iceman because ötzi himself is like whatever but the silent presence of human hands that drew back the string of the bow that shot the arrow that killed him is crazy. the idea that there were various people involved in that situation and while one of them has had his last hours painstakingly reconstructed and studied to no end, the others now only exist insofar that an arrowhead had to get into his shoulder somehow. imagine killing someone and then suddenly your entire existence is only a vague shadow implied by the fact that you killed them. much to consider

Testing the mummified bone marrow of ötzi to figure out his ancestry whole time there’s definitely another person, maybe more than one, standing in the room with us but I can never see or speak to them because I only know them through the assurance that they were there too in the form of one single arrowhead. I hate prehistory so much it’s unreal

i have learned today in a sort of trial by fire that tumblr is like a vape to me. Not good

has anybody seen my tumblr. no it’s fine i just want to make a post on tumblr. i’m chill man but have you seen it? my tumblr? no i’m not sitting on it are you sitting on it? okay that’s it everybody get up off the couch i need to find my tumblr. nobody can FUCKING sit down until i find my tumblr haha seriously guys where is it right now literally where is it. (i tear the couch apart until my tumblr comes back online) i swear im not addicted.

*right clicks on you*

*views your properties*

I shall prepare a stew for the wedding! Extra salt!

wait wait wait stew goblin wait