Kings are a rare sight in the North

I would like to wish everyone an uneventful new year

May we live in very uninteresting times

This post is a week old and aged like curdled milk almost instantaneously

My favorite type of characters are “they’re not dumb but they are a dumbass”

i have such a bad diet my cells have unionized and refuse to work unless i eat an orange

I think that’s called scurvy

I’m watching Tidying Up, and why did no one tell me that this sweet, delightful woman so pointedly drags straight men for complaining about the mess while not really helping their wives with like anything??? The small cock of her head when she looks them in the eye and asks “you don’t help?” in the sweet voice and you see the fear of god behind their eyes. It fuels me. 

She included in her testimonials a client that said something like “I learned to tidy up things that didn’t bring me joy. So i left my husband. I feel so much happier now.” she’s so subtly brutal lmao

Congratu-fucking-lations.

I would pay so much to have this as a ringtone I’m not even joking.

Why?????

@sillygooseface TORI I’M CRYING PLEASE LISTEN

Holy shit.

@madamefaust

Maybe we don’t hear as much about organized crime these days because they’ve gotten REALLY organized.

sir you are referring to the government 

Treat spiders the way you want to be treated

Killed without hesitation