I'm just waking up to go back to bed.

"Every time we approach something fucking adorable, it goes south." "Not everything adorable is here to kill you."

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Sympathy: I feel for you

Con O’Neill, MCM Comic Con panel with Nathan Foad and Kristian Nairn, London May 27, 2023

LOOK AT THEM 🥹

Requested by: Anonymous Request: “I know this is pretty specific, but I am hyper fixating on the apocalypse rn, so what do you think about enemies to lovers prompts, but in the apocalypse?? Love your acc so much!!” 

“As much as I hate you and want you dead, I don’t want to have to witness seeing you being eaten by one of those fuckers.”

“Are you actually brainless and think the zombies won’t get you? What made you think that was a good fucking idea?”

“Leave if you don’t want to die too—” “Funnily enough, I don’t want you to die alone.”

“Oh, so now you want to act like you give a shit about me—” “I’ve always given a shit about you, I just didn’t know how to show it until I saw you being attacked like that by someone who isn’t me.” 

“Why’d you save me? Thought you wanted me dead.” “Well, I want the reason to be me, not by the hands of some infected wanker.” 

“Oh, I’m sure zombies wouldn’t want to eat someone who clearly doesn’t have a fucking brain anyway, so why are you so scared?” “Well, I guess you and zombies have something in common. You’re attracted to brainless people like me.” “Who— what?! What utterly preposterous accusation is that?!” 

“You stupid idiot! You could have died out there like that! And here you were, talking about wanting to get out of this alive and shit!”

“We’re in the apocalypse, for God’s sake! Stop giving each other those bedroom eyes,” Character C complains. Their complaints are met by flabbergasted sounds and noises which resemble denial from both Character A and B.

“Oh my God, you fucking stink!” “Yeah, well, you don’t smell of roses and daisies yourself so let’s get some sleep and conserve our energy for later.” “You’re telling me to share this makeshift bed with you?” 

“Why did you… You could have gotten bitten yourself!” “Yeah, well, I clearly care more about your survival than I would have realised, and my former self would have liked.” 

How heartbreaking would it be when you're trying to cast Cure Wounds on her? In order to heal her, you have to hurt yourself and she KNOWS IT. You go to cast Longstrider on the party and you hesitate as you reach Karlach. Yeah, it's only a few points of damage, it's not that big a deal, but does she REALLY need it? Is it worth it?

You linger, hesitate. You realize you don't want to touch her. You realize that's what EVERYONE thinks when they see her. You realize she KNOWS You're hesitating, staring at her sheepishly as you try to think of whether or not it's worth the pain just to help her.

You learn to support her from a distance. Healing Word. It's not as effective, but you don't need to get hurt for her sake. And so she learns to get used to receiving help from a distance. Just words of encouragement. It's all anyone wants to give her. Maybe it's all she'll ever get.

Aid? Bardic Inspiration? You don't need to touch her to give it to her. You can keep her at a distance and not get burned. And you're still helping her.

Not For Puppies

One of the other fun tricks of private equity firms is to charge the company to be managed by them. Imagine if your boss charged you literal actual dollars to be managed by them.