The rest is silence

it’s unlikely I’ll die on my hill because I have created a mott & bailey castle up here which is difficult to assault unless you have sophisticated siege equipment

Sometimes I go "meow meow meow." Not today though because I'm full of darkness.

Man who hates the very concept of life and all living beings: I should design portal websites for colleges and job applications

i would like to officially thank sesame for its seeds, its oil, and of course its street

the replacement of websites with apps sounds so backwards when you actually describe it. like hmm you have to download an entire program onto your device each time you want access to a portal, where it takes up storage indefinitely. somebody should invent an app where you can "browse" any portal just by typing in its address... 🥴

does anyone know how to go to sleep

They should invent a tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow that doesn’t creep in this petty pace from day to day

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.

At some point in your life you will be adding garlic to a dish and you will think "that is not enough garlic." These are angels speaking. They are correct. Add more garlic.

wedding dresses are white specifically so that if the bride goes axe-crazy you can rest assured you will see the blood stains all over her and it'll be sick as fuck

help I’m having ideas beyond my available free time

help I'm having ideas beyond my available energy levels

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

*thinks about OCs* *Thinks about OCs* *thinks about OCs* *thinks About OCs* *thinks about OCs* *Thinks About OCs* *thinks about OCs* *THINKS ABOUT OCS* *thinks about OCs* *thinks about OCS* *thinks about OCs* *THINKS about OCs* *thinks about OCs* *thinks ABOUT OCs* *thinks about OCs* *thinks about OCs* *Thinks about OCs* *thinks about OCs* *thinks About OCs* *thinks about OCs* *Thinks About OCs* *thinks about OCs* *THINKS ABOUT OCS* *thinks about OCs* *thinks about OCS* *thinks about OCs* *THINKS about OCs* *thinks about OCs* *thinks ABOUT OCs* *thinks about OCs*

Who makes the porn bots. Where do they come from. What do they hope to achieve.

This. This is the first time. The only time. That it was not an echo. It was not found. Oh god.

[ID: Crying cat meme with text: wait. hold on a minute. i think i need a moment wait. wait, wait. hold on. i need a moment. i need. to sit down i think wait. wait. old honh on, wait, please i am breaking down. hold on wai // End ID]

hello this is your google account. did you know that you are trying to log in. to. your google account. would you like five emails about how you logged in to your google account.

i have a croissant related grievance

the entire appeal of the croissant is that it is a layered pastry item. it has a light flaky texture. the layers are in there specifically to create a fluffy, airy eating experience. that's the intention of the lamination process. having so many layers of butter and thin pastry dough make the croissant puff up when it's baked so that when you bite into it the pastry has a texture similar to puff pastry. the entire point is to fill the pastry with air. therefore any trendy hybrid variant of the croissant such the "cruffin" or the "cronut" or the worst offender of all the "croffle" which involve jamming the unbaked croissant or compressing it into a flat shape completely betray croissant as it was originally intended. they defeat the nature of the croissant by forcing it into something it was never meant to be, removing the unique core of its identity, killing its appeal and thus its entire reason for being. now am i saying you can't enjoy a cronut or croffle? of course i would not say this. you can enjoy any pastry you want to enjoy because it's your time on earth. i want you to enjoy your croffle. you should enjoy your croffle. also, you can commit any sin you like and i can't stop you nor do i want to. i won't hear your arguments because you don't need to convince me. but you must understand, as you eat it, that the croffle should not exist. it is a mistake. it is an insult not only to the croissant but to me as an individual. i am not french

This reads as someone with a strong moral code (people should be free to experience joy without arbitrary regulation, you don’t have to like what other people like but your discomfort is your own problem) trying to maintain their faith in a time of hardship (they keep doing weird shit to croissants)

ill be so honest this read of my character in such a fraught croissanted context has me tearing up with the raw joy of being seen