"thou crusty batch of nature"-Shakespeare @whoopdiedont - Tumblr Blog

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ampervadasz

thickness-protection-program

Edward Cullen energy

jultheevirgo

what does that mean?

thickness-protection-program

dimetrodone

Imagine being Friend Bear and the embodiment of friendship in Care-a-Lot and some fuck named “Best” Friend Bear suddenly comes into town

headspace-hotel

i would turn into fucking Enemy Bear

hhawkeye

this post on reddit fucking killed me the other day

orarewedancy

So I work at a video game store in a mall and across the hall from us is this really nice suit shop. One day one of the guys came in an asked if they could use our microwave (the store they used to go to closed down) and we bargined for use of their bathroom in return since the mall bathrooms are like a 5 min trek.

So for like three months now we just have these men in really nice suits come in and talk while using our microwave and teach them about nerdy shit? Then I, the goblin king in various shitty tee shirts and paint stained pants, walk into their super expensive store and just get greeted with “Yo dude what’s good?” and talk about the pains of steaming silken dress shirts properly and it’s my favorite business interaction every day

orarewedancy

A new jewelry store opened up right next to our store and when I used the bathroom today we were talking about it. I hate it on principle (they flooded our systems closet during building) and immediately both Suit Guys™ working went on mini rants. “Their suits are baggy as hell, I wouldn’t trust them to sell me a $9,000 ring when they can’t get a fitted jacket. They look so unprofessional, ” and “I saw one of the dude’s wearing a teal shirt. It’s fall, and you go with teal? At least get a color to match your store if you’re gonna ignore the seasons like that, Christ, but teal is awful.”

I live for this commentary fam.

chrispineofficial

#flower shop/tattoo artist au is out #suit shop/nerd store au is in

orarewedancy

I feel the need to add a story to this? My co-worker brought his longboard to work, and one of the suit guys reminisced on how he used to ride pretty often. So Co-Worker and I were like, “Dude, go give it a spin, who cares, this mall is huge.” He was nervous about it because there are mall cops on segways everywhere (with helmets, like bruh, full on Paul Blart) and he was worried he was gonna get caught, and eventually we made a bet that he could ride down to Macy’s and back (it’s like a straight shot). So dead ass, this man hung up his jacket, took a running start, and zipped down the hallway with his tie in the breeze.

He evaded the mall cops and claimed that was, “One of the biggest rushes he’s ever felt.”

me-choy-me-noy

LOVING THIS CONTENT

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niedopalek

i would love to see modern british people try and build stonehenge today. they couldn’t. whatever it took for them to build something like stonehenge has been completely lost over time

female-malice

Not lost over time. Lost to Christian forces eradicating traditional saxon culture.

niedopalek

well if you’re gonna be serious on my funny post i have to inform you that stonehenge was built 3600 years before the Saxons first set foot in england

fallenangelvictorious

This vibe is like some tried to correct a clown mid show and they pulled off their wig, mask, and funny clothes to reveal an anthropology professor

poiregourmande

me: you’ve already used this exact turn of phrase two paragraphs ago, that’s too repetitive

me, an intellectual: if I use it three more times it becomes a motif

funnytwittertweets

smithsonian-official

i ADORE the anomitinity of tumblr. when i post stupid ass shit from my mush brain on like snapchat or whatever i gotta deal with messages like “are you okay?” and “what does this even mean”. here i can just post 30 pictures of dinosaurs in a row and my followers will be like YEEEEEAAAA BABBY

smithsonian-official

the other day i posted something on snapchat saying “if we gave monkeys guns i think deforestation would end” and someone sent me a link to an online therapy site i hate it here

watcherscrown

i know this really isn't the point but i'm loving the attempt at spelling anonymity

freeshavacado

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fanonical

katara: so i’m a waterbender

katara: which apparently includes being able to turn water to ice, and also to bend sweat and blood

katara: my question is - can i bend any liquid, or does that liquid have to have a high water component?

toph: so we’re testing which one of us can bend liquid mercury

sokka: and i’m taking bets!

flameo-hotman

This feels like a YouTube intro for Sokka’s science based YouTube channel Science with Sokka

liquidstar

theres a hole in the wall in my brothers’ room because they were fighting (for fun not anger) in there once and one of them knocked the other into the wall so hard his head made that hole, so they put two small skeletons in there for decoration

liquidstar

they tapped up the “décor” sign up because according to them the skeleton is named décor and the one underneath him is his husband. also worth noting that they found 2 dollars in there the other day

liquidstar

FVGBH;SXDCFVGNJNFKLEOI45UT6Y

nasa-is-shaking

I just love it when Décor the Skeleton finds his way back onto my dash

powerfulwizard

gelledegg

this is what ancient greek philosophy is like

neenarchive

ancient vampire characters who pursue teenagers like.... romantically... you are absolutely swagless. die

neenarchive

i don't care if she looks like your dead wife if she's worried about what she'll wear to prom and you personally remember the louisiana purchase what common ground could you possibly have i am going to stake you

neenarchive

seravph

ndiecity-deactivated20241101

alright I reflected on the self. I'm 100% sure the beasts are the issue here

runby2

Hell yeah bro. 🤝Time for top surgery

runby2

sorry homie. I see now you said beasts. Like, The animal . Not breasts. The word for boobs. Did not mean to threaten you.

ndiecity-deactivated20241101

this is so fucking funny

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vnusplanetoflove

losercore girlcore sitting in her roomcore

vnusplanetoflove

obsessed with this tag

abimee

I hate the trope of "I refuse to hit women!! [Gets decked]" cause it's boring but I do like the trope of someone in an RPG going "hey I don't wanna hit a kid that's kinda fucked up" and the kid just obliterates them

abimee

"i refuse to hit a woman!" = Sexist, overdone, does nothing to actually empower the woman or make the guy seem nice

"I refuse to hit a kid" = valid, even funnier when the kid whips absolutely ass in one go

inotrope

Avatar: doing it right yet again

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"thou crusty batch of nature"-Shakespeare