pomophobic

what's so interesting, what I think is part of the reason that it can be hard for old and young to understand each other, is that the older you get, the more time flattens...and then, even though it's longer ago than when you were a kid, the past seems so much closer than ever. you realize the fifties we're so long ago. the twenties. the 1800s. the 1600s. back and back you can see all these people as more real than ever before and you think so my grandmother had a grandmother, and she had a grandmother. and so it goes. on and on. and you think oh I know how teenagers felt because I was a teenager, too. and you see how time isn't neat little eras, but one continuous evolution. and I wonder how I'll feel when I'm 60. or 70. or if I'm lucky, will I be 80? and how when I'm 80 how old the 1990s must seem to such a little child, how fictional and fantastical it will be to them. and the truth of it all comes just a little too late because we tragically don't get to live that long when you think about it. how interesting and sad and yet amazing and funny all at once.

your life is not an optimization problem

as in you'll never achieve the perfect daily routine, sleep schedule, coping mechanisms, mannerisms, fashion sense etc. even after years and years of healing and improvement and self-discovery. you will never be so good at life that you manage to utilize every waking moment. its great to be productive and all but sometimes you'll suck ass. sometimes you'll take eight hours to be done with a twenty minute job. you'll prioritize the wrong thing. you'll sleep for 12 hrs just to avoid being awake. you'll relapse. and you'll relapse again. you'll forget to turn in the assignment. you'll order too little food. life is far too large and complex for you to even experience it completely, much less try to make sense of and control it. you can't. please give up on that and be at peace with the hours you lose. they are not separate from your life.

This is what Sapphic romance is supposed to be all about. Lesbians in the early 20th century were obsessed with neo-Hellenism. They learned ancient Greek, worshipped Greek goddesses, and translated Sappho. They liked neo-classical architecture and art. There was a whole cultural movement around their connection to Sappho's legend. That's why I think all Sapphic romance is lesbian but not all lesbian romance is necessarily Sapphic. Xena Warrior Princess is Sapphic. Frolicking in the woods naked is Sapphic. Folk harp, epic heroic sagas, romanticism, ritual, goddess worship, literature. Everything lesbians were doing in Paris in the early 20th century.