Days ago, after the last adventure, Jax came to her door banging, and she knew something was wrong. Over the course of the last couple months, they built between them a fucked-up quasi-relationship. They both needed release, a place to vent, let out stress, and find comfort. What went on between them behind closed doors was mostly silent. Filling each other in on sensual pleasures that filled in the place for actually talking about anything. In fact, it was a rule that they didn’t speak.

Because she would fall too fast and he didn’t want to admit he fell at all. But this wasn’t that. Recently he’s been more stressed, more demanding, and then instantly pushing her away. If he had any feelings for her, they were currently being overridden by whatever was haunting his mind.

So when Jax came in, she was especially erratic, becoming rough right off the bat, and it was even one of the things she liked between them. It felt wrong. He threw her around like a ragdoll, commanded most things, and didn’t make any motion of care or look for her pleasure at all. It made her feel used, like she could be anyone, anything to get his rocks off instead of the mutual feelings she wanted to believe they shared when they came together. They hadn’t shared any feelings together in months, and though she still allowed him to come to her, it felt more like a chore than anything, and the guilt of that let him do most things he wanted, but today was a lot, and it only took 5 minutes of his manhandling before she had enough and pushed him off, telling him to stop.

Jax looked stunned, and then hurt, and suddenly weeks' worth of sleepless nights shone perfectly in his eyes. He tries to blow it off, but he’s obviously upset and frustrated, but not in the way she thought he’d be. He’s not berating her or trying to get her in the mood or at least the closest they could get to it because she really never was. He just seemed so defeated, like he already expected it to go this way but couldn't help but hate it anyway. He sits at the end of her bed, tapping his foot frustratedly, and despite being wrapped in her seconds ago, they seem individually alone together in the small room.

Ragatha, in all honesty, feels overwhelmed herself; even before he came in, all she wanted to do was lie down and relax, and now the want had turned into a need. He’d usually leave by now, but she looks to him and watches him as he seems to crumble into himself, and she realizes the reason he was acting so crazy is because whatever was going on in his head was making him feel crazy. She thinks about what Kinger told her in the loser room; she needs to give herself a break. She can’t help anyone who doesn’t want help, but he was really sad, and what if she just let him go and something happened? What if he starts going downhill? What if it’s something worse?

Despite her tired mind, she sets herself to comfort him, placing a soft hand on his. "Y'know, I know you usually don't like it and leave after we don't do anything, but if you need someone, I can be that for you. I've told you how I feel. I want to be that person for you, Jax.”

Jax's pupils widen, and he stares at her and the hand holding his with an unreadable expression, and she thinks maybe she got through to him for once. But when she moves to touch his cheek, he flinches away as if he's scared of the warmth her touch will bring. So instead he lets out a scoff, gets up to leave, and pulls his hand away from her.

“No thanks. The last thing I want right now is a heart-to-heart." But his eyes won’t meet hers.

He does want to go to her; it's why he came here in the first place. Wrapping her tightly in his arms until she screamed for him was the only thing keeping him going after the stupid award show Caine made them go to from freaking out. But he squeezed too tight, and he made her scream, but not in a way he wanted. Never in a way he wanted. He hurt her; he went too far, and yet she was still trying to comfort him. He felt sick to his stomach.

Jax lets out a curse and moves to leave, but out of instinct, she calls out to him to wait, and his gaze snaps back to her. She can't quite look him in the eye either, fidgeting with her hair when she says it. "H-Hey, as long as you're nice and gentler, we can—we can try again.”

But now his gaze is laser-focused, his eyes squinting in scrutiny. “Why? You just told me to stop.”

She squirms a bit and bites her lip nervously. "Y-Yeah, but you came to me. And you need this right now; I just want to make you feel better…”

He scoffs roughly. “So that’s it? Good God, Rags, I knew you were a people pleaser, but are you really giving up your body to be my (#) doll so I'm not sad?"

“D-Don’t say it like that! I just m-meant—"

He laughs darkly, “I know what you meant. Have some #&$(*?! Dignity for once.”

Her cheeks burned with shame and embarrassment; she knew it was a bad idea, but she cared about him and just wanted him to be okay. He continues to yell and says, “I don’t need pity *&^% from someone who’d opened their legs the second someone said they were depressed.”

Her face crumbles like pastry. Misery and humiliation are clear in her expression. How could he say that to her? What in any way would make him think that was okay? She wasn’t trying to pity him; she wasn’t trying to hurt him. She cared about him so much. Why? Why did he always hurt her like this? Her brain is already scrambling and running away from her being overwhelmed with emotions. Ragatha often feels more stupid than smart; most things feel like her fault in her head, but she knows in her heart. Love wasn’t supposed to hurt, so why does hers always come with it?

She feels her breath hitch before her brain can register what happens next. Tears began to pour down a face frozen in horror.

And he regrets it immediately. He's never seen her like this. He had never seen her so hurt. He fucked up. Why would he say that? What if she-? No, that’s not his fault. She knows he’s just being mean.

Ragatha had gone completely silent, clenching her sheets like she was trying to rip them in half without looking at him. A voice colder than ice came out of her.

“Get out."

That’s not what he thought she’d respond with. “Wha-”

“Get OUT." She yelled this time, red eyes and blocks of tears already pouring down her face. “How dare you say that to me! You know how I feel about you! How I care about you and you just!”

He flinches, but she gives up halfway through her rant. Standing up with a stomp, “GET OUT."

She got up and pushed him as hard as she could. But he wouldn’t budge. He knew he fucked up; that was low even for him. And even though every part of him knew he should listen to her, her violent reaction and the face and words she made towards him all screamed in his head. If he left, she'd never look at him the same again, even if he truly knew that wasn't in her nature. He couldn't lose someone else, not someone he cared about. Not someone he loved.

So, despite what's best for her, he stiffened his stance and, like always, wasn’t one to let anyone tell him what to do. The more he stayed, the more a seething anger crawled into Ragatha's brain almost obsessively, as she could only focus on pushing and pulling at Jax, who'd become an immovable wall in her room.

Her thoughts seem as desperate as her now pleads for him to give her some space away from her. ‘I want him to leave! Why won’t he leave? Why won't he ever leave me alone? I just need one single second! I WANT HIM TO LEAVE! "She's exhausted both physically and mentally, and her thoughts go into a hollow place. Why was he so cruel?

She already gave up on loving him like he told her to; she handled every time he insisted there was nothing there. She let him push her away and pull her away whenever, and it still wasn’t enough. She’ll never be good enough for him, not as he is now, and despite still caring for him, she can’t handle it anymore. It’s not her fault he’s hurt; it’s not her fault he’s sad. He shouldn’t be allowed to her like this if he doesn't even love her.

But something in her mind breaks at that thought, so would all this be okay to her if he did love her? What’s wrong with her?

She can’t handle this any more; she's physically and emotionally tired. Though she knows no one can hear in her head, she thinks almost like a prayer to the universe, willing the last of her dignity not to say it out loud. ‘... please. If anything, anyone cares for her, even for a moment; make it stop. It hurts so much… help me.’

Suddenly Caine appeared in the room, laughing, startling both of them. "Well, that’s enough of that, huh? This little lady asked you to leave, and it is waaaay past your bedtime! Time to scat and daddle!”

“Caine, you can't—" Jax protests, and Caine cuts him off.

"Of course I can! I’ll even have Bubble tuck you in! Snugger than a bug squished by a digital rug!” And snapped his fingers so he was gone in an instant.

He claps his hands together like he's getting dust off after a job done and says. "Well, now that the problem is solved, time to finish that new swamp in the endless sky adventure! The spikes are going to be the greatest plot twist ever! AHAHAHAHAH!”

Before he can snap, Ragatha hurries to grab onto his gloved hand, and he turns a complete 180 to look at her. “Oh yes! I’m sorry, my little starbuggy! Did you need anything else?”

Her breath hitches; is it really over? She squeezes his hand to make sure it’s real, the only thing keeping her grounded in the suddenly quiet room after pure hell moments ago. Her knees became weak and buckled enough to fall to the floor, dragging him with her.

Caine, much to her surprise, went silent for once, looking at where their hands attached and lowering himself to her level, watching her sob almost curiously but mostly concerned. “Ragatha, my dear. Are you alright?”

She sniffles, no longer sobbing but with lips clenched and tears occasionally falling down her cheeks. A gloved hand runs a thumb over the top of her hand in a small gesture of comfort, and she breaks, throwing her arms around him, needing something to hold onto for dear life. He goes rigid under her touch but doesn’t move to pull her away as she clings to him. “H-how did you know I-I-I-” Her breath hitched, and she continued, and more tears piled over

He doesn't have eyebrows, but somehow she still can see the concern on his face. He fidgets around like he’s unsure what to do with his hands obviously out of his comfort zone. He stays quiet for a moment as he’s mulling over what to say when she looks up with sad eyes, and he sighs like he’s admitting something. “You asked for help. That's what I'm made for.”

Her eyes widened. She knows she only asked for help in her head. At least she thinks she did. Even if it was minutes ago, it felt blurry. Caine told them he didn't have powers over their minds. So, she must've said it out loud and not remembered. Right? “Y-y-you heard me a-ask for help? You're s-s-sure?”

His face almost looks pained, but he answers with a firm nod. She still can't stop the tears from continually pooling over at this point, so she decides to put those thoughts of what that meant for the circus as a whole aside for a more important overarching thought she needed to share with him. Ragatha buries her face into his lower jaw. “T-t-thank you.”

He sighs, “You have no need to thank me, Starlight. It’s what I’m made to do.”

“Th-that d-doesn’t mean that y-you had to.” Ragatha sniffles, pressed against him, and something in the way she gently insists, even in her own moment of hurt, that he deserves the proper respect for his kindness turns something in his heart slowly but surely. It’s an obvious statement, and yet it’s a thought he never allowed for himself. Caine’s body finally relaxes, and he allows his hands to settle respectfully around her waist, and she melts into him. He always wondered what her hugs felt like. This was so much nicer than he ever gave much thought to.

Yes, she was always one of his favorites, wasn’t she?

Caine is uncharacteristically quiet as she cries out the rest of her tremors in his surprisingly strong arms. He’s still slightly awkward, obviously not used to hugs, but she can tell every unnecessary movement he makes is in effort to comfort her. He even starts to hum the theme to the circus, and any other time would be annoying, but it creates a nice comforting buzz from his chest to hers, and she mindlessly hums along, like she’s helping sing her own lullaby.

Apparently, he loves this, because he starts to hum with more vigor, shooting up in his spot, causing her to jerk in place, but unfortunately, his excitement does ruin the lull of things, and she pulls back, startled. “Oops.” He says, freezing in a cartoonish position, realizing his mistake.

But she's not upset. He made this a good cry, and she feels better now that it’s over. At least until it hits her again in the morning. So instead she giggles, and he relaxes, eyes watching her every move for signs of sudden backlash. However, she never does; she looks calmer than he’s ever known, and it’s incredibly fascinating. She yawns, feeling exhausted, moving to wipe her eyes with her hand, but it only soaks the plush there too, and she frustratedly sighs.

Caine still watches her laugh, but lighter than most times he does, almost as if it's only meant to be heard between them, and says, “I can fix that, my dear." He pulls a colorful handkerchief from under his tongue, which normally would gross her out, but when he asked, “May I touch you?” She allows it because, despite being so basic, the kind gesture after a hellish night is healing in its own ways.

He gently wipes some tears from her eyes and instantly dries her soaked plush cheeks. His hand straightens out so he can get to her chin, where a lot of her tears have pooled, and as the heaviness is released like a weight off after a long day, she can't help but sigh in relief and lean into the warmth of his hand for a second. Both mentally and physically, I am feeling lighter than before. So light, in fact, when she moves, she’s not used to the new balance, and her face falls forward to compensate for the sudden weight off her face, and Caine catches her by cupping her face in his hands.

His eyes grow wide, and his canine teeth turn into what she swears almost look heart-shaped. “Wow wow wow! I didn’t get to see your face up close early when you were doing the squeezing thing! You really do look human, don’t you!?”

His pupils widen, and Ragatha realizes she may have gotten a little too comfortable with Caine’s touch too fast. He was still sentient, even if AI, and she pulled away, blushing bright red, very visible on her freshly dried cheeks. She apologizes instantly, fidgeting like she always does. Nervously, a flurry of excuses leaves her mouth. Though she only gets a couple words out before Caine squishes her cheeks with his hands. “H-hey! Caine-!

Caine’s eyes shoot to hers like a begging puppy dog’s. Ragatha isn’t exactly sure what he’s asking and wants to complain, but she knows he’s just curious and it’s not like he’s hurting her, so she gives him the signal it’s okay to continue. His eyes literally sparkle, and she lets out a small giggle at the rare sight of genuine excitement in the circus

Thinking she’s ready for anything, she sits awkwardly, waiting for poking and prodding to begin, but instead Caine moves one hand to her waist and swoops her into his lap for better access to touch her, and she is suddenly caught off guard again.

“Y’know, Ragatha, your model has always been one of my favorites! I’ve always wanted to take a closer look if I got the chance!” he says. His one hand settles on her cheek as his other rubs a thumb along her jaw. Then the warm back of his gloved hand runs down her face, and that would be fine and all. She could write that off as Caine being a little more interested in humans than she thought. But then his hand reaches her neck and drags his hand a little too gently into a perfect motion of him running a knuckle over her lips, and she, once in the whole night, realizes there is an entirely different reason he may be so curious about her.

Her life is a roller coaster; in the same night, she’s been stunned, still in shock, but for a completely opposite reason. Caine couldn't; he wouldn’t think they—? Could he even have romantic feelings? No, that was impossible. It had to be impossible! Because if it wasn't, that would mean she just melted into a full-body hug with a man with the possibility to catch romantic feelings for almost an hour.

The knuckle is still on her lips, then presses down to test the pressure there, and she hears him mumble, "So that’s what they feel like.”

Oh no. She had to nip this in the bud before he got the wrong idea.

But the way Caine was looking at her, even without a full face, like everything he ever wanted was finally in his reach but too scared to grab it made another heat crawl in her heart she hadn’t felt in a while.

When’s the last time someone looked at her like that? Has anyone ever looked at her like that? As his face slowly lowers to hers, giving her every chance to refuse him, she realizes she’s forgotten that’s what offering love is supposed to be like. She’s been giving as long as she remembers, offering her heart on a silver platter, never asking for it in return. And yet, only a handful of times had it been her on the receiving end.

So, as he’s inches away from her lips, teeth almost shutting completely, she can hear a familiar nagging feeling in her head, telling her she needs to end this before they go too far. The way his chest once again pushes against hers, warm and strong, and his hands are intertwined as best as they can in hers, and he uses the other to gently tilt her chin to fit perfectly to him. It is all too perfect a circumstance to send her back into her previous peaceful state.

In what felt like an endless effort, she fought to share her love, which the last couple months had been met with constant rejection; she allowed his admiration, even if clumsy and unpracticed, to consume all her hurt in a kiss. Was it so wrong to want to be loved?

It’s awkward kissing teeth. She’s not sure what to think of it, but it’s nice. It may be hard, but they’re still warm. He jolts nervously when she presses more into him, slightly moving her head to get a better angle.

He pulls back enough just to say a quick, “Sorry.” And she giggles at the innocence of it all.

Caine thinks she’ll want to stop now, but she smiles at him with tired doe eyes and cups his lower chin. “Nothing to say sorry for. That was lovely.” Pretty red lips press a peck against his jaw again, and cartoon hearts appear floating around his head.

“You’re lovely.” Voice dripping in admiration. She giggles again, and the blush in her cheeks makes the little hearts move faster. In a silent ask, she looks at him to kiss again, and all the hearts pop as he a little too vigorously crashes back into her mouth, knocking her on her back, and though she gasps in surprise, closed teeth peck all along her chin, neck, and face in his attempt to shower her with kisses.

It’s ticklish and clumsy but delightful all the same. She knows it’s probably wrong. Jax was in here not even an hour ago breaking her heart, and she’s scared she’s only indulging Caine as a desperate attempt at comfort. But the way he holds her and the way he pampers and adores her. Brings out almost a sinful greed in her to indulge in the love that seems to endlessly pour from him

She pulls his face to hers, landing an especially sensual kiss. She doesn’t intend to go this far, but as soon as she decides to commit to him, the floodgates of touch-starved longing explode, and she quenches herself on him like he’s the last drop of water in a desert.

Lips reddened into a dark hue, whispering just a hush away from his, “Caine, open your mouth.

A shiver rocks up his spine, and for all his talk of a family-friendly circus, he groans against her, laced with libido. Something powerful ignites in her at that, and she doesn’t hesitate to move on top of him and reach for his jaw to pry it open so she can taste him, and the sound he makes stirs something in the lower region of her body she no longer has.

His tongue is huge, hot, and strong, just like his hands, and drool escapes him, making him an absolute mess below her. She explores as much as she can, letting her own tongue drag hard against his. He’s almost frozen beneath her hands on her waist and hair, holding for dear life as if moving everything will stop and he’s not willing to test it. He huffed hot breath in small animated puffs, his irises turned into hearts as well as his canines.

He’s a mumbling mess below her, because of her, and Ragatha pulls away to look at him dazed, and her hand runs up his large chest, and the lust that escapes his throat shoots lightning straight through her to her core. She's never felt sexy and proud of it in her life.

But he finally looks her in the eyes, still huffing, and her confidence drains.

He reaches out, pulling her in like he’s asking her to forget her past and indulge in him and only him. Like he’s the only one that can do this right. Like she’s the only one he’ll ever try for, and the devotion in that makes her heart sing.

She knows what he’s going to say before he does.

“I love you.”

He moves closer to her, eyes locked on her, fueled by passion.

“Caine, wait,” She lets him come closer but avoids his teeth when he gently moves forward to try to land his teeth on her lips. She doesn't push him away, so he wraps his arm around her, firm and longing. Teeth ghost against her lips, Ragatha was not quite ready to let them close the gap. “You can’t love me; you don’t even know me.”

He chuckles low and deep, “I know you plenty, Starlight." He gives up on her lips and pushes back on her back, planting kisses upon her neck. His hands wrap around hers, and his full body weight lies atop her, and god, he feels wonderful.

She moans at a nibble, “I’ll be good to you. Better than him.”

And she huffs in annoyance, “We’re not about him.”

But that’s a lie, isn’t it? She's only here because her heart breaks over breaking up with him.

He pauses but doesn’t argue, sticking out his tongue along her neck. “Then be mine.”

Kiss. “I love you.”

Rub “Be mine.”

Lick, “I don’t care why; just let me love you." This was bad; his kisses were like honeysuckle on her skin, his sweet nothings in her ear were too delicious, and his hands were too hungry for her curves. This is what she always wanted. It's all too easy to let him devour her, so simple, too simple.

Ragatha doesn’t want a rebound. This is a rash decision. This whole night has been a disaster. Yet, she refuses to use him and toss him away. Despite this newfound confidence, she knows he’s putting his heart on the line for this. In fact, he’s almost shaking with what she knows is him being scared to be rejected.

It breaks her heart because she knows the feeling all too well. If she’s already given her heart away a hundred times, what’s one more?

“Be mine," he says almost in a beg now. ‘Allow me to love you,' and all she can think is she wants nothing more. So, she surrenders to the ringmaster with a sad smile, knowing they're not ready for the danger beyond the eye of the storm. But is she ever? Desire is the enemy of logic, and right now it rules over their minds. And the world revolves around them.

He makes her promise in another kiss. Their lips and teeth meet, so soft, allowing them to lull their minds into dumb comfort. All the fear of rejection on both ends fades as they mold into each other like missing puzzle pieces. Small hums and careful touches desperate to push the boundaries of how much they can fall into each other. Being able to bleed their hearts out and receive love in return is so vulnerable and yet addicting.

A plush chest and a tickling of yarn curls press against him, red lips smiling down at him sweeter than the dew on the morning flowers, all forming into what he swears is an angel in front of him. She smiles and says, “Okay.”

And like a spark in a dry wood, his heart ignites, the room filling with hearts and candy confetti. Little cupids shoot an arrow through his heart, and his face sinks into a face of smitten adoration.

He looks at her like she is the sun in his sky, and Ragatha blushes, flattered yet unsure if she’s worthy of it. Giggles escape her before she can stop herself. And in return he starts to laugh, and she follows suit. He lifts her and flies her in the air, confetti continuing to fall around them.

All her fear melts away, laughing like she hasn’t in years. Wanting, being wanted, smiles that hurt from how wide they go, giggle fits, and peppered kisses. What more could she want? Even if he breaks her heart, she already knows this one feels worth the try. She’s said it to herself 100 times but never believed it until now.