If Vader dad-joked his way through the Star Wars series
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@westendmelody
If Vader dad-joked his way through the Star Wars series
My other Star Wars stuff here

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2017 Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards Finalists (see 7 more)
What IS photography?!
this tweet is everything
I used to work at the National Gallery in London. Old men came up to me fairly regularly to complain about the young girls (and sometimes the tourists of a particular ethnicity or nationality) taking selfies with the art. I’d smile and say, it’s an interesting diptych because so many of the most celebrated works in the Gallery are portraits– the ‘selfies’ of yesteryear– and indeed, Van Eyck’s /Portrait of a Man/ (1433) may be the earliest known panel self portrait, ant the very least in western art history, so framing oneself in that context, comparing the methods of portraiture over a span of a little under 600 years, is at its heart a commentary on the human desire to remember and be remembered, to catalog one’s existence and give it authenticity.
They did not like that let me tell you.
Thank you for fighting the good fight, unicornsandbutane.
same (x)
#why does Harrison ford always look like someone tricked him into being on tv?
Probably because they did.
okay but I legitimately think he was standing there assuming those curtains were gonna open instead of the fucking wall
do you ever see someone in some quiet intimate moment and suddenly love them so desperately you feel like you’re dying
#like when they pass a mirror and make a face and mess with their hair a little #or when you hear someone singing in their car with the windows rolled up as they drive past you #i don’t know how to express this i just. people are people and it makes me so sad and filled up sometimes
I love seeing grown humans setting about little creative tasks out of boredom and then looking quietly pleased with themselves, like maybe a middle-aged woman on her train home from work manages to make a tower out of empty coffee creamers and gazes at it proudly for a few seconds.
I love seeing other people make the overblown OOPS I FORGOT SOMETHING performance for no-one that most of us do when we have to turn around in the middle of the pavement.
I love seeing stony-faced people in queues unable to contain a smile when a baby looking over its mother’s shoulder in front of them locks eyes and does that astonished stare.
- when someone is standing in line and they don’t quite dance to the music playing, but you can SEE their head bop and them mouthing the words
- when someone thinks no one’s paying attention and they sing-talk themselves thru a task
- when they laugh or try to hide a laugh when looking at their phone

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The most hilarious thing about the fact Buckbeak had a trial and lost is that later on JKR resolves the issue by having Hagrid take him in again and renaming him Witherwings. That’s literally all it took. What if in POA, Hagrid simply said, “Sorry, Buckbeak flew away.”
“There’s a hippogriff right there, Hagrid.”
“A different hipprogriff.”
“I’m… pretty sure that’s the same hipprogriff.”
“Prove it.”
no dna tests we die like scientifically underdeveloped societies
Prisoner of Azkaban continues to be the most frustrating book
Someone should have just adopted Sirius and started calling him Gerald.
Remus: Erm… this is our new order member, my… cousin Gerald. Gerald White.
“Mr. Lupin that is Sirius Black with glasses!” “Oh come now Minister, Sirius Black doesn’t wear glasses. That wouldn’t make sense.” “Well have Mr. White take off his glasses then!” “He can’t he needs them to see.”
it got better
It’s honestly a miracle to me that wizarding society doesn’t collapse every other week because like
You’ve got this world full of people who can destroy whole buildings or turn people into beetles or make vehicles fly just by waving a stick at them
And there is literally no common sense
Anywhere to be found
Voldemort would never have had anyone find out he was back if he just went around calling himself Steve
Okay, see, I thought I saved this post to comment on it but I’d like to bring up
The Minister would NEVER EVER disbelieve in Gerald White. He’d buy it hook line and sinker. The wizarding world would buy it hook line and sinker. The GOBLINS wouldn’t but wizards have been shown to be pretty blindingly clueless. Still, Gringotts would grudgingly give Sirius access to the Black fortune.
But, but, but, you know the one person
the one person
who Gerald White would drive AB-SO-LUTELY FUCKING BATSHIT?
Severus Snape.
Snape would do everything, EVERYTHING, to get people to believe that it’s Sirius. But the Order would ignore it (they accepted Sirius as Sirius before anyway) and Remus would just be so… so affronted.
‘Severus, he is my cousin.’
And Sirius would love it. He’d love the fact that Snape just hated it. He’d be the BEST DAMN GERALD WHITE EVER b/c Snape is doing everything from dropping veritaserum into his firewhisky to capturing a dementor in a box and releasing it on Sirius when he least expects it
That one causes problems for a bare minute because SHIT A DEMENTOR ATTEMPTED TO GIVE GERALD THE KISS MAYBE SNAPE IS RIGHT except Harry comes forward and is like ‘excuse me, I’ve never committed a crime and dementors are ALWAYS attacking me, I think they’re attracted to glasses’
and the magical community is like ‘shit, yeah, you’re right’
and just
Spare. Snape goes spare.
“I think they’re attracted to glasses” /dying
We played the fanfiction trope version of “fuck marry kill” in which the options are “slow burn/fake date/enemies to lovers” and it’s been like 30 hours and I’m STILL losing it over the concept of fake-dating Saruman the White.
Oooh this should be an ask thing
are you a finger guns bisexual or an awkward thumbs up bisexual
everyone keeps saying “both” and I suddenly feel regretful I asked a bunch of bisexuals to make a choice
@culumacilinte
I KNOW MYSELF
Yup. Both. Wow.
I don't think I have ever picked up a pair of tongs without clicking them together a couple of times.
Gotta make sure they work
channel your inner crab
@crabrawling
During Tech when a Designer wants to hold and it takes longer than they asked for ...

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reblog for noises
TURN THE SOUND ON FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING GOOD TURN THE SOUND ON
*dry food crunches*
Ridiculously small kitten: “Myam myam myam. Njam njam njam njam njam njam njam! Myam myam myam nyam nyam myam. Mmmam. Mrrrrram. Meep!”
@captioned-vines
OH MY GAWWWWDDD
PLAY THIS WITH THE SOUND TURNED ON IF YOU WANT TO LIVE.
Actor: Do you have tape?
Me: What kind?
Actor: Uh...tape?
Me: Gaff tape? Mic tape? Spike tape? Paper tape? Scotch tape?
Actor: Uhh...
I think people often underestimate the potential educational value of senseless memes. For example, thanks to Spiders Georg, literally every teenager on Tumblr has a reasonable grasp of what a statistical outlier is and the sorts of problems that outliers can introduce into a naïve analysis. There are grown adults who don’t get that - I deal with them on a daily basis.
“Memes have educational value” actually statistical error. Average meme teaches 0 facts. Spiders Georg is an outlier adn should not be counted
After learning my flight was detained 4 hours, I heard the announcement: If anyone in the vicinity of gate 4-A understands any Arabic, Please come to the gate immediately. Well—one pauses these days. Gate 4-A was my own gate. I went there. An older woman in full traditional Palestinian dress, Just like my grandma wore, was crumpled to the floor, wailing loudly. Help, said the flight service person. Talk to her. What is her Problem? we told her the flight was going to be four hours late and she Did this. I put my arm around her and spoke to her haltingly. Shu dow-a, shu- biduck habibti, stani stani schway, min fadlick, Sho bit se-wee? The minute she heard any words she knew—however poorly used— She stopped crying. She thought our flight had been canceled entirely. She needed to be in El Paso for some major medical treatment the Following day. I said no, no, we’re fine, you’ll get there, just late, Who is picking you up? Let’s call him and tell him. We called her son and I spoke with him in English. I told him I would stay with his mother till we got on the plane and Would ride next to her—Southwest. She talked to him. Then we called her other sons just for the fun of it. Then we called my dad and he and she spoke for a while in Arabic and Found out of course they had ten shared friends. Then I thought just for the heck of it why not call some Palestinian Poets I know and let them chat with her. This all took up about 2 hours. She was laughing a lot by then. Telling about her life. Answering Questions. She had pulled a sack of homemade mamool cookies—little powdered Sugar crumbly mounds stuffed with dates and nuts—out of her bag— And was offering them to all the women at the gate. To my amazement, not a single woman declined one. It was like a Sacrament. The traveler from Argentina, the traveler from California, The lovely woman from Laredo—we were all covered with the same Powdered sugar. And smiling. There are no better cookies. And then the airline broke out the free beverages from huge coolers— Non-alcoholic—and the two little girls for our flight, one African American, one Mexican American—ran around serving us all apple juice And lemonade and they were covered with powdered sugar too. And I noticed my new best friend—by now we were holding hands— Had a potted plant poking out of her bag, some medicinal thing, With green furry leaves. Such an old country traveling tradition. Always Carry a plant. Always stay rooted to somewhere. And I looked around that gate of late and weary ones and thought, This is the world I want to live in. The shared world. Not a single person in this gate—once the crying of confusion stopped —has seemed apprehensive about any other person. They took the cookies. I wanted to hug all those other women too. This can still happen anywhere. Not everything is lost.
Naomi Shihab Nye (b. 1952), “Wandering Around an Albuquerque Airport Terminal.” I think this poem may be making the rounds, this week, but that’s as it should be. (via oliviacirce)
When I lose hope in the world, I remember this poem.
(via bookoisseur)
I’m really glad I read that.
(via selfesteampunk)

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One thing I started doing a long time ago that changed my relationships is I started making myself speak up when I had nice thoughts. If I’m in line at the grocery store & I notice that the woman in front of me has beautiful eyes, I say something. If my sister walks in the house & I like her eyebrows, I say something. People forget how much little tiny compliments like that can make someone’s whole day. It doesn’t even have to just be compliments. It could be saying “I love you” when you’re thinking it even if it’s at a random time. Sometimes I get up and go over to my mom just to give her a hug out of the blue cause I was thinking about her. I’ll randomly send my friends texts about how I appreciate them whenever I’m thinking it. Little gestures like that mean so much.
@cubern