laughter, not poison

do you think the hand lettered felt sign in my cubicle that says "as soon as the rush is over, i'm going to have a nervous breakdown. i worked for it, i owe it to myself, and NOBODY is going to deprive me of it!" is the reason i've never been employee of the month

literally 2 weeks ago i called my friend & she was like how have u been & i was like i've really been the bird fighting its way out of the egg lately. she said and the egg is the world? i said the egg IS the world & she was like so what world are u creating now? i was like idk i'm still working on that part

this week is like: "maybe i'll make a tumblr post" [only coherent thought in head is I Am Sad] "maybe i won't make a tumblr post"

first time i tried to send my friend in philly her xmas present it got stolen, now i find out the replacement gift was "delivered" 6 days ago and yet she never received it. i am going to redacted the postal service