you fools, this is a themed restaurant

the vivid sensory-memory of sucking water out of a washcloth as a child

you solve the mystery of what to have for dinner one night and you think "hell yeah case closed forever" WRONG there is a dinner mystery the next night too

you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

lot of people commenting on this post like "who eats lunch at 4pm that's a terrible time to eat lunch" yes. that is the point. 4pm lunch is inadvisable. 4pm lunch is not the ideal. 4pm lunch makes the mind demons real.

funniest thing to ever happen was when my boyfriend put on the first episode of columbo (which i'd never seen) but he wouldn't tell me what show it was he would only say "you'll get it when he shows up." but a fun fact about the first episode of columbo is that he doesn't show up for 32 minutes and when he does, he silently walks into the room with a cigar and does a little pose and goes "hi i'm columbo."

not unless it's Uncle Scary's.

EVERYOBODY GET DOWN HES TAKING A CREATIVE LIBERTY

nobody else doing it like me. particularly because the way i’m doing it is needlessly difficult

(to the tone of creep by radiohead) but i'm asleep. on mypillow

i have the opportunity to do the funniest thing.

@motherfuckingnazgul