Normal About Textiles

PERFECTLY ON TIME

ON THE OFFICIAL CLIENT PORTAL SITE

AND THE COLLECTIONS DEPARTMENT IS

still

charging

a usually reserved and mild-mannered character

going apeshit for the first time

on behalf of their loved one

who, as they think, is being horribly mistreated by the target of their rant

(even though the loved one endured some great hardship for the sake of the target in the past)

and so despite knowing that the target isn't aware of their loved one's suffering

(and the speaker themselves being involved in inflicting that suffering)

"WELL THEY SHOULD FUCKING KNOW ABOUT IT, THEN"

they deliver the truth in the most accusational way possible

to make the target feel bad and leave their loved one alone and stop causing them harm

while, crucially, not knowing that the target cared about their loved one just as much

firstly, why does shane get an animal named after him but ilya doesn't? this is a cosmic injustice. they need to name one after him immediately so that sea lion hollander has a rozanov and isn't lonely so that the best men's hockey player is properly represented!!!

secondly, sea lion hollander is so small. criminally tiny. ilya is very proud of his big hockey player husband, thank you. they couldn't have picked a more size-accurate animal to name after him? (though admittedly the big brown teary eyes are fitting. he will give them that.)

#some gen z hockey fan intern at an animal charity realises you can fund basically anything if you name it hollander #bc rozanov will backflip through the window to pay for any and all medical expenses to keep a sad wet animal named after his husband alive #so far the ottowa humane society has saved 18 dogs called hollander or shane #all bc ilya sends them check every month with “for shane” written on them in shockingly bad handwriting

ilya is so personally invested in every single one of these sad wet animals. he's following along with their stories, he is asking the organizations for updates when they haven't posted about His Shane in a few days, he is celebrating each release or adoption where applicable. he's got a whole folder on his phone for photos of each of them.

meanwhile, shane is seeing the withdrawals on their shared bank statements like

So far I've only mixed up the main batch of colors, but I'll split them up and create a palatte of tints and shades once I have access to a scale again.

I don't have any fancy tools and have been blending the fiber by hand, so it's probably best I have a forced break for the sake of my fingers. Once I'm done I should have a very useful set of 57 2g swatches to play with! (Plus 5 more for a set of grayscale swatches)

The ratios are presented in the same order as the wool swatches in the photo above it. I didn't simplify any of the ratios so you'll have to deal with 2:2s instead of 1:1s, oops.

And there was this one guy I talked with who seemed super sharp, but had virtually zero experience writing software. When it came time to do the show-n-tell part of the interview he whips out his laptop, brings up a website, and spins it around to show me what he made.

A website of tiny ceramic frogs.

Not for sale. Just… all these ceramic frogs, organized into categories. Frogs on bicycles, frogs with hats, frogs sitting on lily pads. It was a virtual museum of ceramic frogs in web form.

I scrolled through his online collection of frogs, slightly baffled.

“This is your website?” I asked finally.

“Yep!”

“You coded this yourself?” I popped into view-source mode and poked around some incredibly well-formatted, well-commented html. I nodded slowly. This guy was meticulous.

“Yep!”

“So… where’d all the frogs come from?”

“I made those too,” he says, beaming. 

And while I’m processing this he rummages in his bag and pulls out a little ceramic frog working at a computer terminal. He places it on the table before us, next to the laptop.

“And THIS one,” he says, “I made for you! As a thank you for the interview.”

It was adorable. I hired him on the spot. I mean, why not? Worst case he’d wash out in 90 days and we’d hire somebody else. He turned out to be one of the best developers on our team. 

Which leads to a bit of an uproar because omg Shane Hollander has a girlfriend?? who plays hockey???? that's so on brand for him like. okay who was playing last night and got a goal in the first period, we need to find the woman who has Shane Hollander crooning into his phone like a lovestruck teenager. and the consensus lands on an unsuspecting and entirely unrelated CWHL forward who has never even been in the same city as Shane but the Internet is running with the story and there's journalists harassing her and Shane has to get his agent to call her agent so he can apologise for this mess and she's like, dude, I know it's not your fault, but Shane feels so fucking bad about it, you know?

And unfortunately it doesn't really let up as quickly as they thought because it's right before Christmas and isn't this a great story, fucking Hallmark movie shit, so a very unimpressed Leila (her name is Leila) has to look a reporter in the eye after her team just played a really good fucking game of hockey and everybody wants to talk to her about some fucking guy, you know? so she looks him in the eye and says, no, I am not dating Shane Hollander, I have never dated Shane Hollander, I will never date Shane Hollander, I am literally a lesbian. I have a whole-ass girlfriend. She plays for the Blades.