are we awake?

me, as i force a dollar bill into the self-checkout machine: thats right…..good boy……vore president washington

im begging all of you to stop reblogging th is

Your actions have consequences

kermit is a butch and miss piggy is a femme and they are in lesbian love

i’m watching an art theft documentary and they’re interviewing this art history professor from new york who was asked to go with the fbi to authenticate a rubens that had been stolen but it was a sting operation so they had to pretend like they weren’t the fbi, that they were some private buyer about to pay $3.5 million for it, and the fbi was like “this is a VERY delicate operation because you never know how they will react to what you have to say so let the agent do all of the talking, don’t say a word to anyone just nod if it’s the rubens, the last operation we did the guy in your position got shot because things went wrong in a second” and then it cuts to the professor’s interview and he says “i wasn’t going to fly down to miami to be a part of an undercover fbi sting operation to handle what could be rubens’s aurora and just NOT say anything. i was gonna have to ad lib a little” and then he tells the interviewer that when he & the fbi agent got to the hotel while he was examining the painting he started lecturing the other people, first on how badly they had wrapped it, and then about like how it had been painted, the history of it, what the subject was and what she was doing, etc etc, and he was like “i hadn’t taught a class on rubens in 15 years, so for me it was like being back in the classroom except my students couldn’t leave” 

at one point during the deal the professor turned to the woman selling it and he said “isn’t this just the most beautiful rubens you’ve ever seen outside of a museum?” (because the fbi had told him earlier that this piece had been stolen from a museum) and THEN he said “where on earth did you get it from?” and the group of people the woman had with her was like taxidermy-fox.png but the woman was like “inheritance” can you IMAGINE the fbi agent about to have a fucking aneurysm when this random guy you’ve brought in just to nod if it’s the right painting not only starts giving an impromptu lecture but then he asks how they got it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0B4Zm-Aa74Y&t=2613s

omg BLESS YOU for the link and the time stamp that was as glorious as described by the OP

Y’all failed to mention that HE posted the video HIMSELF and liked every single comment oh my god

Ok but if you keep watching, the FBI agent asks the professor how sure he is that the painting was the real deal and the professors says “I have two sons. I often wonder where they really came from. I don’t wonder where this painting comes from.”

You show a cat something and they're like sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff ooooh I understand now. Don't care

Even though I made sure to drop little clues about my nationality such as the fact that the post contains the words “in France,” my post about Halloween being a recent phenomenon in my country prompted multiple Americans to say this was bullshit misinformation from the US conservative that I must be, since Halloween is not a recent thing in the US at all and their US relatives already celebrated it in the US decades ago. Someone said I must have grown up in a conservative cult to be unaware of Halloween being a thing, because “OP is saying something that makes no sense re: US culture—OP must have grown-up in a terminally isolated cult within the USA” is the only explanation. At this point I could say “the national anthem of my country is La Marseillaise” and some USians would be like “no? why would you say that?? please delete this misinformation op la Marseillaise is NOT the American anthem where in the US did you grow up that you never heard our anthem??”

every day i aspire to be insane flirtatious androgynous and violent just like bugs bunny

*between kisses to the top of my cat's tiny head* you are disgusting! You're despicable! You shouldn't exist! You're a monument to scientific hubris! You will be the downfall of humanity! I love you!

The inherent homoeroticism of killing your enemy and immediately regretting it

It’s about rage, it’s about obsession, it’s about making that two-person war your entire raison d’être. It’s about loving and mistaking it for hatred and loving and loving and loving to the point of destruction. His or yours, it doesn’t matter. And you think seeing him dead at your feet will make you feel better, but all you feel is a whole lot of nothing.