*shrug emoji*

puts my uncomfortably wet hand on your shoulder. see here, gay boy- can i call you gay boy?

Hanging out with people will make you remember you're the crazy woke friend for like. not wanting to shop at shien

one time I told my therapist "I tend to have issues with people who think of themselves as authority figures" and she burst out laughing and then said "I think we need to pause and reflect on how you phrased that"

I mean, what, was I supposed to refer to them as if they actually are authority figures? those don't exist

i understand that it's unreasonable to expect a band on world tour to play in every country in the world but i do think they should only be allowed to call it a world tour if they play in every continent. we need to make it embarrassing to say world tour and then not even step foot in africa

sometimes being a fan of something means not wanting them to make any more of it

Wait, the dog days are over? The dog days are done? And no one told me 😰?!

Oh no 😨 I havta get to my mother, my father, my children, my sisters and brothers quickly 🏃🏿‍♂️

Dude you left all your love and your longing behind, tidy up after yourself please

Can I carry it with me? I want to survive 🥺

one day, i hope to be moved from your downloads folder into somewhere more deliberate

I can't get over DuckDuckWent as a past tense of using duckduckgo as a verb. Like yes youre right BUT

holy fuck there's more of them?

PSA

a cat is a sort of machine that dispenses hair all over you and everything else in the room