Waiting in the shadows

"It’s never too late" is the message for the *entirety* of the Digital Circus, not just Jax, in my opinion.

For Ragatha; it’s never too late to move on from a suffocating environment. It’s never too late to find your social circle. Ragatha had accepted, very regretfully, that she was still stuck with her mother in the macroverse when the brain scans were discovered. when she found out that she got out and had friends, and then realized *she did the same thing in the circus*, she really learned. It’s never too late.

For Gangle: It’s never too late to love yourself, or to follow your dreams. Her whole deal was hating herself. I know Jax probably didnt help that in the circus— then the brain scans leading her to believe she was still miserable and stuck at her fast food job all on top of recovering from injury. In the circus she did slowly learn to love herself even for her flaws thanks to Zooble combatting Jax’s words, and then learning of the macroverse showed her that she did actually succeed with her dreams of making a comic and being an artist. Something she came to do by becoming more assertive in sharing her creative ideas and even running a dnd campaign. sure its not 1:1, but shes still following her dreams of making art and stories for others to enjoy.

Kinger is a bit harder to explain but I see it as: It’s never too late to recover. He had something akin to dissociative amnesia id say? maybe dementia. anyways. Regardless of specifics, people still have moments of awareness, which consciously could be an upset with the self about not being more to help or losing yourself to your illness, which i think a lot of disordered people struggle with. yeah, its hard to get out of it, especially since its something you cant control, but you can still become more than what it tries to define you as, you know? The macroverse also helps that because i do feel like Kinger had a lot of uncertainties when it came to C&A, what happened to it, knowing that he doomed his wife and all of the staff are now stuck here— the macroverse was closure that everything was okay and so he could move on. im not the best versed in talking about this so im sorry if this comes off as weirdly worded.

Zooble is another example of It’s never to late to love yourself and follow your dreams: we see this throughout the entire show. They hate their body. They hate themselves. They hate the stupid gimmick they were given. But slowly, they learn to accept it. Maybe not fully, but even so they can even help others with those same issues because they know what its like. The macroverse also shows that they did get to make a name for themselves *and* be a space for others to accept themselves or be comfortable which is something they themself needed. and now thats something theyve done in the circus too.

Pomni is: it’s never too late to help others. which i do think is a struggle a lot of people have do to their own insecurities. I think its obvious that thats what pomni wants to do but is insecure about for the entirety of the series, and of course she has her breakthroughs at times but ultimately i feel like shes pretty.. scared of overstepping. but. she literally helps jax after it is seemingly already too late because she abstracted. and pomni helped anyways. and now we have a stable abstraction who has the narrative ambiguity of being able to recover post-canon, and with the metaphor of abstraction being more like a psych ward than actual death it makes it pretty damning evidence that yeah, its never too late to reach out. i feel like thats just as important as jax’s version of the message.

Caine is obvious i think: its never too late to change. its nigh identical to Jax’s storyline. In that foil-y kind of way. but the entire time hes letting his trauma define him, and *finally*, when he gets literally almost killed, he realizes he needs to change how he acts. its bad enough that a near-death experience is the only thing that snapped it into him that he needs to change his ways, but at least it worked. He was almost to the point that it *was* too late. And instead of letting that happen he sppedran the five stages of grief and turned around for the better. i could probably word this better but ive said so many words already

As someone who has epilepsy and used to have several grand mal seizures a day, I’d also like to add that “offer help” can range anywhere from keeping the person calm to explaining to them where they are and what they were doing to even just telling them they should sit and rest for a while longer (lack or coordination is common, and it can be hard to walk straight or see clearly).

It’s okay for them to take up to a half hour to fully regain their bearings and sort out what they were doing prior to the seizure. Just answer any questions calmly and be there for support.

If they come around and you start to panic or shake them or ask them what the heck is wrong with them they are going to freak out and panic too.

I cannot stress it enough that this is bad.

DO NOT CALL THE POLICE. I’m dead fucking serious. I had a grand mal in public once and the POLICE were called and imagine coming out of the seizure, feeling like you got smacked in the head with a sack full of bricks, confused, dazed, in desperate need of some sugar to boost low blood pressure and some DIPSHIT has called the police and I was being threatened with being ‘drunk and disorderly’. It took a phone call to my doctors office to get them to back off. The police cannot properly deal with sick people. 

Offer help can be:

assuring person where they are/what time it is

getting them something to drink if they can; seizure burns so much energy and does cause a blood pressure drop

getting them safely to transport or a carer

getting them some dignity like a blanket/towel [loosing control of your bladder and bowels is fucking horrifying]

ensuring they have a way to get home. Someone who has just had a seizure should NEVER DRIVE straight after

calling emergency services if you notice any of these symptoms because they may have stroked out.

Why you shouldn’t put anything in someone’s mouth: they will choke. Yes, they may bite their tongue but I can assure you it’s less traumatic than cracking your jaw on someone’s greasy wallet or choking on a spoon.

Because PNES seizures aren’t caused by the same thing as epileptic seizures, they can look similar but people can be semi-conscious during them, generally do not lose full control of their bodies (bladder/bowels and other reflexes remain), and importantly, they can last longer than 5 minutes (even hours) without causing long-term damage.

The “do not call the police” point was especially vital for them, because people with PNES are more vulnerable to medical abuse by professionals who think they are “faking” because the seizure isn’t epileptic, and a person with PNES may have medical trauma from being treated cruelly by doctors, family members, etc. while seizing in the past. This study looked at stigma around PNES (also called functional seizures; I’m using PNES because its what my coworker called it):

Literature suggests that it can take years for patients to finally get a diagnosis of FS, but once they receive the diagnosis, it is often met with negative stereotypes and perceptions that lead to stigmatisation and treatment resistance. […] Moreover, with 34 of the 70 included data sources reflecting HCP [healthcare professional] stigma, one of the main themes that arose from this review illustrated the importance of HCPs’ acknowledgement and acceptance of their role in both perpetuating and reducing FS stigma. From our review it became apparent that HCPs’ negative attitudes towards patients with FS persist in the health community, often because of a lack of knowledge, general awareness, understanding and medical training with regards to this disorder

For my coworker, they expressed that one of the most important things for them was to just not be alone, to have someone verbally saying they were with them and it would be alright, and then to be supported according to their needs once the seizure ended. Their seizures were often triggered by stress, or from trauma triggers, so being treated with compassion, having their body respected, and having a calm environment during and after the seizure were very important.

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters

I guess God wanted the little robot to enjoy some sushi 🍣 🥲