urbanoceanix

SADIQ

I don't mean you can't get good at things through repeated practice. You can do that, I have done that, but I don't trust it.

I was driving this morning and thinking about how I have never developed the blasé contempt for it most people seem to despite never having caused an accident in 20 years because my sense of time is such that I might as well have been driving for a week. I'm a good, safe driver, but I do not have a heap of confidence in my driving despite having regularly done it for two decades because my sense of time is such that those two decades may as well not have happened.

I finished editing a novel today. When I publish it, it will be the 64th novel I have published in the last 10 years, not counting ghostwritten work. You'd think after a decade and 63 novels I'd be confident that I was capable of writing, editing, and publishing a novel—even be confident about the timeline for this—but no. No, I feel like I'm doing it for the first time, every time, and I was surprised to have finished the editing at all, let alone on time. Because those other 63 novels were published in a past I have a vague at best concept of. I have a record that says it happened but I do not feel it.

I cannot trust my future behaviour because for me there is functionally no past. I know it occurred, I have records, but I don't feel it the way people without this kind of memory issue do. I feel inexperienced at everything I've ever done and I cannot accurately estimate my skill level at anything, particularly not on the fly.

RATED: E | WC: 19K | COMPLETE 3/3 | HOME INVASION AU

CW for this chapter: medical inaccuracies, unprotected sex, comeplay if you squint, shane in the torment nexus

He's doom-scrolling through the Shane Hollander hashtag on Twitter when the call from Farah comes through, Ilya's feet propped up in his lap. Shane squeezes his ankle once, and accepts the call.

"I'm sorry, Shane," She says, sympathetic through the tinny line, "You need to be in Buffalo by tomorrow."

"No."

"There is no other option," Farah says, and Shane hates how cautious she sounds. It's the same tone Hayden uses when he's trying to be stern but fair with the kids. "Montreal have made it very clear, either you show up in Buffalo, or they'll put you out on waivers."

The word waivers is enough to make Shane's entire body lock up, his muscles turning to stone as he sits on Svetlana's ridiculously plush couch. How can a person's life fall apart in the space of two weeks? Less than fourteen days have passed since The Incident, and in that time he almost lost the love of his life, and now he's close to losing the second love of his life.

And for what? Because he's in love with a man? Because someone wanted some quick cash, and panicked, and fired a gun they shouldn't have been able to get in the first place? All of his worst fucking nightmares, happening one after the other.

OP: When I put on Hanfu, I suddenly realized that I'm a modern person.

Anyway apparently Mr. Eclipse made 5000 years' worth of solar eclipse graphics, which you can find the simpler versions of here

me: yeah, i posted on tumblr

publisher: .........tumblr?

me: that's where the gays are.

publisher: And what is your marketing strategy on... tumblr?

me: idk, i shitpost at 2am?

publisher: .....and it works?

me: depends on what the gays find funny at that point in time.

publisher: Could I have a link to your tumblr?

me: .......absolutely not.

publisher: I've been looking into tumblr, have you thought of using Blaze to promote your book?

me: NO

publisher: But it seems like an efficient way to get this in front of more eyes-

me: people on tumblr hate Blaze.

publisher: There is no algorithm and you can't pay to promote a post? I don't understand how anyone advertises anything on tumblr.

me: That's the best part. They don't. They can't.

(trying to make him understand that we do not control the attention. We just have to show something shiny and gay enough and if people are interested, they'll reblog.)

Also the most comfortable. I chose them after trying on several different brands and comparing lifespan vs usage vs comfort - I needed them for a physically demanding job, not the weekend hiking trails. I could have easily chosen cheaper boots that would have lasted long enough to be worth their low price, but I know the Sam Vimes Boot Theory and knew weaker, less comfortable boots would make my life harder in the long run.

So when the outside edge of the heel started wearing down after three years of heavy use I went to the shop I got them from and said “hey this is a common problem for me with how I walk but now it’s affecting my ankles and knees and I don’t wanna have to buy a new pair, is there a way to fix this?”

The salesman at this very fancy upscale boot store said “oh yeah, there’s a shoe repair place that can give you some heel guards - it’ll keep the rubber from wearing out.”

So at 8am this morning right after my 9hr shift ends I went to the shoe repair shop and it is the most hole-in-the-wall, is-this-a-real-business-or-a-mafia-front, am-I-gonna-get-shot tiny cinder block cube I’ve ever seen in my life. I grew up plenty poor and love me a good hole-in-the-wall business, but going from upscale store to this cash-only repair shop gave me whiplash. Wasn’t expecting this when a guy who wears three piece suits to sell boots said it’s the best place to go.

The skinny kid behind the counter looks somehow 16 and 25 at the same time, but when I tell him this place was recommended he smiles and says to hand over my boots. I hand him the vaguely warm foot-smelling boots, and stand in my socks in the 3’ square entryway surrounded by every color leather polish you could buy and watch as he turns my boots around in his hands, sizes up a crescent moon bits of plastic, and unceremoniously hammers tiny nails through them before handing them back.

The heels are perfectly level again. I can walk without almost rolling my ankles. They don’t clack loudly on the pavement or feel different. This is gonna fix my knee pain. It cost $10.

This kid had every tool he needed within arms reach, worked fast and smoothly, I was in and out the door in less than 8 minutes, and it only cost $10.

I didn’t think anything could cost only $10 anymore. I’m so used to hyperinflation prices I was spiritually thrown back to the 1400’s visiting the cobbler in town square. This kid might have been that cobbler and just decided to never die.

Pairing: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov Rating: Mature Word Count: 7733 Summary: “Let’s make a deal.” The words come out of his mouth without his permission but they make a flicker of a smile appear on Shane’s face, private and fond. He nods, silently urging Ilya to keep going. “In ten years, fifteen,” he starts, gritting his teeth against his own anxiety. “When hockey is done and no one gives a fuck about us anymore and- and I have American citizenship. If- if we are both still single, then we can try.” Shane goes still, hand dropping from Ilya’s face and mouth parting. Ilya has a moment or two to panic that he’s somehow completely miscalculated but then Shane’s expression breaks over an awed sort of smile. “Like those romcom couples, huh?” Ilya blinks. It’s not what he’d expected Shane to say. “What?” Shane’s smile widens into a grin. “You know those movies where like, two best friends make a pact that if they’re both still single when they’re forty then they’ll get married-” “You are proposing, Hollander? Is so sudden-” * In which Shane and Ilya decide to end things in Tampa, make a deal about someday, and end up on the same team together five years later.

A game has to list if it has any paid in-app purchases. In theory, this should make it easier for me to avoid games with dark patterns. But it does not work for that at all. Because most games have this warning. It treats every aspect the exact same.

A game that has designed itself to be a psychological minefield to set me up to feel increasingly weaker against guessing it money is labelled the exact same way as a game that gives me a free base game but offers to let me pay for expansions if I want to, even though you will get some of the expansion content for free.

It does...nothing, for me, as a consumer. Or for anyone worried about trying to avoid badly designed dark pattern games and reward good ones.

That is not me trying to argue that some AI is "good", that's not really up to me to decide. Only labelling all products or services that feature AI at any point in their creation doesn't feel transparent. It doesn't feel like it really helps me with my choices.

....which I forgot about completely before blithely going out in it yesterday to walk to a doctor's appointment and then had to like, sit down with my head between my knees when I got there. I was fully hydrated, had a water bottle with me, wore a hat, walked in the shade, and still by four blocks I was feeling Unwell. It's been ungodly hot out, admittedly, but I have felt more sensitive to it this summer than previous summers and now PERHAPS I KNOW WHY. (My dose was raised over the winter.)