They wear suits, but they don't even know basic etiquette.
Based on @cowardsexual 's post of a very sleepy phm science team and Grace's teacher instincts

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@bjurnberg
They wear suits, but they don't even know basic etiquette.
Based on @cowardsexual 's post of a very sleepy phm science team and Grace's teacher instincts

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Danny is the Crazy Old Man™️ of Gotham
So, the events of Danny Phantom happened decades ago
Like, Phantom Planet was one of the first instances of Superheroes in HISTORY. Early 1900's, just the Fentons were Insanely Ahead of their Time!
Danny is still a Halfa, but has allowed himself to grow old and live his best life before fully dying so he can accept his Throne in the Infinite Realms. He decides to experience Life in the fullest way possible, partying, drinking, making long lasting friendships that shape the lives of everybody he meets, all that!
Eventually, Danny's Party Life leads him to Gotham. And this place is just amazing!
It has all the comforts of Home, with so much more! He can Party! He can Fight! He can do anything he wants and nobody bats an eye, because a crazy old man getting into a fistfight in the middle of the road is just another Tuesday for Gotham!
He decides to spend the rest of his Mortal Life there. And this is still Early On in the DC Timeline, like, Batman Year 1 is happening Right Now.
He hangs around, befriends the local Homeless Population, and mostly just has the time of his Life! And he takes up the stereotypical Homeless Old Man look because why fight it? That's literally what he's going for!
He also unintentionally sets up a bunch of future events
He teaches Kid!Jason on his to steal Tires as repayment for driving off some muggers with a Baseball Bat (honestly he was looking forward to being mugged, it's a new experience after all)
He pulls Kid!Tim into an Alley after Tim gets caught out at night and gets chased by some Punks. He hides Tim behind a Dumpster and tricks the Punks into mugging him instead (Yay! He finally got mugged!)
He becomes kind of well known as the Old Man who wants to experience everything before he dies. He says as much too, not like he really has a reason to hide it. He just tells people "I want to live my life to the fullest, it don't matter if I live 10 more years or 10 more minutes, I'm gonna experience every second of it!"
He once walked into a Cloud of Fear Gas to see what it was like. Later he said it was a 6/10. "Not the worst thing I've had injected into my body!" He says with no Context.
He traded places with a Hostage during an active Crime Scene because he wanted to know what it's like.
He was once dared to take Batmans Utility Belt by another Homeless Guy as a joke, so he walked up to Batman later that night in full view of everybody else and just asked for his Belt. He gives up after a few minutes, and one guy asked "Why not fight him for it? It's an experience after all.". Danny replys "Nah, I've fought Vigilantes before. It was fun though, gotta say!"
...
This got away from me, but all this to say: Imagine the Bat Families Reaction when they find out "Crazy Old Danny" is PHANTOM. You know, THE FIRST SUPERHERO!
I imagine Constantine is having a stroll though Gotham after finishing up some business with Bruce, and just bumps into a homeless guy by accident.
Later that night:
Batman: Constantine, Why are you calling? Is it to do with the-
Constantine: Why the fuck is there a Homeless God in your City?
Batman: Wait wha-
...
Or imagine they know before Constantine meets him, and it goes instead like this
Constantine: Why the fuck is there a Homeless God in your City?!
Batman: You mean Old Man Danny? He's just a homeless guy? What do you mean?
Constantine: I swear on what's left of my Soul, that is a God.
Batman, a little shit: I don't think so, I would know (fully knows)
What if all and only people who've died can sense Danny's power. And the stronger that tie to death, the better they can sense his Presence.
So, like, people who've had their heart stops but where resuscitated just get that vague sense than Danny is Bigger than his body looks.
People who were really, properly dead and revived somehow (like, say, by the Pits) get the feeling that he's very very powerful but no details. But only if they were fully dead. If they were dying and the Pits healed them, it doesn't count.
Then Jason comes along. Who was dead, fully and properly-dead and decaying, for 6 whole months before being revived by a glitch in the universe. Jason's tie to death is as close as it can be without actively (passively?) being dead. So Jason senses Danny's borderline divinity for what it truly is. Jason looks at Danny and knows him. Not just that he's powerful, but dead recognizes dead, Subject recognizes King.
Of course, knowing Danny also means knowing he is every bit the crazy old geezer he presents himself as. So, like Danny's old rogues; Jason jumps pretty quickly from 'God King Death Phantom' to 'Fun Gor Punching, Mocking, and Quipping (Both With And Against)'. And seeing Danny going so easily back and forth with Jason eases the worst of Batman's paranoia. Especially if Danny helps Jason after his revival at all (either bringing him home before Talia nabs him or else helping the rage afterwards).
As for Constantine, having been dead but then having his soul shoved back in his body, he's closer to Pit-revived. Hence why he recognizes Danny as a god, but not as King.
With that exposition, I present this interaction
Constantine: Why the fuck is there a homeless god in your city?!
Batman: Hnn...?
Jason: He's not just a god. He's also a mad old bastard.
Danny: Eh? What was that, Sonny? You askin for another lesson in respecting your elders?
Jason: I would say 'When I'm dead," but we both know I won't respect you then either.
Constantine, pale and nervous: Bats, why is your kid taunting a god? Why are you letting him?
Batman: Him? That's just Old Man Danny.
Jason throws the first punch. Danny just sidesteps it and let's Jason follow the momentum into the side if a dumpster, which dents.
Batman: He's just a friendly old homeless guy.
Jason lunges and Danny casually flips Red Hood flat on his ass.
Batman: Nothing to be concerned about.
Red Hood gets up and throws a punch that Danny just takes before swinging his cane towards Jason's kneecaps.
Batman: He's harmless.
John *waves hand in general direction of the violence over yonder*
Batman: Ah him and Hood are just playing. He says it keeps him spry.
John*as many swears as he can in one go*
Batman: Don't worry. He's a good sort. Off his rocker. But never hurts anyone.
John: Aren't you s'posed to be paranoid?
Batman: Look, he brought me my son back. And helped him through his death ok. He gave me my boy back.
John: So benevolent deity then?
Batman: Nah he won't be a God till he dies. He refused. So he's just Ol' Man Danny till then.
John: Ok. Ok. Fuck. *muffled scream*
Danny: You alright there sonny?
*is holding Jason off the floor by his ankles effortlessly, Jason is cackling madly*
John: Yup! Just fuckin ' fine!
Danny: All right then if you say so youngin'
jaybirbie
I propose that Old man Danny takes every opportunity to flirt with Alfred
---
John is still having his quiet freak out when Alfred comes out to check on the situation. Danny immediately drops Jason and starts to straighten up his clothes
Danny: Hiya Alfie. Looking as handsome as ever. How are the kids behaving?
Alfred(who is flattered and like fucking with his family)
: Ah. You know my charges. Chaotic as ever. And thank you. I do try my best. You are your usual energetic(said suggestively) self. I shall take you up on the offer for breakfast. If you'll have me?
Danny: For you Alfie? Always!
Jason and Bruce both wince as they flirt. Dammit Danny! Go flirt elsewhere! John is just having another melt down. Really? Really? A Death For is flirting with Pennyworth?! In front of his imaginary salad!
Isn't Constantine also supposed to be older, but Demon's blood keeps him young. I feel like that's something I've seen before, that he's actually chronologically like 70-80 years old.
In which case.
Danny, aware of Constantine's... reputation: Aw, don't be jealous, Darling. Alfie-Dear has never minded sharing before. ; )
Bruce: *recoils*
Jason: *fake retching*
Jason just tackles Danny as the old man and Alfred start flirting with Constantine. Danny is having a great time fighting and flirting! Great entertainment! Bruce? Has escaped into the house. No! No thanks! He does not need that mental image. Alfred is family. He doesn't need to know!!
John just teleported away. Nope! He's not dealing with that today thanks.
Love John being like 'Nope! Even I'm not crazy enough to lay in that bed!'
Constantine:
Yes, exactly!
And maybe after a few days to process he'll come back. Only after making damn certain Batsy won't catch them. Believe it or not, John Constantine doesn't have a death wish. Nor does he intentionally make his own life miserable. And getting caught shaggin the Batman's father figure sounds like a good way to make at least one of those things happen.
I love when Danny is the first superhero. There’s literally statues of him all over the world in major cities. Gotham has one. But they’re from when Danny was a teenager so of course no one is gonna recognize Old Man Danny next to this 60 year old statue covered in pigeon shit. Bet Old Man Danny thinks it’s funny his statue is covered in pigeon droppings. Bet he purposefully throws seeds on his statue for the pigeons to eat.
‘project hail mary is about the power of friendship’ ‘project hail mary is about hope’ ‘project hail mary is about accidentally becoming too important at work’ wrong wrong wrong you’re all wrong. project hail mary is about what it would take for a single man in his 30s to own a fully paid off beachfront property in today’s economy
Don’t have time to deal with teenage mood swings tonight, Alfred.
(Batman Volume 4 #9)

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lmfao the Scots in town for the World Cup have made a pilgrimage to Boston's world-famous Cop Annihilating Slide
I was talking to my mom about John Green today and I mentioned that “he’s still on tumblr” and she asked why that would be weird and I said that no one is on tumblr these days, “except him and I guess me”
So
I don’t know what all of you guys are doing here, because clearly this website is occupied only by me and John Green
just the two of us / we can make it if we try.
tumblr glitched and now there’s just a guy in the void
Wile E. Coyote, two milliseconds before he lights a match only to reveal he's surrounded by flammable traps he himself has set and the whole website explodes
how this week has felt
Prints of these are now up on my inprnt! Link in bio as always and thank you for the lovely comments 🖤
To be honest. DCxDP where the reason Danny meets the bats is Ace the Bat-hound
Like, just think about it for a second. Danny is in Gotham for college, or maybe he just moved out to find a city where having mad scientist parents isn’t actually that unusual.
He can see ghosts.
The ghosts know this.
Now he’s getting harassed left and right by spirits trying to get closure. Fine, whatever, most of them are a one-and-done type deal, and the amount of ghosts trying to get his help steadily decreases.
Except for this one very stubborn dog.
It just keeps showing up and leading him to crime scenes! He doesn’t know how many “anonymous tips” he can call in to the cops before they trace his phone! And this dog, this incredibly good boy, will not stop trying to help the city. He’s never met anyone with such a strong sense of justice, let alone a dog. Can dogs even have a moral compass?
And so Danny just accepts the fact that Ace isn’t going anywhere and becomes his reluctant sidekick/dedicated medium. He leans into the whole thing, dressing up in a mix of traditional magic-user attire and accessories that pay homage to the ghost dog.
He becomes somewhat well known. The psychopomp detective following around the shadowy figure of a German Shepard? That’s unusual! That’s weird! I mean, it’s not the weirdest thing in Gotham, sure, but he’s a new vigilante and he’s got a ghost dog that people can only see when it’s around him. Someone’s gonna notice.
Damian, as Robin, is the first to reach out to him.
Ace doesn’t know Damian but he does know a Robin, and while this isn’t his Robin, he’s still friendlier than usual. Danny’s panicking because oh god the bats are here and also is this kid gonna steal my ghost dog, Damian is absolutely delighted by Ace, and Ace is just happy to see a Robin again.
Damian decides that the psychopomp isn’t a danger to anyone, and there’s no reason to put this encounter into his reports, really, and perhaps Danny can help with some of his cases in the future.
Danny is sweating bullets because Damian basically tells him that he’ll keep him secret as long as he gets to play with Ace. Ace is happy that he’s finally getting some bat affiliated crime-fighting assistance.
And so, Danny is now both Ace AND Damian’s reluctant assistant. At least whenever he’s in trouble, he can always call a middle schooler to help him.
(Is Robin even in school? He’s out patrolling damn near every night, and he stays out late as hell. Does he have a bedtime? He should.)
Eventually it gets to the point where Damian is going over to Danny’s house. When he first sees it, he has a damn bitch you live like this moment, to which Danny responds that not everyone has the money to afford a nice place. Damian counters that he could at least take the time to clean up, and Danny replies that he’s working, going to school, and being a vigilante assistant to a ghost dog, something’s got to give.
Danny nearly has a heart attack when he checks his bank account the next day and sees that someone transferred him 10,000 dollars.
And so they get into a routine. Danny and Damian fight crime with Ace at night, and occasionally Damian stops by during the day to play with Ace and have Danny help with his homework.
(Damian is smart enough to do it on his own, but some of the instructions are written incredibly confusingly, and he would never admit to needing help to his family. Danny is just glad that the kid is in school and cares about his education, blissfully unaware that he’s basically emotionally adopted him.)
Damian is used to being in Danny’s company.
Eventually, when going over a case with the family, Damian absentmindedly remarks that he’ll have to ask Danny about some of the clues that they might be missing. Nightwing asks who he means and Damian makes a face like he just swallowed a lemon.
Cue shitstorm.
Who is “Danny?” Why is Damian willing to ask for help from anyone, much less someone outside of the family? Does he know who Damian is? Has Damian been compromised? What the hell is going on?
Damian now has to explain that Danny is the psychopomp with the ghost dog who he might have met hunted down while on patrol and conveniently not mentioned, but he’s not a bad person, really, and he lets him play with Ace, and he’s been quite helpful on certain cases due to his ability to talk to ghosts.
Bruce insists that the family meet Danny. Damian, hoping that he won’t just skip town the second he hears the news, relents.
Danny is surprisingly eager to meet the bats, considering his earlier fears.
Damian, blissfully unaware of what’s coming, sets a time and place to meet.
Once everyone is there, he gives Bruce the earful of a lifetime.
Robin is in middle school! Danny knows that there’s no way to stop the boy from going on patrol, but you could at least shift his schedule so he gets enough sleep on school nights! Does the Bat even know where he is half the time?! (No) And why isn’t he comfortable asking his family for help with both cases and homework? Did they ever even notice how much time he was spending at Danny’s house? If Danny was a bad person, he could have seriously hurt the poor boy! Shame on you!
Nightwing is mortified that Damian didn’t trust him enough to tell him about any of this. Red Hood is laughing his ass off, because yeah Danny is making good points but he’s also chewing out the literal Batman. Tim is recording the whole thing. Steph is delighted by the absolute gall of this Danger Twink™️, and already planning to add him to several groupchats. Damian is more embarrassed than he’s ever been in his entire life.
You, he points to Nightwing, did your academic life feel supported when you were a Robin? Nightwing is too stunned to speak. Red Hood, eternal shit-stirrer, says that oh, we all prioritized patrol over our education, that’s just how it is. Red Robin actually dropped out of high school to avoid distractions, did you know that?
Danny honest-to-god shrieks at this.
He finishes his angry rant and leaves, everyone too stunned to stop him.
And as it turns out, Tim wasn’t the only person recording the whole thing.
The entire internet is blowing up with Psychopomp The Danger Twink™️’s rant. People are taking sides. Things are getting messy. Red Hood literally admitting on-camera to previously being a Robin is somehow not the main focus here.
Eventually someone connects some dots from the video, as well as stories circling the internet about the psychopomp. A ghost dog named Ace, who is the literal only reason that the psychopomp is fighting crime at all, which seems incredibly fond of Nightwing and Robin.
A crime-fighting dog who wants constant attention from both the current and original Robin.
Oh my god, Ace the Bat-hound died and became a crime-fighting ghost.
And, somehow, that’s still not the strangest thing going on in Gotham.
Joker gets fed up with this little shit and his ghost dog stopping him from having fun. He hasn't managed a major crime in almost an entire year! He decides that This Is Has To Go. Now.
The next time he breaks out, he immediately goes into hiding in a safe house and doesn't leave at all. The goons that bring him supplies are not allowed to wear any clown paraphernalia or attack anyone within a 1 block radius - he is not taking any chances. He manages to find a website that sells anti-ghost weaponry and gets several guns and a bat express delivered to him.
Once he's fully equipped, he alerts his minions that it's go time. Brucie is having a party tonight, and he's going to be the main entertainment. Luckily for him, Danger Twink is even invited since the Gala has something to do about animals.
Joker gets exactly 1 hit in at the dog before he realises he Fucked Up. Danny was going easy on him this whole time. Mainly, it was out of respect to Bat's rules, as Ace got upset when he got too violent against the rogues, but also because it just wasn't necessary for him to put in much effort.
Mistake number one was bringing VladCo weapons to the party. Mistake number two was targeting the dog.
Joker is lying crumpled on the ground next to a pile of his own bones by the time one of the Bats gets there.
Clockwork said he couldn't kill the Joker.
Phasing his spine from the c3 vertebrae down is non lethal so Danny is in the clear.
Jason is getting the spine to a taxidermist and having it turned into an umbrella or something.
Damian looked between Danny and the Joker in confusion. Batman? Just zoned out.
Damian: Why now?
Danny: Piece of shit got ghost hunting tech and nearly shot Ace. Which would have ended him. I might not kill. But doesn't mean I have to be nice.
Damian:..... Joker is very lucky you have already dealt with him them.
Jason: Holy shit! Is that his spine?!?!? I could kiss you right now!
Damian, who already likes Danny and sees him as family......
Damian: Only if you court him properly! I will not have you mistreating Psychopomp!!!
Dick: Baby Bat, shouldn't that be the other way around?
Damian: No! Psychopomp far kinder than any of you save Black Bat. Therefore he has my defence.
Danny: That's sweet of you Robin. I don't think Hood meant anything by it though. You don't need to worry! Oh, I should probably call for an ambulance huh?
Ace gets Joker’s spine as a new chew toy as compensation for all the shit Joker put his humans through
Batman is of course freaking out. Psychopomp could do that all this time?! How did they not know this???? What do you mean "It wasn't relevant till now?" . It was very relevant that he be aware of this?!?!
Danny: Nope! You aren't a good enough Dad to Robin for me to trust you with that information! Bye!
Batman:..... He really doesn't like me. Hm.
Robin:... I believe it is more that he has imprinted on me emotionally and feels protective of me.
Red Hood: Well! Good to know someone is willing to do shit like this to send a message! I approve!
Nightwing: Of course you approve. It was very right heads in a duffel bag of him really.
Red Hood: Nah. This might be worse honestly. I just killed em ya know? Joker is vulnerable now. And that ain't something that can be healed. The other rogues are gonna take advantage. Clown bitch is fucked.
Red Robin: It is certainly effective. I am so glad he's not a rogue. Holy shit.
Steph, probably: “Dibs on his kneecaps!!”
Oracle, definitely: “I WANT HIS LEGS”
Reporters eve really track Danny down to ask about why he feels so strongly about the situation. Danny gets to go on a glorious rant.
Danny: When I was 14 I ended up having to be a vigilante for my city. With just my close friends for support. My sleep schedule was destroyed. My education suffered. I was fighting off Justice League level threats by myself. I managed to get shot sorted by my last year of high school. And managed to get my education back on track. But Robin? Has adult heroes. No child should be a hero. I accept that you can't stop them. But Robin should not be able to run as free as he does! Batman hardly ever knows where he even is! His education and future shouldn't be put at risk like this! His safety shouldn't be at risk like this! And if I have to take up the hero mantle again to ensure Ace and Robin are that bit safer? I guess I will. But Batman should be the one doing this. And he isn't!
Reporter:.... Justice league level threats?
Danny: Justice League Dark more specifically. Mad scientists mixing tech with occult. It went badly wrong. Doesn't help that they managed to take over the phone lines so no one could call for outside help.
Reporter: Huh. Any plans to take up your old moniker?
Danny: No way! I'm not risking those idiots finding me if they break out of prison. Anyway! Not important! Aww shoot. Ace heard something. Head to safety please.
Less than a week later, Jason decides to finally take Damien up on that courting Danny idea. He thought about getting them some spooky somewhat, Thematically relevant flowers as a first date gift.
Jason: Do you think ghost lilies would be too on the nose?
Steph: No I think that's really sweet, You're both death adjacent Vigilante. I think a little Spookiness is more than Acceptable, Nay, I encourage it.
Jason: Did you just say nay? Who are you? Shakespeare?
Damian: No, no, no, that's hardly romantic at all. If you want properly, Woo him, you must pick flowers with an appropriate meaning. Personally, I suggest carnations. light red carnations convey admiration and adoration, the dark red carnations articulate the profound feelings of love and affection.
Steph: I think it's a bit too early for something like Adoration, or Profound Feelings Of Love. They haven't even started dating yet.
Dick: How about something that means friendship or hope for a good relationship?
Steph: Google suggests sunflowers, Alstroemeria, chrysanthemums, Zinnia, and Daf...
Damian: Don't just list flower names without Going over the full meaning.
They continued arguing like that for another 3 hours And eventually just decided to get him chocolate.
#I'm honestly surprised Damian never got caught for wiring that $10000 to Danny.#Like you'd think Bruce goes over his expense accounts or something#At least Alfred should have noticed her. Maybe in account or something.#When was the last time the Wayne family got audited by the IRS.#That must have been wild
I mean, Damian probably bounced it around a bit first. Or labelled it as a donation. To be a little shit to Danny.

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Booster Gold in Tales From the Dark Multiverse: Infinite Crisis
Stop Busting my Undercover Op
Danny, fifteen but physically deaged to ten and freshly shat out of a natural portal into the DCU, realizes Gotham has a serious issue with trafficking.
Danny, who can turn invisible and intangible, takes it upon himself to act as bait and free the people who are victims of trafficking
Red Hood, who routinely dismantles trafficking operations, starts to notice Adoption Bait Danny being trafficked from one ring to the next, and that whoever is betraying these organizations and freeing the kids keeps missing this particular one.
Danny finally cottons onto the fact that Hood is looking for him specifically and breaks into Hood's safehouse to leave a note saying to "leave this kid alone, he's exactly where he's supposed to be" with a picture of him as Danny Fenton.
Unfortunately, instead of calling off the search the Bats start looking harder and that was not the intention?? Well, Danny is nothing if not petty and he needs some levity in between the horror of the trafficking rings so...
Cue a series of passive aggressive notes for Hood after each bust, criticizing everything from how he kicks the door down to his banter to how many unnecessary flips Nightwing incorporated into the fight
Danny sticks around juuuust long enough to hear Hood's scream of rage as he finds the next note
I love you, vintage gay Pikachu. You’ll find the boy for you, I promise.
The Circus Gothica situation causes Maddie and Jack to worry more about thier son's recent bad behavior. They decided drastic measures are in order. what are those measures?
Danny is sent to his Great-Uncle's. Pa and Ma Kent live in the middle of nowhere
Maddie calls a sorority sister up. Iris Allen works well with "trouble" youth
Jack thinks a job will straighten him out. Danny works at Queen Industries.
Danny is sent to a boot camp. He escapes and hides in Hal Jordan's shed
Jazz recommends creative outlet. Danny's work catches the eye of Diana Prince

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Psych is such a weird show bc in a lot of ways it's constantly asking, "can you forgive your father? even tho he could never forgive you, can you forgive him?" and the thing he could never forgive you for was not meeting his exact very specific expectations. And the answer keeps being yes you can, because not doing so is worse. You tried and it hurt more. You tried and it made you more miserable. You forgive him because he's all you have most of the time, and its somehow less complicated than whatever you have going on with your mom. You can forgive him but you can't forget, and then one day he realizes that he was wrong and there was nothing he should have taken as a slight about you, but you both just never acknowledge this paradigm shift in your relationship bc it'd be more awkward then fighting again for the millionth time. So things get better but you never say why, you never acknowledge it unless forced and somehow you forgive him more than your mom who you were never even half as mad at.
But also it's about breaking and entering into sea world and making a janitor think you killed your best friend so you can escape, it's about gaslighting your coworkers into thinking you are the dumbest man alive, it's about only closing a mystery when it's as funnt as possible and making sure everyone else around you is as baffled as possible. It's about childhood and nostalgia and growing up in the most chaotic way you can. It's about people being killed with a t-rex skull, it's about slapstick and committing to the bit and being the silliest messiest bisexual on tv in 2006-2014.
It's about a son and his father and forgiveness and somehow also they are in a circus tent trying to find out why a corpse was launched from a cannon. And also there's an extended musical episode that makes it onto my personal Spotify year after year
The Martian of course was part of the small but notable genre of movies 'people expend huge amounts of effort to rescue Matt Damon'. In Project Hail Mary we see a foundational entry in the inverse genre 'people expend huge amounts of effort to send Ryan Gosling away forever'. Excited to see where we send Ryan Gosling next.