Why are we all collectively so fascinated by the WillMack phenomenon? What is this mass psychosis we are all under?
Good question! Whyyy are we all so down bad for the Wackles? Well, I can only speak for myself, but here are some of my reasons:
1. They’re not like other girls
lol no seriously. One of my favourite things about them is how unapologetically unconventional they are by hockey standards. Their hobbies, when they’re together — look away Fratlin Kegbrini of Sidneh Crosbeh fame— mostly consist of curbside sports, playing with children under the age of 12, Catan nights at their Unc’s place, candlelit dinner dates at establishments with dress codes and reservation waitlists, watching rom-coms, reading books and discussing them over brunch, and baking for their coworkers. Or, rather, Will bakes and Mack quality controls the products. It’s like they’re constantly roleplaying as married suburban dads with a nuclear-family lifestyle and a white picket fence, even though they’re basically teenage boys who should be at the clerb getting high.
2. They’re together all the damn time
Their teammates, coaches, parents, and media can all confirm this. And if they’re not physically together, they’re FaceTiming and yearning to be together. Cat says she can count on one hand the number of times she’s had one of them over without the other. Like??? Will’s mom has openly wondered whether they ever get sick of each other, and this is a woman who has watched her son have 1736262 different boybestfriendships. Gabe and Leno literally lived with Will at different points, and Will lives with Matty B in the offseason, but you don’t catch her making the same comments about those friendships. So the amount of time Will spends with Mack must be abnormal even by Will Smith standards. Hell, even Bill Smith Hockey isn’t immune. That man had to spend eight hours a day with his son’s bestie during a visit. Like?
3. You can’t sit with us!
God forbid anyone infringe upon their togetherness. They’re attending a function? Attached at the hip, with Ostapchuk looking into the camera like he’s on The Office. They’re sitting on a plane? The Sharks agree no one would want the middle seat. They’re playing sewer? They’re either giggling and flirting, booting balls at their teammates’ faces to make each other laugh, or ditching team sewer for private sewer. They’re on the bench waiting for their shift? They’re either halfway across each other’s laps, crossing five bodies to get to each other’s laps, or talking over their unfortunate third linemate’s head *cough* Graf *cough* because obviously what they need to say cannot wait, and also is not meant for anyone else’s ears, thank you very much.
I fear they might actually be soulmates. They knew of each other for years, played on rival teams, existed in the same tiny hockey world, kept an eye on each other, and somehow never exchanged a word. Then San Jose gets the 4OA pick, then the 1OA pick, they meet at development camp, and boom: worlds collide, chemistry explodes, souls bond from the first words exchanged. Suddenly they’re pissed they can’t play together. They want their jerseys hanging from the rafters together. They want to move in together, be roommates on the road, have a joint TikTok (RIP wcpsmrc), wear matching costumes, and show up in matching tailored walk-in outfits.
No, Toff, you cannot stand close to Mack for “good times.” No, you cannot wrap your arms around Will’s waist during cellys; Mack will physically remove them because that waist is his belt loop. No, Connor Bedard, Mack does not think about you. No, Ekky, Swedish wrestling with Will is not allowed under Mack’s watch. No, Connor McDavid, Will may not be you, but Mack is his significant lover. Like. Do y’all hear yourselves? BFFR.
6. I made you my temple, my mural, my sky
They are constantly hyping each other up, defending each other to the media and their coaches. “Will just needs guys who can play with him.” “You see what a special player he is every night.” “I don’t think you need to worry about Mack’s scoring. He’s our leader.” They play with the utmost joy two people can feel at their place of employment. Every day is a great day when I’m next to you. I’ll stay up all night watching you play at international tournaments and take your calls morning, day, and night until dark circles bloom under my eyes. I won’t support my own country or celebrate in any way, because your pain is my pain, and I stand with you first and foremost. I’ll sign you up for silly little side quests, skip practice to take a midday nap with you while playing white noise so you can sleep, and make a hype reel to remind you who you are and what we can do together. And you’ll do the same for me. You’ll fight for me until the guy who hurt me bleeds. You’ll win the game in my name. You’ll take me shopping the next day and then to a game. You’ll take me out for espresso martinis on my birthday until we’re both sick and commiserating about how much this past month has sucked for us. You’ll drive me to our Unc’s place so I can cuddle their little dog with a blanket wrapped around me, then sneak off to a quiet room with me, giggling and wishing we could share our happiness with the world and go live. And it’s just you and me. It’s always going to be you and me.
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. It’s rare to witness two people make belonging look that effortless, so I had no choice but to stan.
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