Unwilling Brudick Shipper

Anyway, they drunkenly make out and exchange phone numbers.

Unfortunately for Dick, his brain also ends up filing this information about oysters away because it's really quite interesting.

He meets Brucie for a drink a few days later. He has to sit through the ordeal of Bruce ordering his drink: "Ketel One martini, as cold, dry and dirty as you can make it. Shake it at least a full minute, and just use the vermouth to rinse the glass. With three blue cheese olives and one cornichon."

Dick: "Ummm a gin and tonic, please?"

Bruce cuts in to tweak the order -- "With Monkey 47 and FeverTree clementine tonic. You have that, don't you? Excellent."

Then he turns to Dick and launches into an explanation of the different kinds of gin out there, from Roku to Hendrick's to Botanist, and how "it's all about the botanicals!! Botanicals, Dickie!"

Dick is suffering, because as much as he is cringing on the inside, he is also really into all of it. He can only imagine what his mother is going to say when she hears about this.

Actually, what's she going to say is "He's rich? Go get your bag, baby", because she's not above exploiting a rich man.

Anyway, Dick goes home with him because unfortunately, he is too intrigued not to. He's half-expecting for Brucie to be a selfish, premature ejaculator, but actually... he seems very interesting in taking care of Dick.

I mean, it also comes with more lectures about the importance of stretching and mobility, as if Dick hasn't been well-versed in all that since childhood, but Bruce's slicked fingers inside him feel good enough that he can sort of semi-tune that out.

Don't tell anyone, but he does pay closer attention to Brucie's spiel on the benefits of prostate massage and how to do it properly (while demonstrating said technique on Dick ofc).

It occurs to Dick to sort of nudge Bruce's head down to his cock, and put that mouth to other uses instead -- and Brucie is surprisingly compliant, which is interesting information to file away for later -- and it works, too, except Bruce pulls away every so often to explain exactly what he just did with his mouth.

But also, it's almost like edging… Brucie slowly, very slowly, getting Dick worked up and keeping him hovering on the edge for the longest time before letting him come.

God damn it, it might be the best orgasm Dick has had in a long time.

He's too boneless and cloud-brained to think about getting Bruce off, but the other man doesn't seem to mind.

Later, Dick isn't surprised to see Aesop products in Brucie's luxurious, black-marble bathroom. He lets himself enjoy all of it while taking a shower, because he is not wealthy enough to afford any of these products on a regular basis and he's going to enjoy it while he can, okay?!

They continue hanging out -- going out for meals and coffee and matcha and all that stuff. Bruce somehow always finds some new pretentious topic for his sermons ("I'm concerned you aren't getting enough protein, chum, studies show...") and Dick somehow always finds himself learning something new and interesting. And he somehow always finds himself in Bruce's bed, too.

He ends up going home with gifts, too. One morning, it's a cotton tote full of La Mer products -- "you have to take care of that beautiful face, Dickie, sunscreen is so important" and another day, it's a Loewe satchel -- "it's pronounced Loh-eh-vay actually" -- and it's nice, okay? Dick can live without nice things, but these are all nice things that make his life better and suit his tastes even when he doesn't realise it.

(Even if he nearly faints when he realises the price of the Tom Ford fragrance Bruce gifted him... with a detailed homily on how to wear cologne, of course).

At some point, it occurs to Dick to convince Brucie to bottom for him, because maybe those lectures on prostate massage were his way of trying to tell Dick something...?

And like, it’s cataclysmic for Brucie. Life-changing. Dick fully succeeds in dickmatizing this otherwise insufferable man.

... For like half an hour until the afterglow wears off and then Bruce is back to talking about deconstructivist architecture.