bruce wayne dilf agenda
trying on a metaphor

tannertan36

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@frownyalfred
bruce wayne dilf agenda

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Anyway, let's sexualize Hal Jordan harder.
Detective Comics #1109
Bruce and his baby
Listennnnn, I need some Batfleck headcanons, please. Thank you 🫡
This man is too overhated :/ I still think he was an amazing Bruce (and Batman), and I wish we had seen more of him. Dare I say, Jeremy Irons' Alfred is one of my favorite interpretations ever. Loved him in BvS. Specially scenes with him and Bruce.
Started going grey at 32
He and Alfred jog around the Manor property together for exercise
He’s a functional alcoholic but only in between his cases / big missions. Otherwise he’s 100% sober for peak physical performance.
The kind of Batman who beat up criminals for even looking at Robin, much less making a joke about hurting him.
Darker, grittier and more pessimistic even before he lost Robin. He didn’t trust anyone beyond Alfred, and it took years for him to warm up to Robin (Dick or Jason, depends on if you go off Snyder lol)
Every single inch of property and every cent he owns goes to Alfred immediately upon his death. This is an expectation, not a worse case scenario.
Most of his failsafes are a complex series of satellite uploads and then explosives. Soooooo many explosives under that lake.
Sustains on an insane amount of calories per day (see my protein post)
So big/massive that the Bane matchup in this universe was much more balanced (he didn’t get his back broken but absolutely got beaten up)
On that note: breaking his bones doesn’t stop him, it just makes him more angry (this is a man who pulled a knife out of his own rotator cuff to stab someone with)
GCPD doesn’t just fear him because they’re corrupt, they fear his brand (he has a bad habit of branding cops who betray innocents right in the face)
Once spent ten or so days pit fighting in the Narrows for intel and actually won minor fame as a brawler
Alfred has slapped him awake on more than one occasion so that Bruce can help move himself (he weighs too much for Alfred to even try moving)
Alfred never left him or the lake house because he made a promise to Martha that he would always watch over Bruce
Jim Gordon respects and fears him in equal amounts. He watched what happened after Robin’s death and just shook his head.
The acid burn on his shoulder is from the Joker taunting him for being too pretty after unmasking him and threatening to burn his face off.

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Gonna start the new year with babygirlifying him to the max!!
And fight with Clark for a piece of that expensive ass
“I’m actually really into writing. I—”
“Can I read something you wrote?”
hey remember my fic where the aliens were looking for a child of Batman and Superman and the two of them are standing there scratching their heads while Dick is right behind them on the verge of either tears or manslaughter? that’s the kind of angst I love for Dick. oh hey you guys raised me and trained me and gave me the name Nightwing and I always go to one of you when I need help…but you’re not my parents? are you kidding me? meanwhile Superbat is being messy with the will they won’t they dynamic kicked up to 11 so the label of “parent” only throws them so much because it implies the presence of another…a partner, if you would…someone they’re very close with in every way while they build the JL and train the next generation of superheroes…you don’t think that means something? and the kicker is, it means everything — to them, to Dick, to the entire JL.
“Bats all have their respective Supers” false. Bruce Wayne got one (1) Super obsessed with him and it influenced an entire generation of Supers. His aura was so powerful, he managed to get Supers doing crossover events and protecting unrelated Bats. All because Clark Kent was down bad. Imagine.
Frowny it just occurred to me that Clark casually managing to lock down not one but two billionaires has gotta be wild for the people in his personal life. Especially the people who have no idea who he is. Like his planet coworkers are just minding their business, not paying any attention to that clumsy, awkward-but-sweet-and-polite Clark Kent, and then the news breaks that he's in a relationship with THE Bruce Wayne and Pack Alpha to THE Lex Luthor. I know Perry's flabbers were ghasted. I know his coworkers are wondering how in the HELL he managed it lmao. Lois must find it hilarious. I need a "random daily planet worker" POV desperately 🤣🤣🤣
Oh 500%! I know I’ve been neglecting his work and Lois/Perry POVs. I’ve always wanted to write a fic with that kind of revelation, esp if someone has to come in and request THE pack alpha and everyone in the bullpen freezes as Clark sheepishly stands up and walks out. Or if Clark has to pull himself from a story because he’s publicly connected to it…
Actually I wanted Clark to be the one to write an article about Lex getting jumped in Metropolis, but if Perry and Lois know, they’d obviously keep him far away from that story. Just imagine all the stories he has to be pulled from for one reason or another — Lex, Bruce, Bruce and Lex, WE, the Wayne Pack, etc. someone in the office is trying to scoop details about the twins and Clark has a sixth sense for disappearing when they walk by…

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This might be a really hot take, but I think the only way to salvage the Al Ghuls at this point is for another reboot, adaptation or alternate continuity to divorce them entirely from the League of Assassins. Have Henri Ducard or whomever be the one running it and the Al Ghuls (probably need to change their names) be a completely ordinary civilian family of Arab immigrants. So long as they're tied to the League of Assassins, we're always going to get Orientalist takes.
I understand why you may have come to this conclusion, but this is a pretty misguided take at best and making the problem worse at worst. The problem with the al Ghuls is not that they are villainous, powerful, or dangerous, it is that they are flattened and unchanging, unable to be given evolution, depth, or an interiority independent of a western viewer who brings them to life with his viewership. This, not base negativity, is the foundation of Said's Orientalism as scholarly critique:
In a sense the limitations of Orientalism are, as I said earlier, the limitations that follow upon disregarding, essentializing, denuding the humanity of another culture, people, or geographical region. But Orientalism has taken a further step than that: it views the Orient as something whose existence is not only displayed but has remained fixed in time and place for the West. [...] The West is the actor, the Orient a passive reactor. The West is the spectator, the judge and jury, of every facet of Oriental behavior. [...] The Oriental is given as fixed, stable, in need of investigation, in need even of knowledge about himself. No dialectic is either desired or allowed. There is a source of information (the Oriental) and a source of knowledge (the Orientalist), in short, a writer and a subject matter otherwise inert. The relationship between the two is radically a matter of power [...]
Orientalism happens in the distortion, generalisation, and instrumentalisation of that material for a Western gaze, not in the mere fact of a Western person writing about Asia or Asians at all, even villainous ones. There is obviously a certain amount of it that is inescapable; Orientalism in the pop culture is derived from the authority of scholarship which, uh, DC Comics will very obviously be unable to hold a candle to. You will never get revolutionary or liberatory writing from this company or characters. Nor can these characters ever be detached from their history or the history of the man who created them or the history of their inspirations and their creators, and so on and so forth. So that's the baseline.
But even working within that somewhat defeatist attitude, I think the above proposal in a reboot is far bleaker and dehumanizing than my own realism-ideal scenario, which is as simple as Make The Al Ghuls Complex People With Their Own Emotional Histories & Perspectives. Ra's can dangle Bruce chained up above a pit of lava (see also: the eroticism of Ra's al Ghul) for all I care as long as I understand how and why we got there and Ra's doesn't feel like a caricature. I am a reader; I like danger and mystique and power in my fiction! Danger and mystique and power is not the enemy, essentialisation is! The Asian man can be a despot because he individually is a despot, not because Asians are predisposed to despotism; to duck this truth due to a fear of the difficulties of clarification makes it sound like you're afraid of the ghost of Karl Wittfogel. The Orientalist levers we see in the depiction of the al Ghuls are writing choices that are independently fixable.
To take the League of Assassins and give it to Henri Ducard or David Cain or Slade Wilson or whomever has not de-Orientalised the story, but rather it states that only a European hand can safely (or rather, without discomfort) hold that power, while the Asians get flattened (again!) and stripped of their power for the sake of narrative rehabilitation (and again, comfort on the part of the audience). Not to mention that without fundamentally changing core components of what the League is but now denying it the possibility of evolution and depth in accordance with its leader, it still has its roots in Orientalist exoticism. The Orient still supplies the danger and mystery, it's just been outsourced to a white proxy so the reader doesn't have to feel bad about who's wielding it.
The bigger issue than the League, though, to me, is the framing of what is left for the al Ghuls. Asianness, Arabness, and the Oriental is only allowed clemency and legitimacy when they have been de-fanged and divested of, to be frank, anything interesting in their story. To deny Ra's his ideology and to deny Talia of her central conflict--what is left? "A completely ordinary civilian family of Arab immigrants"--why? Why is the only safe way to depict brown people smallness, innocence, mundanity? Why are they immigrants; is it so inconceivable that world traveler, billionaire, and superhero Bruce Wayne could fall in love in Lebanon, Palestine, Jordan, Iraq, Kuwait? Don't think that this is any different from the idea that the West can 'tame' and 'civilize' through its influence.
Why does ambition and grandeur and mysticism taint Asians so uniquely and thoroughly that we have to throw the baby out with the bathwater, while, say, the innate conservatism of Bruce's character as billionaire patriarch and hero stamping out a 'criminal parasite', while an obvious myth that flatters Anglo-American capital's right to rule against a failing state and assertion of moral order, allowed to be complicated, subverted, and redefined? Denying the al Ghuls that same grace is a failing, not a fix. It just shuffles the discomfort and asserts a kind of condescension, a lack of belief that a reader can identify the distinction between "Arab characters can be complex, powerful, and even antagonistic" and "Arabs are a sinister race".
In short:
Maybe it's the shipper in me but this made my heart drop. WERE YOU EVEN AT THE FUNERAL CLARK??
Hal Jordan on Reddit 20 min after learning Batman’s secret identity:
This is from Batman/Superman: World's Finest #38. Look at this. Look at this man, swooning on his back, legs spread, calling Bruce's name. There is no straight explanation for this.
Today in “they didn’t have to draw that panel Like That”
(SCENE: Joker, leaning out of the window of a speeding car tearing through the Narrows. Behind him, in close pursuit, is the Batmobile. Joker is haphazardly aiming a bazooka out of the passenger window. The Batmobile is actively smoking on one side. Moments later, sixteen GCPD squad cars follow behind with full lights and sirens)
Jason Todd, sleep-deprived, smoking a cigarette on his safe house balcony in his boxers: ...type shit

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frowny, u gotta let go
…of?
how long is too long to wait for an ao3 author to come back to their original fandom? asking for a friend who subscribed to an author 12 years ago and is still getting emails.