space girls™

Me thinking why a whale (big) would eat krill (small) and then I remembered rice (yum)

so few people appreciate the wisdom I have to offer.........

"getting laid" is very hot and sexy. "getting off"? great news as well. so you would think "getting laid off" would be wonderful news for your penis. but alas

Check in - My life has continuously improved since I voiced this and really actualized it

vampires have been drinking human blood for centuries they don't give a fuck about guys on eight different antidepressants. they were sucking on asbestos factory workers

But y’all not ready for THAT conversation

Yrahrabbrabyababrabow? Yabayayayow. *Click click click click click click click click click click click*

It’s insane how many organs will just Make Rocks if left up to their own devices. Kidneys. Gall bladder. Pancreas. Tonsils, what’s that about???

being alive is great because there are so many different vegetables you can sauté. but then there are also the horrors

when I am emperor I will demand that you put the tracking number directly in the shipment confirmation email, and if you make me go to your website and sign in before I can access any tracking info, you’re going straight into the coliseum to fight for your life

staring into the bathroom mirror gripping the sink and telling myself "you are not uniquely horrible you are literally just some guy"

TikTok is convincing too many hot people that they're funny

i think the concept of a software install wizard is so cute… developers know the average person isnt comfortable running terminal commands so theyre like here!!! this wizard will do it for you <3 and we’re all like yay :) the wizard

the idea that suffering (usually in silence) is a virtue has wreaked havoc on our culture, and capitalism has been all too happy to co-opt it. fuck the protestant work ethic, being in pain does not make me a better person, fuck you

Hello @staff I would like to make a formal complaint that my tumblr ads are no longer funny and nonsensical, but annoyingly frequent and boring. I demand you bring back the frog with a knife. I want to pour vinegar on bread.