hi there

People without siblings should be required to undergo rigorous training before they're allowed to be a roommate

Only children in the notes are so mad you'd think I asked them to share or something

this post is funny because the angry only children writing me paragraphs about how I didn't factor in their specific personal experiences don't realize they're exhibiting only child behavior in a way I couldn't make up

everytime I get a negative covid test I think of the big vaxxed papi tweet

“if you have time to lean you have time to clean” ohhh fuckin if i have time to work i have time to jerk. bitch

girl who looooves weed but she can’t roll for shit and can’t hold a lighter well and burns her fingers and she coughs so fucking loud she cries whenever she takes a single hit .

update: just took the little ittybittest hit and coughed so hard i threw up

stop tagging this saying shit like "me and jakey!!! 🥺"

Sorry I applied a modern lens of analysis to your boyfriend. Yeah I've completely stripped him of historical and semantic context so that I could fit his story and tropes into my own moralistic view of the world. Yeah he's practically flavourless now. In fact this was the original boyfriend and you're a problematic historian for thinking otherwise.

all goofing aside I genuinely don't understand the urge to reimagine Taylor Allison Swift as a secretly queer icon when the pop music scene(TM) is like. literally overflowing with women who actually like women. Gaga and Kesha and Miley and Halsey are right there. Rina Sawayama and Hayley Kiyoko and Rebecca Black and Kehlani and Victoria Monét and Miya Folick if you're willing to get slightly less top 100. Janelle and Demi for them nonbinary takes on liking girls. like what are we doing here. like I'm not even saying you can't enjoy Taylor but why would you hang all your little gay hopes on her.

Isn’t Lady Gaga bisexual?

yes that is indeed why she's on the list of famous women who like women

why have multiple people reblogged this with some horse-assed "um actually most of these people are bi or pan" did I fucking stutter I said they like girls. what is your point. I'm going to kill you.

POV: you make a good post and then encounter tumblr reading comprehension

im in a dd/dd relationship and we just fucking whip our bed with our belts every night before passing out 

if my girl had an iron deficiency i would simply crack my bones open so she could feed on my marrow btw. if you care

Probably easier, and more sustainable, to just buy some iron supplements.

that sounds stupid as fuck to me. and it completely lacks intimacy. i’d give her my liver if she asked

God bless punctuation and the English language

do other countries have a groundhog day? do you all gather on February second and watch with bated breathe as a groundhog emerges from its hole? do you forecast the next six weeks of weather based on if the groundhog is frightened by its own shadow and returns to the hole?

is this some kind of thing American tumblr made up to prank us??

groundhog day is real the entire country watches a groundhog predict the weather

It’s only accurate 39% of the time but we still listen to it like the word of god