The ocean burned.

dungeon crawler carl is fun because you go into it thinking it'll be an unserious, fun and gratuitously violent action book, and then you get to the very first boss, and then you think, now hold on. Hold on. And then all of a sudden you're seven books deep and insane and also holding on to the indomitable human spirit for dear life and also a crab has to jack off. like holy shit dude. i've got relentless hope and found family in one hand and the world's weirdest foot fetish in the other

they're trying to get me to do something called ""my job"" instead of reading about medieval english poaching laws

bilf (book i'd like to finish)

*introducing myself to the guards who caught me* seized to meet you

i wish i could be the person i want to be but im too tired

close your eyes and imagine freshly roasted root vegetables perfectly seasoned and crispy as far as the eye can see

Sam trying to get Frodo to take one more step

Sam psychologically tormenting Gollum

"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry

quitting my job to be a full time upstairs neighbor. bowling balls are in the mail as we speak

take everything I say with a hint of garlic, ginger, spring onions and a dash of soy sauce

The 4pm bird gets the weird and fucked up spider