2h
i really am meant to just ..do this as a hobby, huh
i'm so so so afraid because its been proven to me objectively how slow i was (even though my work always did well with the clients) compared to other coworkers who were much much faster
#the fastest one going “i don't even like storyboarding that much i just want to write scripts” i wanted to STRANGLE her#here i'm busting my ass for years and years crying through everything wanting this SO FUCKING HARD#and now my brain has adapted her speed into my gross amalgamation of fears and i get scared even at the prospect of being offered a job#because i have at least 3 awful times where i was either fired or close to because i wasn't fast enough or my work called 'sloppy'#if only shaming and threats of firing would make me work better but it makes it so much worse#not good enough never good enough
