Did I ever talk abt the time i was at a bdsm club and one of the pups was on all fours and barking and being cute and the dom on scene was like “hi puppy! Do you do any tricks?” And he said “I can beatbox!”

I was like. Doubled over incapacitated laughing the entire time. He was really good and a big sweetheart and I felt kinda bad but I couldn’t stop thinking “why the am I getting the beatboxing puppy unskippable cutscene at the bdsm club”

I don’t know who needs to hear this but if you’re celebrating Christmas you do not have pleny time. You do not have pleny time at all. We are in the 12 days till Christmas danger zone

were I to create an original piece of media I would create bait so queer in order to create a fanfic environment I like. I find you guys do your best work under duress.

I’d say “jeez can two people not be friends anymore?” and then I’d give one of them amnesia in which they only recognize the other above anyone else

99% of nose-blowers quit right before the one rip where they hit their sinus cavity's resonant frequency and spend a solid 15 seconds blasting a thumb-sized wad of yellow phlegm straight out of their pineal gland and can suddenly smell colors

i love "bump uglies" as a euphemism for sex. like yes put that gross in my yuck and squarsh it

*logs onto tumblr* I wonder what the people who don't leave the house are saying about sex today

It needed to be done

when i take my phone case off i feel concern and fear knowing that some people just rawdog their phone like that like its so slippery girl you are carrying around a little fish

The shooter was probably some Mormon fundy who trained in illegal militias all his life and could make that shot from 600 feet and hated Kirk for reasons far more baffling and contradictory than the basic political spectrum can possible explain and in the 4 hours the Feeb was interrogating that old man he slipped up to northern Idaho where he will never be caught

Like not to put too fine a point on it and no disrespect to the American left-of-center but the types of people who can hit a target with pinpoint accuracy at 200 yards are not attending local DSA meetings and canvassing for abortion rights with their mom