My Sandwich Might Be Chicken But I Am Not

OP ARE YOU FUCKING OK

just to be clear though, the person who is not doing the pounding is in fact a muscular dinosaur. Which only makes it better imo.

it wouldn’t be a chuck tingle masterpiece without a muscular dinosaur, tbh

Peak youtube humour is non beauty gurus holding literally anything other than makeup related items in front of the camera the exact same way beauty gurus do. That makes me laugh for 15 minutes straight every single time

my philosophy is “nothing an individual can do could possibly be worse for the environment than major corporations dumping tons of pollutants into the atmosphere every day but also don’t just toss shit on the ground you idiot have some manners” 

my ex’s 13 year old sister invited me to thanksgiving dinner and y’all better bet I’m going

poodles are usually anthropomorphized to be froufrou ladies but i always see them as a miscellaneously european man from the 1970s

I love this so much

i’m watching an art theft documentary and they’re interviewing this art history professor from new york who was asked to go with the fbi to authenticate a rubens that had been stolen but it was a sting operation so they had to pretend like they weren’t the fbi, that they were some private buyer about to pay $3.5 million for it, and the fbi was like “this is a VERY delicate operation because you never know how they will react to what you have to say so let the agent do all of the talking, don’t say a word to anyone just nod if it’s the rubens, the last operation we did the guy in your position got shot because things went wrong in a second” and then it cuts to the professor’s interview and he says “i wasn’t going to fly down to miami to be a part of an undercover fbi sting operation to handle what could be rubens’s aurora and just NOT say anything. i was gonna have to ad lib a little” and then he tells the interviewer that when he & the fbi agent got to the hotel while he was examining the painting he started lecturing the other people, first on how badly they had wrapped it, and then about like how it had been painted, the history of it, what the subject was and what she was doing, etc etc, and he was like “i hadn’t taught a class on rubens in 15 years, so for me it was like being back in the classroom except my students couldn’t leave” 

at one point during the deal the professor turned to the woman selling it and he said “isn’t this just the most beautiful rubens you’ve ever seen outside of a museum?” (because the fbi had told him earlier that this piece had been stolen from a museum) and THEN he said “where on earth did you get it from?” and the group of people the woman had with her was like taxidermy-fox.png but the woman was like “inheritance” can you IMAGINE the fbi agent about to have a fucking aneurysm when this random guy you’ve brought in just to nod if it’s the right painting not only starts giving an impromptu lecture but then he asks how they got it

I love Charles Scribner with my whole heart

I know what I’m gonna watch tonight.

may the last two months of 2018 be filled with pleasant plot twists, spontaneous fun, and good vibes.

No Noise November. everyone shut up

For a second I thought this was a themed restaurant

Humans will literally adapt to anything

Loose my shit every time jzkalcnslfl

I really thought the peak was Just Dance playing and then in the hotel room it was the Fairky Odd Parents theme